I feel like it's not ok to leave

[WrennyJen]

Let me preface this by saying that I know in my head that it's okay to leave… That the rages and the abuse are not okay , no matter what disorder he has.  I think about cutting him off , because in truth, we aren't together and haven't been for a while, though it seems that we have been. The thing is, he still controls me.  His anxiety and rage and moodiness and addiction dictate how I live my life and how my days and weeks go.  He has become so unstable and I just want to get away . We've talked about therapy or rehab but when it comes down to it he always finds an excuse .

My conflict comes in because he has no support system, no job, no transportation, and no means of financial support .  I've been providing all of these things, but I just want to be done.  My fear is of what he would do to me or to himself if I tried to permanently break away from him.  Because he has nothing, he has nothing to lose … And I'm pretty sure that he is had a mental break , the instability and rages are beyond anything he's ever had .  And yet, every time he comes down , after blaming me for whatever set him off, making me feel that I'm the worst person and friend in the entire world, he expects me to just brush it off and go back to how things were.  I know that his situation is due to a lot of things, most of which fall on him.  But he has me squarely in the FOG and I am struggling to break free. 

I want to cut all ties to him but I don't know how to deal with feelings of guilt that he brings out because he is the "victim and everyone owes him."  I also don't know how to deal with the persistent calling and the fear that he will show up at my job because it's really the only place that he can get to and pin me down.  I know what I need to do but I don't know if I'm ready for the guilt and for his rage at me.  I have to get away though. 

[flourdust]

I understand. My wife also has no job, no means of financial support, and a support system that she has eroded by isolating herself and offending others.

But she's an adult. No matter how it feels, we're not responsible for other adults.

When I divorce her, she'll get some money. Either she, her attorney, or the courts will represent her interests. It will be up to her to get a job and develop whatever support system she needs.

The lessons here (link to the right) can help you work through those feelings of FOG that trap you in the relationship. And you can use technological (blocking his phone) and legal (calling 911 to report a trespasser at work) means to stop his actual actions.