My uBPD mother's sister died... And obviously it was all her kid's fault

[Depression = 72% of members]

My uBPD mom's 77 year old sister died today in India. She died only 50 days after her husband died from cancer. I called my mother to give her condolences... .Instead, like everything else, my mom only used it to give me indirect comments. Apparently, after her husband died her son was so horrible to her that she couldn't handle it. "kids drive their parents crazy. Kids who insult their parents should be cursed etc etc." For my mother, anyone who has passed away has been because their kids have killed them from hurting them.

Whenever someone gets cancer, it's because "their son in law was horrible to her. So she got cancer." Or her kids insulted her, so she got a stroke. No one dies from illness or old age. Any of her relatives who have died have been because their kids were mean to them and they got depressed. Ah. But my mom's mother in law did not die because her kids were mean. She was apparently a horrible person . Funny, normally she blames the spouse for brainwashing the husband or wife against his or her parents. But she kept my dad from visiting his family for 20 years. She demands my attention but never visited her mother for 7 years before she passed. Oh and her mother apparently died because she lived with my moms brother who was mean to her. Every illness is due to stress.

Oh except ours. I got diagnosed with MS when I was 27 and my husband had a heart attack at 40. Those weren't stress. But her osteoporosis was because of me. And my dad's heart disease was my brothers fault, despite the crap he ate.

This hypocritical BS makes me furious... .Blood boil, actually... .Im moving back to the east coast after living across the country from them for all of 6 months, best months of my life. Will still be an 8 hour drive from them but I think I have such bad PTSD it's hard for me to even want to live on same coast now!

[MiserableDaughter]

My uBPD mom's 77 year old sister died today in India. She died only 50 days after her husband died from cancer. I called my mother to give her condolences... .Instead, like everything else, my mom only used it to give me indirect comments. Apparently, after her husband died her son was so horrible to her that she couldn't handle it. "kids drive their parents crazy. Kids who insult their parents should be cursed etc etc." For my mother, anyone who has passed away has been because their kids have killed them from hurting them.

Whenever someone gets cancer, it's because "their son in law was horrible to her. So she got cancer." Or her kids insulted her, so she got a stroke. No one dies from illness or old age. Any of her relatives who have died have been because their kids were mean to them and they got depressed. Ah. But my mom's mother in law did not die because her kids were mean. She was apparently a horrible person . Funny, normally she blames the spouse for brainwashing the husband or wife against his or her parents. But she kept my dad from visiting his family for 20 years. She demands my attention but never visited her mother for 7 years before she passed. Oh and her mother apparently died because she lived with my moms brother who was mean to her. Every illness is due to stress.

Oh except ours. I got diagnosed with MS when I was 27 and my husband had a heart attack at 40. Those weren't stress. But her osteoporosis was because of me. And my dad's heart disease was my brothers fault, despite the crap he ate.

This hypocritical BS makes me furious... .Blood boil, actually... .Im moving back to the east coast after living across the country from them for all of 6 months, best months of my life. Will still be an 8 hour drive from them but I think I have such bad PTSD it's hard for me to even want to live on same coast now!

[Kwamina]

Hi MiserableDaughter,

I am sorry for your loss. What kind of relationship did you have with your mother's sister? She lived in another country, but did you have contact with her?

Your mother's comments are quite frustrating indeed. Her behavior stems for her distorted thinking though. It is what it is and your mother is unlikely to change her behavior.

I indeed read in your other post that you're going to move again. These last few months you've been feeling better, did you perhaps also seek out professional help for your PTSD? Perhaps some support from a therapist?

I understand why moving back to the East Coast would cause you stress considering your experiences with your parents. To help you calm yourself and halt all those negative scenarios playing out in your mind, you could perhaps try meditation/mindfulness, is this something you've considered? This might help you stay in the present and not get too far ahead of yourself.

The Board Parrot

[P.F.Change]

Hey, there, MiserableDaughter,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your aunt and uncle. I'm also really sorry you're dealing with PTSD. I know that's tough.

This hypocritical BS makes me furious... .Blood boil, actually... .

I'm wondering about this. Is this how you want to feel? If not, have you thought about where the anger is really coming from?

Wishing you peace,

PF