Do you ever feel that your replecement is better than you?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I really do feel that way a lot, because of the fact that they've been together longer. I've quit checking their social media and I feel that's helping some. Sometimes I tell myself what if the reason they've lasted longer is because his bounderies are weaker than mine? I know there's no way he's treating her any better than I did because I treated her like a queen. The past few days I was doing good about seeing her for who she is, but I feel like I'm slipping again

Also does anybody else do this? Why is it that one day I can see her for who she is and what she did, and the next few days I'm feeling like garbage and doubting myself again?

I really just want to get past this. I'm driving myself insane. I guess this was more of a vent than anything I'm just glad I have people to vent to because my family is tired of hearing about it after months

[reincarnate93]

I really do feel that way a lot, because of the fact that they've been together longer. I've quit checking their social media and I feel that's helping some. Sometimes I tell myself what if the reason they've lasted longer is because his bounderies are weaker than mine? I know there's no way he's treating her any better than I did because I treated her like a queen. The past few days I was doing good about seeing her for who she is, but I feel like I'm slipping again

Also does anybody else do this? Why is it that one day I can see her for who she is and what she did, and the next few days I'm feeling like garbage and doubting myself again?

I really just want to get past this. I'm driving myself insane. I guess this was more of a vent than anything I'm just glad I have people to vent to because my family is tired of hearing about it after months

[luckyclover]

Amazing this is the same i could write. I feel like i'm not good. He is probably much better, the new guy. My ex told me i was so good in bed for example so is the new guy better? I did give my ex everything... .what is he giving her? I do know i should not think about it but it is really hard.

Also... .some days i just cant do anything feels like i want to cry all day. But then day after i feel fine. My family is soo tierd of me talking about this.

One other thing when you try to explain to someone what happend i sometimes get good answear and people know what i'm talking about. And then is the other one thay almost say i'm a pussy forget it and move on its EASY! NO its not

[Dhand77]

Amazing this is the same i could write. I feel like i'm not good. He is probably much better, the new guy. My ex told me i was so good in bed for example so is the new guy better? I did give my ex everything... .what is he giving her? I do know i should not think about it but it is really hard.

Also... .some days i just cant do anything feels like i want to cry all day. But then day after i feel fine. My family is soo tierd of me talking about this.

One other thing when you try to explain to someone what happend i sometimes get good answear and people know what i'm talking about. And then is the other one thay almost say i'm a pussy forget it and move on its EASY! NO its not

Personally, I think it's the ones that treat them like crap and constantly fill their need for drama end up being the ones that hang around.

After my ex discarded me. The smear campaign begun, she ran into her cousin and promptly threw me under the bus. A few days later, I received a message on FB from my Ex's Aunt. The aunt raised my ex for half of her life, so she's seen her do what she did to me, to other men. It was an enlightening correspondence where I learned more about my ex in one night than I did in 4 years with her. She laid it out plain and simple, it WASN'T my fault. It was my ex's insecurities and mental issues. She also stated, that if I had treated her like absolute garbage, she would have followed me around like a puppy dog. She's immature and incapable of truly being happy.

That was a big wake up call for me, coming from someone that raised the woman I was in a relationship and I think she's kinda right. If I was feeding her drama, she'd follow me around forever.

[SoMadSoSad]

In my case the new guy is better. And being with him puts her in a better more secure support group (i.e. his friends and family). It makes me wonder if she left me cause I triggered her or she just found someone better and blames me for everything to avoid feeling the guilt of leaving me for someone else 

[JerryRG]

My exgfs new bf is a mouse, he's so desperate for a woman he will put up with her bs without any resistance. He's about 4' 8" and all of 90 lbs. He looks like he has down syndrome. And no I'm not exagerating. The bf she had before me was referred to "it". So yes my ex will date anyone who looks at her.

Don't ask what I look like,

I'm 6' 220 and in good shape.

Sorta

Kinda

Lol

[reincarnate93]

My case is kinda weird and makes no sense. as long as I've know her she's never been able to stay with one person for longer than four months.

She's a diagnosed pwBPD.

