Here comes the pain again

[kc sunshine]

It's the first day after our break up (our third in 2 1/2 years). I was pretty numb yesterday but here is today, and I can feel the pain creeping in. The self-doubt. The replaying of yesterday, and my mess ups that led to the break up. Things I could have done differently both in the short term (yesterday) and the long term (over the course of this last recycle). I'm hurting gang.

[troisette]

Sorry to hear that kc.

We could all have done things differently but in the end, we were involved with someone with a serious mental illness. Please don't go to self-doubt.

Take care, look after yourself. 

[C.Stein]

It might help to share what you think went wrong on both sides.  

[JerryRG]

Hang in there kc

We've all been where you are, you will survive this and be reborn into a new you that one day you will look back on in amazement.

PwBPD are pretty much the same as far as I can tell, same stories over and over. We nons are similar too, foo stuff?

If I am many thousands of others can make it then without a dought you will too. You are not in prison, you are still alive, you can get well, focus on the good things in your life.

Keep walking forward, (hell is actually shallow)

Be good to yourself emotinally, physically and spiritually

Keep reading, keep working, rest when you need to, connect with positive people, therapists, councel

Don't go it alone, we are hear and everyone contributes to each other's well being.

[kc sunshine]

Thank you all so much.

It is hard to turn to friends after they have had to hear so much (because this is the third recycle).

It terms of what happened, we got into a bad cycle of her being suspicious and me getting secretive about my phone (not like I was seeing anyone, but even my relationships with my friends were triggers for her). I know this was an unhealthy cycle for both of us, so it is good she ended it. She is involved with someone else (we were open this time around) so I don't have FOG, just sadness this time around. In terms of my part, I wish I could have been brave enough to just be myself and not be so worried about her getting mad at me about my life.

[C.Stein]

I wish I could have been brave enough to just be myself and not be so worried about her getting mad at me about my life.

Much like we have to be capable and have self-love in order to give love we also have to take care of/be there for ourselves before we can be there for another.  It is time for you to put the oxygen mask on.  

[once removed]

hi kc sunshine 

In terms of my part, I wish I could have been brave enough to just be myself and not be so worried about her getting mad at me about my life.

i would suggest that doing exactly that, from this point, will help facilitate detachment.

its easier said than done to practice boundaries and not walk on eggshells, and just be ourselves without any worry. my ex had pretty extreme jealousy toward female friends. those friendships of mine had kind of gone by the wayside before my relationship began. i wanted to rekindle them during the relationship. each time id try, something would go very wrong. it got to the point where i told myself "oh, ya know, its not her, i think im just not ready to rekindle these relationships."

when we broke up, i did everything i could to try and enjoy my new found "freedom". contacted old friends. flirted (i dont necessarily recommend that, it really depends on you as a person). you may find as you take steps to reclaim your life, that you feel FOG around the areas in which you walked on eggshells. very natural reaction.

hang in there. we are here for you every step of the way.

[kc sunshine]

I haven't cried yet. Oh man, I am worried about the pain. This fear (fear of the pain of the break up) must be what kept me in when things were rough, and also moved me to make choices that were less than healthy for me. But of course nothing I could do to try to avert the breakup could match the power of BPD, especially when she is in the middle of an infatuation with another woman. I'll try to lean into the pain when it comes.