BPD sister and possible scam

[Our abuse recovery guide]

My sister has had problems since she was a child, she's 29 now. I think about 5 years ago she found out about BPD and told me about it and with both saw that she has most of the traits of the condition. She found out about DBT as a form of treatment that's been successful and we found that there's a huge lack of DBT therapists. After years of being on a waitlist she was finally referred to CBT (which I'm currently having for anxiety and depression) and I don't believe she found it helpful, it seemed like it brought up painful feelings but didn't train her how to manage them so she felt worse... .That's the impression that I got.

I've recently found out that she's been paying a lot of money for a treatment that she's found online and my parents have been helping her to pay for it and now they're refusing to help because they're asking for way too much money and they feel like they're being ripped off and that she's being taken advantage of. The way she described the treatment to me, it sounded like it was helping. But they keep asking for more money. My dad told me they'd asked for ten grand then said to end the treatment would be another five grand and then that's it... .now they're asking for another eight grand and then that's it... .it sounds like a very expensive scam.

But she's become dependent on this treatment and thinks she can't get better until she finishes it. She won't tell any of us the actual name of this company, she gets really defensive and ashamed and feels embarrassed and stupid and she gets very distressed. She's now become emotionally manipulative of my mum by saying things like "if you don't want me to cut myself you'd help me". But also my mum will say manipulative things back blaming my sister for her blood pressure and my dad's stress. It's a mess and becomes toxic and nothing is being solved.

I'm worried about about all of them and don't really know what to do or who can help to give us some guidance and clarity. I feel really sad for her that she's never been given the right help and now she's in this situation. I don't know if anyone has been through anything similar or has any insight just generally on the situation or the condition altogether.

Thank you for taking the time to read 

[lauralou]

My sister has had problems since she was a child, she's 29 now. I think about 5 years ago she found out about BPD and told me about it and with both saw that she has most of the traits of the condition. She found out about DBT as a form of treatment that's been successful and we found that there's a huge lack of DBT therapists. After years of being on a waitlist she was finally referred to CBT (which I'm currently having for anxiety and depression) and I don't believe she found it helpful, it seemed like it brought up painful feelings but didn't train her how to manage them so she felt worse... .That's the impression that I got.

I've recently found out that she's been paying a lot of money for a treatment that she's found online and my parents have been helping her to pay for it and now they're refusing to help because they're asking for way too much money and they feel like they're being ripped off and that she's being taken advantage of. The way she described the treatment to me, it sounded like it was helping. But they keep asking for more money. My dad told me they'd asked for ten grand then said to end the treatment would be another five grand and then that's it... .now they're asking for another eight grand and then that's it... .it sounds like a very expensive scam.

But she's become dependent on this treatment and thinks she can't get better until she finishes it. She won't tell any of us the actual name of this company, she gets really defensive and ashamed and feels embarrassed and stupid and she gets very distressed. She's now become emotionally manipulative of my mum by saying things like "if you don't want me to cut myself you'd help me". But also my mum will say manipulative things back blaming my sister for her blood pressure and my dad's stress. It's a mess and becomes toxic and nothing is being solved.

I'm worried about about all of them and don't really know what to do or who can help to give us some guidance and clarity. I feel really sad for her that she's never been given the right help and now she's in this situation. I don't know if anyone has been through anything similar or has any insight just generally on the situation or the condition altogether.

Thank you for taking the time to read 

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Lauralou! 

Wow!   I think your family has some tough things to deal with!  I don't have any experience with a treatment form such as your sister is indicating, but perhaps some of the other members do. However, it is perfectly resonable that a boundary be set by your parents that they will not pay anymore money until they have specifics about the program. It sounds rather fishy to me. Good pick up on your part. 

Most T sessions don't cost very much per week, and insurance will often cover it. Have you tried asking her if insurance is an option, merely as a way of possibly cracking the door open for a hint on the name of the treatment? Or what each individual session costs? That might be a backdoor of sorts.

And a big welcome to you from the BPD family!

Wools

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi LauraLoo:

Perhaps you can get your sister to open up to you again and get her to share specifics of the specific DBT program she want.  Perhaps she is trying to sign up for a residential program or to a location that takes travel.  Since you stated that DBT therapy wasn't available in your area, That could well be the case.

I think you may be in the UK.  I'm in the US. I Googled about some programs in the US and saw that there were some multi phase programs. Some with workshops and individual counseling.

The program your sister wants may well be legit, but it is natural to be skeptical when your sister won't share.  You might try doing an Internet search and expand it for a bit beyond the area where you live.  The best situation is to get your sister to open up and for her to understand that you just want to help her get the treatment she wants.

Best Wishes.

[lauralou]

Thank you both for the replies and support. My dad found the company. Doesn't seem like therapy, the woman claims to be a psychic and offers a £20 reading... .somehow that has escalated to £23,000 (yeah we're in England) My dad has found a guy locally who could help her but now she has these blinkers on that this is the only thing that will help and that if she doesn't finish it that all the money was worthless and she'll regress. If it was actual therapy it should give her tools to help her to cope but it clearly hasn't. My dad told me he's given her £15,000 and the last £5,000 they said was the last of it and the treatment would be finished.

But the woman keeps asking for more. My parents are retired and my dad said he keeps lying to his financial advisor about why he needs to take so much money out of his savings. I've given her money for it not knowing what it was for. So if she gives 8 thousand more... .then what, they'll ask for 11,000 more. I've tried to be on her side but I think she's being abused. And she gets obsessed with things. She doesn't work, she lives off her disability money, how can someone claiming to help her need that much money?

[Naughty Nibbler]

 

A psychic is not the answer.  That is a scam. Your parents should not give your sister any money directly. I'm thinking there actually are legitimate DBT therapy possibilities that can be found in a reasonable proximity to where your sister lives. If your parents are to help, they need to pay the legitimate therapist directly.

How is it that your sister thinks a psychic can treat BPD? Sounds like you should report them to the police or some local agency. 

[P.F.Change]

Hi, lauralou,

I can tell you all care about your sister and want to help, so it must feel discouraging to see the situation as it is.

It sounds like this is your sister's illness and your parents' enabling. I am wondering where you see yourself fitting in to the solution in this situation? It sounds like you understand you can say no when she asks you to fund this treatment. It may be best to take a step back and work to detach. You can't control what your parents choose to do, but you can control you.

I'm not sure if you've seen this workshop on the difference between supporting and enabling. It was very helpful to me, because growing up with a mother with BPD, I had learned I was always supposed to help no matter what. This showed me that sometimes real help looks different. Are you supporting or enabling?

Wishing you peace,

PF