Its finally over

[Phenomenal Woman]

  everyone... .I am really glad that I found this support group. It helps to know that what I have encountered for the past 2 years was not a "false reality" or better yet "me". I don't know where to begin except to say I am hurt, confused about if I should feel relief, angry that I stayed and tried to make it work, angry that my ex-so is oblivious to his behaviors, angry that my children are caught in the middle, angry that I am the one that looks at fault, angry that I am the one in therapy and angry that love was not enough to heal him. All the while I was made into a survivor of DV while trying to understand him and be patient. Being a clinical SW during my day job didn't help, trying to be so understanding just made me get deeper and deeper in. My sense of empowerment targeted because of his lack of identity, extreme devaluation, manipulation, intense anger and fluctuations in mood surely has sent me running for a therapist. But even with therapy and being aware of his condition, the impact and the need to move on, I feel so hopeless, frustrated, disappointed at myself, angry that this condition affected me and our children! I know I need  to be healthy, I have to look forward without him especially for the sake of raising healthy and emotionally stable children who don't need to witness any poor interactions. Thats where I will begin... .:'(

[Mutt]

Hi Phenomenal Woman,



I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. As you pointed out a r/s reak-up with a pwBPD ( person with BPD ) confusing, emotionally distressing and it's a lot of pain. I'm glad that you have found us, you will find many members here that can relate with you and can give you guidance and support.

You're a SW and you probably already know that anger is healthy, it helps us detach from unhealthy relationships, I just wanted to say don't beat yourself up.

How old are your kids? Do you have arrangements for visitation? It helps to talk.

[Phenomenal Woman]

Yeah its definitely comforting to be amongst others who can relate to such a delicate experience. Family and friends are judgmental, even my T seems to be misguided by inquiring of my self esteem and being focused on my self-worth... .I get where they are trying to come from but I had healthy self worth and esteem when I met him. He just drainnnnnned me... .make up to break ups that took its toll on me. Apologizing for his erratic and intense outbursts despite the his manipulation tactics, acts of humiliation, running laps around my emotions and intelligence, loving me and hating me in a matter of seconds or days, being unempathtic and dismissive of his impact, me being charged with insensitivity despite the put downs but I'm suppose to be okay because he professes his love and I'm who he wants to marry although he doesn't trust me, violates my trust constantly, going through my phone, rummaging through my house, watching my be very move so he can say, I knew it. Forget the live I professed, the child we actively planned and gave birth too, my expressions of wanting him and only him but was still wrongly accused even though his nights of spying and watching did not lead to anywhere and the DNA test saying its yours... .I took him back and the cycle repeated... .Yeah being a social worker helped alright, I recognized and thought through love and patience, leaning how to instill and be firm around boundaries only broke me. Being a social worker has not helped... .but I make mention of my profession because this condition is stronger then the profession that assesses it... .so much it has affected my 6 yo little one and our 7 month old. When I think of my 6 yo crying and the anger  starts to brew but I become saddened because he is so sick that he was/is unable to connect the dots that its not me but you... .why would I instigate a argument to the degree that I experience heart palpitations, anxiety and frustration.

Sorry... .I got carried away... .no arrangements for visitation. He acting like he is the victim and has blocked communication with me not to say that its not warranted for a while. But my stupid self agreed to a child support order without child support enforcement and now I'm stuck wondering how will I get the child support.

[Mutt]

Its Ok, there's no need to apologize. I would feel invalidated if my T pigeonholed me and said that I have low esteem and low self worth and that is the reasons why I was in a relationship with a pwBPD. You fell in love with him.

The members on these boards are proof that everyone has different backgrounds and come from all walks of life. Everyone's experience is  their own and it's not size fits all. Ww have similar experiences and we take what we can relate with from members and we work with that.

You probably felt isolated and frustrated with the emotionally immature behaviors that were directed at you. I felt like my ex wife got the best of me at times and I found it very difficult because I couldn't trun to anyone that could relate with my experiences. I felt like I was going to lose my mind.

A pwBPD have low self worth, self esteem and are hyper vigilant to rejection and it sounds like your ex partner was very insecure about himself.

Don't be hard on yourself. Do you have a lawyer that can sort out the child support? We have members on the legal board that can offer you advice with family courts from personal experience.

Family law, divorce and custody

How is your support from friends and family?