The pain is absolutely excruciating.
I’m so sorry you’re suffering like this. I did find CBT as recommended by Turk helped me, but also medication was a big, big help. I know you may not feel like it, but have a go at some of the suggestions, some of it may well help.
You also mentioned not being able to stop thinking about your family. Rumination is a common problem when BPD is involved, I found computer games or painting helped break those thoughts. Anything that’s arresting, so maybe a hobby, may break the rumination.
You mentioned coming home and feeling down – being close to nature can help. I’ve been depressed in a beautiful setting and depressed at home, but depressed in a beautiful setting is much better. Never forget, it’s just how you’re feeling now, it’s not forever. Don't isolate yourself, even though that might feel natural, I also found the Samaritans are extremely good at dealing with we depressed folk and they're free. Just benefiting from the kindness of strangers can make a difference. Wishing you the best of everything.