I was in a relationship with her twice (the latest time being more serious) the first time we were together she left me after the 3 month mark. and then was in a relationship with someone else for 4 months, that went south and she started talking to her current boyfriend (long distance at the time) for about a month then she hurt him. I ran into her one day at a store and avoided eye contact and left, then I went home and saw she sent me a message on facebook telling me how sorry she was that she hurt me and I forgave her.

After that we got back together and things were alright again until about another 3 months when she started cheating again. Then she dumped the dude she cheated on me with and got back together with her current boyfriend and moved 1300 miles away to be with him. they've been together for 7 months now.

Its truly confusing to me. that's a total of 4 people just in the year of 2015, seems rather crazy to me.

[Icanteven]

Its truly confusing to me. that's a total of 4 people just in the year of 2015, seems rather crazy to me.

Four is low. I was boyfriend #8 for the year, I just didn't know it till later.

[schwing]

hi reincarnate93,

I really do feel that way a lot, because of the fact that they've been together longer. I've quit checking their social media and I feel that's helping some. Sometimes I tell myself what if the reason they've lasted longer is because his bounderies are weaker than mine? I know there's no way he's treating her any better than I did because I treated her like a queen. The past few days I was doing good about seeing her for who she is, but I feel like I'm slipping again

Also does anybody else do this? Why is it that one day I can see her for who she is and what she did, and the next few days I'm feeling like garbage and doubting myself again?

In the aftermath of my relationship with my uBPDgf I felt very similarly.  I wanted to know why her current relationship (which overlapped the ending of her relationship with me) wasn't happening in the same way -- or I kept wondering if she could actually be happy with her current relationship -- or is there something I did wrong? etc... etc...

Here's how I understand what I went through: my relationship with my uBPDgf touched me deeply.  She was able to be for me someone I desperately wanted and needed.  And through her I was able to reach some deep personal wounds and I thought/believed that by being with her, these wounds could heal.  Only that was a lie (I told myself).  She couldn't heal these wounds.  She had her own wounds and the way she interacted with me, with the next guy, was part of how she was trying to deal with her own hurts.

So when the relationship ended it was a massive loss.  It wasn't just that the relationship ended.  I was left with a greater awareness of my own personal wounds... .and it hurt like hell.  And it was the most awful feeling I had ever had to feel even to date.  But I realize now, it was a gift.  Before I had this awareness, this pain dominated how I interacted with myself and other people; and this was all unconscious... before.

Right now, I think you're going through "bargaining."  You're alternating between acceptance that the relationship is over and it was no good for you, and wondering what you could have done to have "fixed" the relationship.  You're wondering, what the heck does this other guy have that makes his relationship different from yours... .and I tell you, he has different issues from you.  There are some members in the forums here that stay with their BPD loved for decades.  And some only last for months.  You tell me, who are better off?

There is a part of the pain that you are feeling right now that has nothing to do with your relationship with this woman.  Whether you realize it or not, that is probably the bigger part of your pain.  That's the part that you are having trouble coming to terms with, which is why you find yourself obsessing over what happened in the relationship, what is happening with her currently relationship... .You feel like "garbage" but you may still need to figure out why you feel as badly as you do.

I really just want to get past this. I'm driving myself insane. I guess this was more of a vent than anything I'm just glad I have people to vent to because my family is tired of hearing about it after months

You will get past this.  Unfortunately the only way to get past some kinds of pain (the biggest kinds of pain) is to go through it.  :)on't focus on her and what she's going through.  Focus on you.  Take care of yourself.  Be compassionate towards yourself.

Best wishes,

Schwing

[Confused99]

All great stuff.  I was with my BPD for 5 years and got married.  She had a affair with a absolute loser but was madly into him.  We got divorced. She was Talking marriage etc with him  it killed me.  Literally could not get out of bed.  Could not eat.  She would text me the nastiest crap you have ever seen.   Then days later ask to see me.   It was absolute torture.  Finally I broke down and met her and she came back.  We moved back in together and it lasted a little over a year.  Looking back at that year on one hand I felt less stress and pain but that was because I was used to the abuse.  We barely had sex.  We didn't sleep in same bed.  Her kid was a disaster.

