His Embarrassing Me...am I alone on this?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

The thread on gift giving and our exes never being satisfied got me thinking about them never being happy. About the strange experiences we have when trying to do things they want. Mine wanted to go out to dinner allot, as did I... .but when we went out, something would always happen. Either he would stare at other people and put them down-a bit too loud. He would want to make a big scene and always want to kiss me across the table- that was really annoying, because it was all about attention. It makes me feel strange to say this, because he may have thought it was romantic, but I saw it as being an exhibitionist. One time we went out and we sat at the bar waiting for a table... .there was a couple next to us. The man was kind of ignoring his wife. My husband was all over me with his hands and kissing me... .lots of compliments. Next thing I know the woman has her hand on my husbands arm! I didn't know how to react! Luckily our table was ready... .I told him that there were people out there who are swingers- he acted like he had no idea. Yea right, for all I know he was flirting with her behind my back literally. He would do the most astonishing things. One time we were going into a gay dance club- because we were a straight couple they were hesitant to let us in... .next thing I know he is fondling the guys crotch! He ended up letting us in! I swear, i turned away and acted like I didn't see it! There were so many things he did that were embarrassing. He embarrassed a friend of his by talking about drugs in front of his boss and trying to kiss his wife! They are no longer friends. I see now why his Mother is on edge and doesn't want him around. She was panicked at his sisters wedding. He was on anti-depressants then and she said he was the best she had ever seen him... .that didn't last long, he ended up in the hospital septic. We don't know why... .they took him off the pills and all other things it turned out he was on. Anyway... .crazy behavior and being embarrassed is something I do not miss! Picking his toenails in the movie theatre, wanting to pull over to the side of the road to pee, farting close to people to get a reaction when shopping, asking people inappropriate questions, grabbing me inappropriately in public, telling people we got married because I got pregnant (now that was huge!), talking about our sex life with people... .on and on... .Then there are the lies... .the lies that people had died, the lies that I had breast cancer-his mother had breast cancer, that he went to war, that he had an arsenal of weapons in the house... .etc. Remember that stuff? I think it will help to remember it when we think we are missing them... .I am not the only one who had that stuff, am I?

[Herodias]

The thread on gift giving and our exes never being satisfied got me thinking about them never being happy. About the strange experiences we have when trying to do things they want. Mine wanted to go out to dinner allot, as did I... .but when we went out, something would always happen. Either he would stare at other people and put them down-a bit too loud. He would want to make a big scene and always want to kiss me across the table- that was really annoying, because it was all about attention. It makes me feel strange to say this, because he may have thought it was romantic, but I saw it as being an exhibitionist. One time we went out and we sat at the bar waiting for a table... .there was a couple next to us. The man was kind of ignoring his wife. My husband was all over me with his hands and kissing me... .lots of compliments. Next thing I know the woman has her hand on my husbands arm! I didn't know how to react! Luckily our table was ready... .I told him that there were people out there who are swingers- he acted like he had no idea. Yea right, for all I know he was flirting with her behind my back literally. He would do the most astonishing things. One time we were going into a gay dance club- because we were a straight couple they were hesitant to let us in... .next thing I know he is fondling the guys crotch! He ended up letting us in! I swear, i turned away and acted like I didn't see it! There were so many things he did that were embarrassing. He embarrassed a friend of his by talking about drugs in front of his boss and trying to kiss his wife! They are no longer friends. I see now why his Mother is on edge and doesn't want him around. She was panicked at his sisters wedding. He was on anti-depressants then and she said he was the best she had ever seen him... .that didn't last long, he ended up in the hospital septic. We don't know why... .they took him off the pills and all other things it turned out he was on. Anyway... .crazy behavior and being embarrassed is something I do not miss! Picking his toenails in the movie theatre, wanting to pull over to the side of the road to pee, farting close to people to get a reaction when shopping, asking people inappropriate questions, grabbing me inappropriately in public, telling people we got married because I got pregnant (now that was huge!), talking about our sex life with people... .on and on... .Then there are the lies... .the lies that people had died, the lies that I had breast cancer-his mother had breast cancer, that he went to war, that he had an arsenal of weapons in the house... .etc. Remember that stuff? I think it will help to remember it when we think we are missing them... .I am not the only one who had that stuff, am I?

