finally going through breakup and drama starting in a new way

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

been reading for last few years... .married for 14 years with 5 angel kids and after years of chaos , i finally realized what im dealing with (wife with BPD) after getting help ...   it been 2 more years worth of drama since then...      we have been with marriage therapists since the beginning and at this point i can't handle it anymore...     i deal with every symptom...   critical of me of everything i do and it almost never ends...     im always looking over my shoulder wondering when the next crash will come. got the courage to finally get rolling out ...     filing and all ...   will write more later... but just wanted to get on board :-) no pun

[yle]

been reading for last few years... .married for 14 years with 5 angel kids and after years of chaos , i finally realized what im dealing with (wife with BPD) after getting help ...   it been 2 more years worth of drama since then...      we have been with marriage therapists since the beginning and at this point i can't handle it anymore...     i deal with every symptom...   critical of me of everything i do and it almost never ends...     im always looking over my shoulder wondering when the next crash will come. got the courage to finally get rolling out ...     filing and all ...   will write more later... but just wanted to get on board :-) no pun

[livednlearned]

Hi yle,

Welcome and hello 

14 years is a long time to be criticized, among other challenges that can go along with BPD relationships.

Are you wanting to save the relationship?

[yle]

thanks for the welcome...       no ... i tried for 3 years to save it...      as i grew the guts to end it...       though she threatened to divorce me 30x over the years... .  2 weeks ago when she said she wanted out... i Grabbed it and said BINGO... .  we're out...    and not we are working on separation and divorce, but i know it won't go smooth even though she claims it will

the challenge im having is her almost childish way of dealing with divorce... almost a fantasy-like  we will just move next door, still be a family, but we won't live together, while im thinking ... "oh no lady"  you are getting out of my life... ;  as far as i can... .   i also have a very kind supportive family and in her mind  (my BPD wife)... she can divorce me , but still retain them ...   the whole thing is just giving me more heartache

[Mutt]

Hi yle,



I'd like to join livednlearned and welcome you. I can relate with emotional immaturity / child like behavior with how your wife wants to still be a family. My exwife left for the man she was having an affair with but still wanted to do things together. I was gobsmacked. She wanted to keep me at arms length. Do you have kids?

We have many different boards at bpdfamily to help members with different needs with a pwBPD. I'll leave you with the link for the legal board. Members can relate with divorcing a high conflict personality and help you navigate through divorce.

Leaving Board: Family law, divorce and custody

[married21years]

marrige councelling is the worst thing for someone with BPD

BPD needs to be treated and treatment completed before marriage councelling

sorry but marrige councelling will make them worse in my opinion 

[yle]

yes...      thank you ...    Mutt   

we have 5 kids age 12  down 2 ...    all angels and their handling it the best you can ...        i have the best attorney money can buy  (gifted) but i realize that doesn't help me much  and he advised me to try to get a deal done any other way ... .     and i actually lined her close friend adviser (who ironically offered to mediate)   and i told him he gets me a fair deal in a few days, i will bend over backwards to make it work ...    meaning , getting the deal completed is the issue ...

until then im still home, with her in separate rooms... won't leave to legal stuff is organized and working fast... .  the hardest part for me aside for the kids and the drama ...   is that i am tied to her emotionally    at-least when my guard is down and she knows no boundaries...    won't stick to factual communication and keeps asking about my day etc...    tells me she cares me etc... .  and attraction ...     she is a pretty women who ultimately i have a hard time hating...    rather i pity her... .      gosh i need to get out... so i can recover from 13 years of madness... .but when im tired and my guard is down... i sometimes wish she would just give me a hug ... .     

bc of my unique public position ... i needed her to be on board with the divorce and slowly  was able to coax us to the narrative that she is getting rid of me... :-)   which works just fine and likely better than the opposite...