I just found out she's dating a CEO who is loaded but is 65 and she is 27.  Got to tell you it hurts.   I also heard she took him on vacation.  She never paid anything with me.   That hurt really bad.  I'm working every day to get better.  I know she is not the answer for me but I still look for her online.  Any help appreciated.  Just today she wants a item back from me right after she threatened with a restraining order.

[Raspberry]

Always, isn't low self esteem pleasant   Why do BPD often attract the vulnerable ones x

[steelwork]

At first I was 100% convinced I was a better match for him than my replacement. It seemed bonkers that he was with her. Partly that was because he'd said so many disparaging things about her before they got together, but also it was because I felt they had nothing in common. She's so much younger than him, and we had so many shared experiences in our lives that we bonded over, and he said things like that he'd never been so viscerally understood, etc. etc. He said he would never love anyone else, he'd lie to any new woman "so I can keep her," but he wouldn't be able to fool himself. Whenever I remembered things like that, I'd think, "It can't last with her! He's lying to her!"

Because, you see, I was clinging to the words he said.

(False belief #6: https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/10_beliefs.pdf)

Fast forward to a year and a half later. I've had time to really go over all the differences between us, and I see all the ways we weren't compatible, and that she is much more compatible with him in those ways. It's a bitter pill to swallow. But lying to myself is not going to help.

Yeah, she's better for him.

And she'll pay and pay one day for that fact.

[SoMadSoSad]

At first I was 100% convinced I was a better match for him than my replacement. It seemed bonkers that he was with her. Partly that was because he'd said so many disparaging things about her before they got together, but also it was because I felt they had nothing in common. She's so much younger than him, and we had so many shared experiences in our lives that we bonded over, and he said things like that he'd never been so viscerally understood, etc. etc. He said he would never love anyone else, he'd lie to any new woman "so I can keep her," but he wouldn't be able to fool himself. Whenever I remembered things like that, I'd think, "It can't last with her! He's lying to her!"

Because, you see, I was clinging to the words he said.

(False belief #6: https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/10_beliefs.pdf)

Fast forward to a year and a half later. I've had time to really go over all the differences between us, and I see all the ways we weren't compatible, and that she is much more compatible with him in those ways. It's a bitter pill to swallow. But lying to myself is not going to help.

Yeah, she's better for him.

And she'll pay and pay one day for that fact.

Do you still love him?

[steelwork]

Do you still love him?

In a complicated way, but yes. I don't un-love people.

[Rayban]

My exgfs new bf is a mouse, he's so desperate for a woman he will put up with her bs without any resistance. He's about 4' 8" and all of 90 lbs. He looks like he has down syndrome. And no I'm not exagerating. The bf she had before me was referred to "it". So yes my ex will date anyone who looks at her.

Don't ask what I look like,

I'm 6' 220 and in good shape.

Sorta

Kinda

Lol

My exBPDgf is the same way. In the beginning of my relationship, I remember her bringing up an idea to open up a dating site for 30 plus people who haven't found love. At the time I thought the idea was interesting. Now I just realize it was just another one of her hints, she would throw out there as to who she actually was. This was her way of saying that it would be so much easier if she had access to a database of single men naive enough to fall for her.

I get to see her operate in my workplace, and nobody is out of bounds. Pay her a little attention, and she has no problem flirting and doing God knows what else with a man 30 years her senior, or the temp guy 15 years younger then her. Women are also not off limits. Always through the guise that she is a friendly person, she will find and mirror anyone who would moderately put up with her BS.

[Xstang77]

Amazing this is the same i could write. I feel like i'm not good. He is probably much better, the new guy. My ex told me i was so good in bed for example so is the new guy better? I did give my ex everything... .what is he giving her? I do know i should not think about it but it is really hard.

Also... .some days i just cant do anything feels like i want to cry all day. But then day after i feel fine. My family is soo tierd of me talking about this.

One other thing when you try to explain to someone what happend i sometimes get good answear and people know what i'm talking about. And then is the other one thay almost say i'm a pussy forget it and move on its EASY! NO its not

Personally, I think it's the ones that treat them like crap and constantly fill their need for drama end up being the ones that hang around.

