trying to salvage

[peaceandlove]

My significant other was recently diagnosed with borderline traits and recently started the therapy process. She has done some significant work in the about two months she has been attending thus far, she is high functioning. It also seems to be increasing the episodes that we have as well. This last episode was the worst it has ever been... .throwing items, destroying some items, dumping water on me, throwing my clothes around, verbal abuse, and some innuendos of self harm which she would not commit to when directly asked. I know I did not help the situation either as I made comments that escalated the situation and were hurtful as well. I ended up leaving the house with all my clothes and staying with family for the night. I tried going back today and she is still not in a mind frame for talking. I feel lost. I read through some of the tools pages and there are definitely some things I can do to try differently. I am committed to staying with her, I know some day I may have reached my limit, but still have hope. I know at this point I cannot make her thinking come back to being rational to try to have a conversation to make some kind of repair right now and that could take a while.  I came upon this page searching for some more information to try to help the situation. Thanks ahead of time.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi peaceandlove,



I'm sorry to hear that. I can see how that would feel emotionally distressing and frustrating. The tit for tat in our relationship power struggles was exhausting. Don't be hard on yourself. I'm glad that you have found us.

There are specific tools (communication, validation, boundaries, timeout) that everyone in a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder needs to master. People with this disorder tend to perceive the world differently than you and I, but there is an order and the rationale within that perception - it's not just random craziness as we might sometimes think. Our senior members on Staying are very good at helping apply these principles to everyday life problems. The educational material associated with that group is based on the work from leading experts in the disorder.

I'm happy to hear that you fled the situation for a time out. I would advise to read as much ad you can about the disorder, you'll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. I'll leave you with a short video on ending conflict and I'll point out the lessons at the right side of the board.

A 3 Minute Lesson on Ending Conflict

Regards,

Mutt

[peaceandlove]

Hi peaceandlove,



I'm sorry to hear that. I can see how that would feel emotionally distressing and frustrating. The tit for tat in our relationship power struggles was exhausting. Don't be hard on yourself. I'm glad that you have found us.

There are specific tools (communication, validation, boundaries, timeout) that everyone in a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder needs to master. People with this disorder tend to perceive the world differently than you and I, but there is an order and the rationale within that perception - it's not just random craziness as we might sometimes think. Our senior members on Staying are very good at helping apply these principles to everyday life problems. The educational material associated with that group is based on the work from leading experts in the disorder.

I'm happy to hear that you fled the situation for a time out. I would advise to read as much ad you can about the disorder, you'll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. I'll leave you with a short video on ending conflict and I'll point out the lessons at the right side of the board.

A 3 Minute Lesson on Ending Conflict

Regards,

Mutt

Thank you, I watched that video last night and is a good start off. Reading through I see the more we read the more of a language that has been developed specifically for this. I had started reading walking on eggshells book and it is now missing, so I still have the 'I hate you don't leave me' book I can read. Also have a mindfulness book on borderline. I initially have been thinking that it is skills she needs to learn, and I'm seeing now it's not just her that can learn some skills. I am glad to have found this resource, thank you for the welcome and encouragement.