Health Issues Forcing Me To Live w/BPD mother

[Southernwonder]

I'm in my early 30s and have serious health issues forcing me to live with my parents. I've been in therapy for 10 years and know my mother has BPD. It is severe and she abused me physically, verbally and emotionally as a child. I have PTSD, GAD, major depression episodes, etc.

She doesn't physically abuse me now but the rest has continued. I'm coming to the end of my rope coping with her attacks. I look forward to talking with others who have had parents with BPD.

Also, living here is my only option. Please do not suggest alternatives. I cannot work or be on my own until my physical condition improves.

Thank you.

[Kwamina]

Hi Southernwonder

I am sorry you are dealing with these serious health issues. Dealing with these problems is already difficult enough and your mother's behavior unfortunately only makes it more difficult. Being abused by one's own mother is a horrible experience for a child. At what point did you realize she has BPD?

Your current circumstances do not allow you to live anywhere else. We have some material here about setting and enforcing-defending boundaries that you might find helpful. Boundaries help us protect ourselves and preserve our own well/being:

Boundaries

Do you (generally) feel comfortable setting and enforcing/defending boundaries with people? Here is a link to some examples of boundary setting (and enforcing/defending):

Examples of boundaries

Dealing with a person with BPD can be quite challenging indeed. There are some communication techniques that might help though such as validation, S.E.T., D.E.A.R.M.A.N. and material we have here about ending the cycle of conflict. The communication help minimize the likelihood of (further) conflict while maximizing the likelihood of getting through to the other person. These structured forms of communicating also help us stay more calm ourselves. Are you familiar with any of these techniques?

Take care and welcome to bpdfamily

[P.F.Change]

Hi, Southernwonder. 

I'm glad you've decided to join us. I'm sorry to hear about your health. I have dealt with PTSD and a BPD mother also, as a lot of us have. It sounds like you might be feeling discouraged. I think if I were in your shoes I would probably be feeling pretty stuck, so if that is what you are feeling I'd understand!

I've found bpdfamily is a great community to get support in learning tools and working on solutions. The workshops Kwamina suggested are great places to start. I think it's great that you have a therapist also. That will probably help make your living situation much more tolerable. Do you mind if I ask--is your health condition chronic, or is it expected to improve eventually?

Wishing you peace,

PF