After my ex discarded me. The smear campaign begun, she ran into her cousin and promptly threw me under the bus. A few days later, I received a message on FB from my Ex's Aunt. The aunt raised my ex for half of her life, so she's seen her do what she did to me, to other men. It was an enlightening correspondence where I learned more about my ex in one night than I did in 4 years with her. She laid it out plain and simple, it WASN'T my fault. It was my ex's insecurities and mental issues. She also stated, that if I had treated her like absolute garbage, she would have followed me around like a puppy dog. She's immature and incapable of truly being happy.

That was a big wake up call for me, coming from someone that raised the woman I was in a relationship and I think she's kinda right. If I was feeding her drama, she'd follow me around forever.

ive talked to

Some of

My exs. Friend during our other break ups and they all have ideas about her before hand,the half common sense people see people like my ex for what they are in my opinion that's why I haven't even bothered saying my side on fb or anything I think a lot of people that know them long enough can tell somethings off,especially since my ex is in a new relationship less then a week later.

[bunny4523]

No, never.  The replacement would have to be mentally unhealthly themselves to put up with that kind of a relationship.  As I WAS while I was putting up with it. You've had the best, now you can try all the rest!

Come on gang... .don't second guess yourselves.  I understand when that little voice of doubt gets in BUT remember who you are.  Stay strong.   Don't let them in your head anymore.  Only positive people who know you and love you and support you that give you high self esteem and boost your confidence.

 

   

[steelwork]

Come on gang... .don't second guess yourselves.  I understand when that little voice of doubt gets in BUT remember who you are.  Stay strong.   on't let them in your head anymore.  Only positive people who know you and love you and support you that give you high self esteem and boost your confidence.

Thanks, bunny. The thing is, I just think she's better for him. Not better. Our intense attraction made us gloss over a lot of incompatibilities. And as I said, it's probably not going to end well for her, because he has so many emotional and cognitive problems.

[bunny4523]

[/quote]
Thanks, bunny. The thing is, I just think she's better for him. Not better. Our intense attraction made us gloss over a lot of incompatibilities. And as I said, it's probably not going to end well for her, because he has so many emotional and cognitive problems.[/quote]
Yes that I can agree with.  2 disfunctional people work better together then when there is only 1.  They keep the cycle going, leap frogging one after the other.

[JerryRG]

Yes I was extremely unhealthy to be in a relationship with my exgf and for anyone to be with her they have to be unhealthy as well. What guy would want to be lied too, taken advantage of, take care of a broken down woman with 100s of fake illnesses and put up with chaos, drama and manipulation? Certainly not a healthy individual

[Concerns]

I feel being in relationships such as these causes trauma. Even after we get out of the relationship, we are still traumatized. As a result, we begin the process of healing. During that process, we naturally reflect on what happened, our role, and how we relate to ourselves among other things. Part of this is referential. Since we are often replaced with someone else, it is only natural that we start to make comparisons to try and get a handle on our new place in the world.

    With BPD, we can be painted black and a picture is drawn about us, often extremely distorted, about who we are as people. It has definite repercussions on the psyche. Meanwhile as we try and dig ourselves out of this dark hole, they are in the idealization phase with their new partner who is often painted white. Everything is perfect with this new person. The pwBPD seems so much better and so much happier. This is a falsehood.

Nothing about them has changed fundamentally. You can look back to the beginning of your own relationship to get a clue. Then remember how things began to deteriorate. You can be rest assured that it will occur at some point in the new relationship if the pwBPD isn't making a developed and concerted effort at getting better with therapy. Anything less is distraction from their problems.

When I think about my replacement, do I think he is better? No. I often feel sorry for that person. No matter what happens on the public face-Facebook,Instagram, etc., the real story behind closed doors can be so different. How many times have you heard about "normal" relationships that imploded around you and you here the inevitable cliches, "don't judge a book by its cover" "You never know what happens behind closed doors" "You seemed like the perfect couple... ."

My replacement makes more money than I do so I'm just a loser provider. But she has no capacity for processing her effect on the relationship. How I, rather than she, has dedicated his life to the stability of our son. How I have sacrificed time and resources to her and his care. How I remained the stable one when her behavior demanded she not be completely trusted around our son.

