Violence and Threats...

[Herodias]

Mine claimed he wanted me dead ... .lots of times. I think this is the love/hate thing. He always told me he had a plan for me... .whatever that was. He would make weird comments that he wished he could lock me away somewhere. A couple times he wanted me to go scuba diving with him, then he would tell me that he knew how to cut off my air flow to make it look like an accident. Scary! He wanted me to go rock climbing and would make comments about my falling off the mountain accidentally. He kept asking me to get life insurance, but I never would.  He has held knives to me and guns. He has held me tight in a closet with no lights on just to see how I react. He has held me down so I can't move and held a pillow over my face. The worst night ever, he wouldn't let me leave the house... .took my keys and cellphone. He held me on the floor with his hand over my mouth and I was hyperventilating. He didn't realize I was having trouble breathing. When he finally let me up, he shoved me on the sofa and held a pillow over my face. Not hard, I could breathe... .but it was like a test for him or something. Like he was getting a thrill out of it. He grabbed his gun and waved it in the air and said. "It's going to be a long night"... .I finally ran out of the house and had a neighbor call the police. He has grabbed mens balls in front of me twice once was my brother-in-law who told me he was abusive. He held a gun up to my father's head I was told by my brother-in-law too. These are the things that make me think he is anti-social, as the domestic violence people suggested... .at least has the trait in him.  Now he is living with someone who worked in a detention center and has police friends... .isn't that odd? His parents know some of this and his Mother kept telling me to get away from him. I am sure they are scared to death what he could do to his baby. It would be odd to me if he is not doing this to her, but maybe he is too afraid to? This all makes me think that I am lucky to be alive and out.  The judge told me that these types of situations lead to someone dead. Sometimes I realize I am mourning a pretend good relationship he put in my head... .he was really this violent person and I should remember that. It was very scary. I never knew when he would flip. He had a blank stare in his face when he acted this way. It was like he was;t really there. He was very into violent movies and shows. He was a Marine for a year and had the training- He told me I could take all the guns and knives out of the house and he would still be able to kill me with his bare hands... .isn't that a nice thing to say to someone you "love"... .he didn't love me, he used me to live a lifestyle he wanted and cheated the whole time. It just bothers me to think he just did all of this to me... .do violent people continue their behaviors with someone else? The gf even has a therapist friend that lives an hour away that she can talk to. You would think this gf will figure it out sooner than I did. He must really be having a good time faking it to all of her friends who are cops! With a record even! I am telling you... .when I say they get away with murder- mine seems to be. I just want to know if they can stop doing this with the next person... .was it just our relationship that was volatile? I wonder if I provoked it, yet I think I was just not giving in to his weird demands when it would start. Is he doing this to the replacement? This is part of my feeling bad about myself I suppose, thinking I caused these things as he told me I did. My personal CPTSD.

[C.Stein]

This is part of my feeling bad about myself I suppose, thinking I caused these things as he told me I did. My personal CPTSD.

Blue,

I think it is important to recognize and understand our role in the relationship.  This doesn't mean accepting responsibility for things that happened that are not yours to own.   To that end do you think your time might be better spent trying to understand yourself, to heal yourself so you might move forward from this point?

In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter what he is or is not doing now.  He will do what he does for whatever reasons he generates in his mind.  

The only thing that matters is how he treated you.   What can you do for yourself to take this incredibly painful and damaging experience and learn from it so you can move forward from this?

[Hadlee]

After all that you are still holding on to this man?  Blue, get the duster out and dust yourself off.  Don't hold on anymore, let it all go.  You deserve so much more.

In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter what he is or is not doing now.  He will do what he does for whatever reasons he generates in his mind.  

Agreed.  Focusing on what he is doing with the gf isn't helping you.  Reason being, it's keeping you stuck.  Initially, he won't be the same as he was with you.  He is mirroring someone different now, so of course his demeanor is different.  Only time will tell as to how things end up.  But, by that time, I do hope you are long gone, living a wonderful life and looking after you

[Aussie0zborn]

Sorry I couldn't read the entire post because it was full of a long list of abuses.  I did however read the last sentence.

It doesn't matter what he's doing now. What matters is how are you going to heal from this? What is your plan?