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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: years of dealing with BPD lover/friend and I have to save myself and let it go  (Read 473 times)
Ruby2shoes
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 1


« on: May 25, 2016, 11:18:25 PM »

My lover and friend for 40 years has finally worn me down with her BPD. I feel that even though I still love her, my life would have been so much happier had I never met her. At this late age I just cannot take the revolving love then abuse cycle. I am tired of being wonderful one day or for a short while and then a 180 degree "I hate you" projected at me in the most hurtful ways. She will blame me for things that never happened and then not talk to me for a long time as though I am so bad she cannot even say a word to me. The hateful silent treatments hurt the worst. I am getting older now and have made my own friends and am finally removing myself from the triangulation that she always set up to play one person against the other. Now that I am healing I can see that I was sick in this relationship. I saw her as my family and after 40 years I have decided that living my life with this person is not worth any family feelings I thought I needed. Family is not necessarily a God-like thing to be worshiped at all cost. It can be, with a BPD person that you love, a hell on earth!

I need to stay strong and finally nurture myself for once. I think I'm old enough and battle worn enough to deserve a life with some sanity. I need emotional support to not give in when she comes back for about the "I lost count years ago" again. Not again. I want to live.

Thank you
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned in Feb 2013.
Posts: 10947


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« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2016, 11:38:16 PM »

I need to stay strong and finally nurture myself for once. I think I'm old enough and battle worn enough to deserve a life with some sanity. I need emotional support to not give in when she comes back for about the "I lost count years ago" again. Not again. I want to live.

Hi Ruby2shoes,

What does she mean by that? How recently are you seperated, and what's the contact situation look like? How many previous break ups have you had? I hope to hear more and how we can support you 

Welcome

Turkish
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Stripey77
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 266



« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2016, 02:39:25 AM »

Welcome Ruby, there's lots of support on here from people in similar (but different) situations. If you feel that making the break is the best thing for your health and well being, then well done for making that move. It's never too late to create a new life for ourselves.

Turkish, I hope you don't mind me replying, but I believe that it's Ruby saying 'I lost count years ago', not the ex. As in, Ruby has lost count of how many times she has gone away and come back again.
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