the blocking game ...

[Chelsea 69]

Hi I  don't no if I'm the only one getting blocked out of every thing ... .the only contact I get is when she good and ready she has my contact number for our son5  which I get a call from when it time to pick him up so my nc is not down to me the fact I have answers. .when she call is really  taking its toll on me I mentioned I'd get our son a phone for when he wants to ring me but got told a straight blank no I said that way we don't need contact. But it is all a game to her which she has won hands down. ... the calls might start off well  but by the end of them I've been  blamed for everything as all way ... the blacking of me is becoming  Unbareable. . She no what to say and when to say making me feel worthless and how I've wasted  6 year of her life ... .then it's back to  no contact till I'm needed  again how long can she keep this up for cos the pain and hurt don't seem to get a chance to heal ... .but to others she is the perfect person ... .which once a pon a time that's what she was to me ...

[Mutt]

Hi Chelsea 69,

I would find that unbearable too if I wasn't prepared with blame shifting. Do you have a court order? I would suggest to communicate by email, its less emotional, you don't have to respond ASAP, you can think about your response. There are communication tools that minimize conflict.

I can't control my ex but I can set the boundaries on myself. Just the other day she insisted that I call. I haven't spoken to her in three years over the phone. I track our conversations by email, that way I have proof of our conversation and I could use that in court at a later if I needed it.

I don't JADE ( Justify, Attack, Defend, Explain ),and give her a reason why I won't talk to her the phone. I'm in control, I set boundary that I respond by email and I don't take the bait. I only talk about the kids, nothing that should not be her business to know.

How about using email and no phone calls?

[Chelsea 69]

Hi and thank you for your advice I am just starting court proceedings so the advice you have given I'll put in place. . ... .I like many others just wish it was a quick fix but I no now the road is long with many twist and turns to come how can these people be the be the same people we fall in love with. .