Twin sister

[Twinsis]

Was recently hospitalized for pancreatic cancer. Since having surgery her moods, anger rage at me have exploded. Help!

[once removed]

hi twinsis and

im glad you found us, though im sorry for the situation that has brought you here.

i imagine you want to support your sister, and it must be confusing and painful to be on the receiving end of anger and rage instead  .

can you tell us a bit more about your story, and your history with your sister? what is the focus of her ongoing rages at you? these things will help us better know how to help your situation.

[Turkish]

Hi Twinsis,

I'd like to join once removed in welcoming you here.

Is there anyone else in the family to help take care of your sis? Feeling isolated and alone can be a heavy burden 

Turkish

[Twinsis]

Well, I have had a peaceful week with my twin sister, by that I mean I didn't respond to her anger, accusations, swearing and name-calling. I sat quietly, after paying for a ticket, and spending nearly 3 hours ona bus, and taking her out to lunch, she exploded at me, and kicked me out of her place. I walked around for hours until I could catch my return bus.

But, that evening she actually sent an email of apology, saying it would NEVER happen again. The following evening, the anger was back during a nasty phone call. But, I paid for her airline ticket, to fly home to see our mother, never mentioned the episode, and she certainly acted as if nothing happened, and now she is happy with me... .aha, survival tip... .say nothing! Silence is golden, turn the other cheek!

My husband says I am being a doormat, but if this is the price of peace, so be it! She has cancer, I want my memories of her to be as positive as possible!I want to be proud of my behaviour! I have learned that attempting to counter any of her flawed recall is POINTLESS!So I am saving my emotional energy, I will not engage when she is like this! I think it is working, and at least, some of her remarks are losing a bit of their barb... .really, how many times can you listen to the same old accusations without feeling a sense of tiresome déjà vu?

[once removed]

a peaceful week is certainly progress Twinsis! on top of that, it came as a result of you not responding to her provocations, which is your best bet in terms of keeping the peace for yourself.

your husband makes an important point, though sometimes its best to choose our battles, it can be difficult to know where to draw that line. have you had an opportunity to review the lessons (links) to the right? you can also find them here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108307