[Rayban]

Wow Herodias I'm sorry you had to go through this.


Here is what I experienced;

1. I never realized it, but she did like to make out in public places like the park, shopping center, grocery stores and in particular one night at a bar, with mostly male patrons she was all over me. Didn't pay much attention to it then, but I now realize that people would be staring at us as they left.

2. It would also bother me that she would dress extremely provocative when we would go out together. I had to sit by, other men (sales clerks, bartenders, waiters, sales staff, random guys on the street) staring at her boobs. She would purposely drop things, or position herself so that a better view could be had.

3. Flirting with her ''best friend's'' boyfriend right in front of me. His girlfriend seemed disconcerted. Never could figure that one out initially, but I found out that they hadn't spoken for sometime. I'm pretty sure she slept with him.

4. I get the feeling that she is bisexual. Correct that, she is an equal opportunist and would fall for ANYBODY who gave her the slightest amount of attention.   

[thrownforaloop]

Wow Herodias I'm sorry you had to go through this.


Here is what I experienced;

1. I never realized it, but she did like to make out in public places like the park, shopping center, grocery stores and in particular one night at a bar, with mostly male patrons she was all over me. Didn't pay much attention to it then, but I now realize that people would be staring at us as they left.

2. It would also bother me that she would dress extremely provocative when we would go out together. I had to sit by, other men (sales clerks, bartenders, waiters, sales staff, random guys on the street) staring at her boobs. She would purposely drop things, or position herself so that a better view could be had.

3. Flirting with her ''best friend's'' boyfriend right in front of me. His girlfriend seemed disconcerted. Never could figure that one out initially, but I found out that they hadn't spoken for sometime. I'm pretty sure she slept with him.

4. I get the feeling that she is bisexual. Correct that, she is an equal opportunist and would fall for ANYBODY who gave her the slightest amount of attention.   

This is a lot of difficult stuff.

My ex's provocative dressing bothered me a lot too--she would wear extremely short skirts with no underwear and intentionally give people a show.

Also, she kept signing up for apps like Tinder, even though I told her how uncomfortable that made me. She would delete it to make me feel better, then secretly re-install it a couple weeks later.

Flirting with other men in front of me was also a pretty common thing. Referring to guys who would come into her work as "her cuties". Making sexual references in flirtatious conversations with them, etc.

At the time, I don't honestly can't think of why I would put up with so much b.s.--seriously. What the heck was I thinking... .?

[Hadlee]

 

Remember that stuff? I think it will help to remember it when we think we are missing them... .

No, I choose not to remember things.  It's part of letting go and moving forward.  Why dwell on this kind of stuff from the past?  No point looking in the rear vision mirror... .the future is where it's all at, not the past

[Thrive]

Hi Herodias,

Thank goodness--I honestly thought that trait was only something my uBPDbf did. 

In public he enjoyed groping, french kissing, and licking/french kissing my neck. Another thing he did in stores was to come up from behind me and wrap his arms around me, and then begin slowing ahem... .grinding.   

I think in his mind it showed how in love he was that he was perpetually turned on. 

It also worked to show ownership of me--I think. 

Others would back away from us.  If I attempted to voice my feelings that it made me uncomfortable or that others seemed uncomfortable, he would become angry and tell me I wasn't attracted to him, that I didn't love him, and that I had a really low sex drive. He just really didn't care about the feelings of anyone else. That much was always clear.

He loved to sneak into places he hadn't paid for admittance to; which tended to scare me because I was sure he'd be caught and there would be a terrible scene.  (He's a middle-aged man BTW).

He also loved to talk about people who were within feet (and certainly ear-shot )of us and put them down, or make fun of how they looked.

So yeah--you're by no means alone!

[WoundedBibi]

Talking about people within earshot to make fun of them, shouting at people in the street they were ugly when he was drunk, trying to climb on the bar of a club to dance on there while drunk, flirting with others right in front of me, kissing a guy in front of me, displaying 'you are all stupid and I don't want to be here' through his body language at work, getting so drunk he would not be served anymore or would fall over, asking random colleagues if they wanted to have sex while he was drunk, coming on to his own subordinates, talking about private stuff with random colleagues, gossiping about others, I remember all of it. And it does help. Remembering also helped me in trying to understand why I accepted all this BS.