Paralyzed: Glad you had a conversation with you dad and that he is staying where he is. Sounds like the safest situation right now.
Has your sister gotten any therapy or is she on any meds? I'm thinking that since she is on disability for depression and anxiety, that she may be coerced to get some level of treatment (unless she is already on permanent disability).
I need to start putting into practice some of the skills I learned at NA.
Good that you already have some tool to work with and that you have begun to dust them off. I've been thinking recently that I wish I had learned better interpersonal relationship tools, when I was young. Many of us didn't have good role models in that regard. Too bad it isn't a requirement to pass an "EQ" test to graduate high school (or minimally for a college degree).
What's your situation?
I don't want to hijack your thread, but I do feel it helps all of us her to share our situations.
The uBPD in my life is my sister. My father was a mixed bag of mental health issues. Was he uBPD? Perhaps. He had some BPD traits. He had anxiety and anger issues, depression that appeared to be mainly seasonal (SAD) and perhaps a bit ADD & OCD. I loved my dad, but I had to get away from his grumpy and critical nature. It was a relief for me, when I left home to live on my own. I've often wondered how my mom was able to tolerate it for so many years.
At 92, both my parent's health was beginning to decline. My dad wouldn't have gone to any "retirement home" and he was resistant to anyone coming into his own home, other than family. That presented a very difficult situation, as my uBPD sister and I had to work together to do our best to take care of our parents during their sudden failing health. Both parents ended up being hospitalized at the same time and both passed within 6 months of each other. The wheels really fell off the bus in regard to my sister, as my sister proceeded to paint me black. It started early on, when we had to work on the very first issue regarding my parents.
My sister wouldn't go to therapy, stating that she doesn't need it. I was the one who went to therapy and learned that my sister likely has BPD. I couldn't rationalize how she could be so involved with a church and seemingly interact acceptably with church friends, but be so dysfunctional and nasty with me. I purchased the book, "Stop Walking on Egg Shells" and a workbook. From one questionnaire I took, my sister appears to be a high functioning BPD.
My sister and I were "co's" on everything in regard to my parents: Medical Power of Attorneys, Financial POA and the co-trustees on their trust. It has been a living hell, since the first moment we had to agree on some decision or even discuss an issue: Arguments about petty little things, frequent phone hang ups in mid conversation. She became fixated on thinking I was talking down to her. Then, she would complain that I "Talked to her as if she were someone I worked with. I couldn't win in any regard. From her prospective, I was either talking down to her or over her head.
It was hard to get her to really listen during conversations. She would argue that I didn't say something that I did say, then she would argue that I said something I didn't say. WOW, she would start an argument, when there wasn't one to be had (assuming I has a position I didn't take) Then, there were the rages, name calling and rants about everything she hates about me.
I could go on and on about the things she has done. My sister ended up getting a lawyer, because she wanted an immediate 50% of the remaining trust funds, before we settled all the bills, taxes and other trust matters. So, I've had to get my own lawyer to deal with her. Sadly, my sister would rather waste thousands of dollars to try and get her way. I'm currently only in contact with her via lawyers or US Mail. I will likely go No Contact (NC) with her, once we get all the trust matters settled. Should my sister ever decide to seek therapy, I'm open to resume communications and work on some things with her.l
