The pain of being abandoned

[Tealady44]

 Hello, I just have to point out that I am no longer with my suspected BPD ex we split the day before Valentine's Day, which makes it all that much harder.

I guess when we met you could say I rescued him. He had lost his home which he did not tell me till a few weeks into the relationship. I had my own home which I shared with my 4 daughters.

To cut a long story short, my ex after a while found himself a home in a family members caravan at the seaside, this was all well and good till winter came. He had 2 children that stayed every other weekend, you can imagine winter in a caravan by the sea was very cold and the caravan park shut for 6 weeks over the festive period. This made my ex very depressed I became very worried he would do something silly and it was very difficult for his children to see him in this state, so I insisted him and his children stay with me and my family. Besides the fact I loved this vulnerable man and felt sorry for his children.

A little while later he developed chronic back pain that put him out of work for at least 6 weeks, during this time I supported him and went to appointments with him till it was sorted and he also got medication for depression witch lifted his mood. I forgot to mention that he was also a victim of child molistation by a neighbour which he told me about a few months into the relationship, at the time he was having a particularly bad depressive episode.

To cut a long story short we went on to get a bigger home together to make more space for his children at weekends. After we moved in to new home I felt a change, he would criticise my children for being messy, he said he needed to live by rules. My children were just the same in my other home and he didn't comment about this. I said how can we work together to make things better, he didn't really do any thing to help just critiqued with made it very upsetting for me and I would often cry, I would explain to my children who were 21, 17, and 15, and 6 that we need to shape up and not do this and that but nothing was good enough. One New Year's Eve me and my ex stayed with friends, my other daughters were with friends and family. My 17 year old told us she was staying with friends, but she had a gathering in the house and things got stolen, my partners laptop and PlayStation! Needless to say we were devistated, the broken trust between us and my daughter. But friends told me and I knew also teenagers have a tendency to do things like this and hopefully a lesson has been learned on her part. My daughter stayed with friends for a while, when she returned home my partner rufused to speak to her or discuss anything. I found this very strange and upsetting, if it were his daughter I felt I would not act the same.

Due to this strained relationship between him and my daughter, it made thing very inf

difficult for his daughter who was 14 at the time and who had a good bond with my 17 year old. It felt so strained but my partner was so stubborn insisting he would not talk to her or forgive her.

After new year this year, a year after the party he turned so cold on me and wouldn't talk to me. I tried to talk to him and ask if he was depressed, he would say no and pretend to be asleep! I felt like I couldn't be around him it was so painful and I would go out and do things if he was home. I forgot to mention he was a lorry driver and was only home weekends anyway. Then one day I said to him do you want to end it, he said yes it's not what he wanted and that night left, over a period of a month he kept coming back taking his stuff out of out home, he brought one of his children with him each time to avoid talking to me, this was so painful and so cold and cowardly.

After his stuff was gone by the end of March this year I have been in no contact, and it still hurts so much. Needless to say there are other aspects to my story that I can add later.

But the thing that struck me was the black and white devaluation of my daughter, yes she did wrong but she could learn from her mistakes being so young. And his clear devaluation of me.

Sorry for the long post had to get it all out.

[Mutt]

Hi Tealady44,



I'm sorry to hear that. Poor D17 that your partner refused to talk to he send the tension I can relate with how painful and invalidating  when your partner hives you the silent treatment. It sounds like the household had a lot of tension. That's tough.

Do you have a really good relationship with D17? It could be that he was jealous of your attention with how he splits your daughter.

I'm glad that you have found us. Many members here can relate with you and can offer you guidance and support . It helps to read as much as you on the disorder, you will quickly see the benefits and become proficient overtime. You're not a alone