Why do I feel bad?

[FigureIt]

It is officially over.  My uBPDbf knows I have bought a house and will be moving out.  So we are done.  My house doesn't close for 2 months so I will still be in the same house as him until then.  Why does it hurt?

Why do I feel bad?  He wreaked havoc on me for 4 1/2yrs.  The past 5 months have been more stable, but he still lies, he still verbally harassed me, he's still always up & down.

I know it's a good thing to be moving on.  Although he's spun the table and is being the "victim"

[C.Stein]

Why does it hurt?

It hurts because you spent nearly 5 years of your life investing your energy, hopes and dreams into a relationship that has failed.  It is natural to hurt, and it will hurt, and it is OK.  Failing is part of life and we can only strive to learn from our mistakes and grow as individuals. 

It is good you now have a solid exit plan.  I commend you on the strength you have shown to take this step.   

[Thrive]

There is an interesting book on Attachment that talks about the chemical processes involved in the human brain that bond us to those we love. It's such a powerful thing that our bodies actually regulate to the other person; hormones, breathing, and blood pressure all regulate to sync up with the person you love. It's all meant to keep pairs bonded and prevent seperation. When seperation occurs, the areas in your brain that light up are the same areas that become active when a limb is amputated.

The brain registers the pain of seperation exactly the same way it registers the pain of losing your leg.

You are in pain. Actual pain. Not metaphorical.

Go slow with you. Heal.

[HurtinNW]

There is an interesting book on Attachment that talks about the chemical processes involved in the human brain that bond us to those we love. It's such a powerful thing that our bodies actually regulate to the other person; hormones, breathing, and blood pressure all regulate to sync up with the person you love. It's all meant to keep pairs bonded and prevent seperation. When seperation occurs, the areas in your brain that light up are the same areas that become active when a limb is amputated.

The brain registers the pain of seperation exactly the same way it registers the pain of losing your leg.

You are in pain. Actual pain. Not metaphorical.

Go slow with you. Heal.

I think this attachment pain is true for me. Not my ex. I don't think he feels the same pain of emotional amputation. I wonder if his brain chemicals ever ignited. Has anyone studied whether those with PDs have the same chemical responses?

[Dhand77]

It's ironic how my favorite video game of 2015 was called Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, due to the lead character losing his left hand, and now I've spent the entire 2016 with a phantom pain all my own.

It's been the only way that I can describe her ripping herself out of my life so suddenly. I feel like a person that lost an appendage.

[C.Stein]

It's ironic how my favorite video game of 2015 was called Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, due to the lead character losing his left hand, and now I've spent the entire 2016 with a phantom pain all my own.

It's been the only way that I can describe her ripping herself out of my life so suddenly. I feel like a person that lost an appendage.

I can understand that feeling.  No matter how much it was hurting during the relationship, now that she is gone something is missing.  It is hard letting go of someone that was probably the center of your life, even if it was unhealthy.

[Ahoy]

It's ironic how my favorite video game of 2015 was called Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, due to the lead character losing his left hand, and now I've spent the entire 2016 with a phantom pain all my own.

It's been the only way that I can describe her ripping herself out of my life so suddenly. I feel like a person that lost an appendage.

I can understand that feeling.  No matter how much it was hurting during the relationship, now that she is gone something is missing.  It is hard letting go of someone that was probably the center of your life, even if it was unhealthy.

Even if we unquestionably know how unhealthy it is.

[C.Stein]

It's ironic how my favorite video game of 2015 was called Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, due to the lead character losing his left hand, and now I've spent the entire 2016 with a phantom pain all my own.

It's been the only way that I can describe her ripping herself out of my life so suddenly. I feel like a person that lost an appendage.

I can understand that feeling.  No matter how much it was hurting during the relationship, now that she is gone something is missing.  It is hard letting go of someone that was probably the center of your life, even if it was unhealthy.

Even if we unquestionably know how unhealthy it is.

Strong emotions can easily override any logical/rational thought processes.  In spite of what my ex did and how badly she hurt me, when I was at my lowest point I would have gone back to her in a heart beat.  My emotions were overriding my cognitive processes (as is detailed in a series of threads on this site).  Even now there are emotions that continue to challenge my rational mind.

[FigureIt]

I think some of it is when they know you are on the leaving side they all of the sudden become on their best behavior. It's like that honeymoon phase when you were 1st dating. And you start to forget this red flags blowing in the wind.  And they feed on that part of you that doesn't want to hurt people, hey know just how to tweak that part of you.