Introduction

[Jillycat]

Hi, my name is Jillycat, and I am the mother of a 23 year old daughter with BPD traits.  She has not been formally diagnosed, but my therapist and psychiatrist say she sounds as if she has a pretty classic case.  She has had trouble staying in school or holding onto jobs.  She is very bright and she is talented.  She is working to establish an acting career and is doing reasonably well.  My daughter is very pretty.  Her father walked out on us when she was 15, and I am the sole support system for her.  She has had 2 long term relationships but one ended, and she is using the other one until she gets somebody better.  She has sex with people she doesn't know very well because she says it is the only way she gets any affection.  I don't think that affection from me counts!  She is very dependent on  me, makes my life hell if I go away for a few days, but acts as if she hates me a lot of the time.  I am not BPD myself but I am anorexic and depressive.  I was 43 when I had her, and so I am 65 now, and I often feel my health will give way under the pressure I live with--the constant fear, the pain of her screaming at me that she wishes she were dead, the fact that everything is all my fault.  And,  most of all, knowing that all the dreams I had for her have died. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Thursday]

Hi Jillycat,

Welcome to the family. One of the things everyone here encourages is self-care. Please take care of yourself. Is your DD in any sort of therapy? I'm glad to hear that you are seeing someone as dealing with a person with BPD can be quite overwhelming.

There are tools over to the right that can help you sort it all out. It is good to vent and we are here to listen... .and it is also good to learn a new way of dealing with your daughter- a way that might be less triggering and that will allow you to feel like you are approaching issues more positively. I know when I first joined here and folks would direct me to read those tools and lessons over there on the right, I was skeptical. However, I learned that my Step Daughter (my person) simply didn't process my words and actions in the manner in which I intended.

How long has your daughter been suffering? Some of the things you describe mirror my experiences with my SD- staying interested in school (she always went but would create disturbances or sleep instead of joining in with the learning) She was also very dependent on her Dad and me but she acted like he (really not too much me) was scum under her feet.

We all get it here. Keep posting... .we want to hear more!

Thursday