So as he throws money at her and her life is soo much better because she gets to travel to Tahoe for the weekend, I feel better. I am taking care of our son. I decided to be with him. I chose to spend time with him. To enjoy him. To live our days together. To see him grow up and be aware that everyday is a special day. I feel lucky that I get to gain my mental and physical health back. I feel lucky that my exposure to toxicity is becoming more limited. Be proud that you made a life decision to help someone so troubled. Steel yourself knowing their trouble is not yours and will continue with them not matter who they are with... .   

[Herodias]

Yes I was extremely unhealthy to be in a relationship with my exgf and for anyone to be with her they have to be unhealthy as well. What guy would want to be lied too, taken advantage of, take care of a broken down woman with 100s of fake illnesses and put up with chaos, drama and manipulation? Certainly not a healthy individual

I agree... .I know I am better than her! I know that she is better with him, because the two of them are more alike in maturity. He said that himself. He also said she was a better match because I "cost a fortune and she is cheap",  Yes... .That should say allot right there... .His mother called her Trash. So, I know I am a better person as I am not a cheater and liar as she is turning out to be. Will it work out since he is from the city and her the country? Who knows, the BPD will take over at some point. It is better that two messed up people are not out there messing up good peoples lives, that's for sure. Trust me, I have self esteem issues, so it is not my "big" ego saying these things.  I was a better fit for his family and lifestyle they live... .I just think he is trying to fit in with his own family and he thinks having a baby with someone is the answer. That part didn't work out for me, but I do not believe in the long run a baby will not be the answer for him either.

[steelwork]

I realize I took the meaning of the original question in a different direction. I guess I was looking it as a basic compatibility issue.

In the sense that my ex was really emotionally volatile and dishonest and Jeckyll/Hyde and a blamer and put me on a pedestal and love bombed me and then decided I was a horrible person with no in-between, in the sense that he's unable to communicate in a mature way and expects other people to safeguard his emotions for him, I don't think anyone is "right" for him. Nope.

But even leaving aside all that, there were problems. He's more conservative about life--meaning, doing things by the book. He's terrified of job instability (despite being incredibly employable), and my preference for scaling back and working less was clearly not something he was comfortable with, even though he claimed he was. He told me his shrink said I was too "bohemian" for him. I think he believed that was true, deep down, even though he expressed interest in all the things I like. We were both veterans of a punk rock scene, but I think he really wanted to put that in his past, though he didn't say so. I could go on. In short, he was so eager to please me that I think he gave me the idea we had more common values than we really do.

In a nutshell: the new woman, though considerably younger, is more conservative. She's also a real high achiever. He played that down with me, but I think it's actually super important to him: being "the best" at stuff.

So I guess I took the question not as a value judgement, exactly. But taking it that way, do I think she's better than me? No way. She sucks. And deep down, he's settling for an unkind, petty, narcissistic bore. Good for them. And since I kind of hate her, I can't really be sad knowing that in all likelihood he will be incapable of telling her when he's upset, or when problems arise. Instead, he'll grow cold on her and start chatting up some other woman and charm that woman and then, when he has her hooked, dump my replacement in the cruelest possible way. And it will be so much worse for her, because unlike me, she didn't hesitate to jump feet-first into a live-in relationship.

So there!

[Chelsea 69]

Hi like a lot of us on here in the beginning we beat ourself up

.We are program to feel like this this is part of the reasons we find so hard to break free ... We are told we are the best we are built  up so high we feel nobody is better. So when we get dropped our brain can't take it all in how can we be her knight one minute to be a total nobody the next. 6 years I gave thinking I was the only one but after reading these boards you will start seeing tho the lies since I left she has three different friends that the word she like to use the next one is always the right one see tho the lies and you will find piece... your self esteem is low that why you will think your  replacement is better but in reality she building him up just as she did you me and a lot more

[Rickybee]

I feel being in relationships such as these causes trauma. Even after we get out of the relationship, we are still traumatized. As a result, we begin the process of healing. During that process, we naturally reflect on what happened, our role, and how we relate to ourselves among other things. Part of this is referential. Since we are often replaced with someone else, it is only natural that we start to make comparisons to try and get a handle on our new place in the world.

    With BPD, we can be painted black and a picture is drawn about us, often extremely distorted, about who we are as people. It has definite repercussions on the psyche. Meanwhile as we try and dig ourselves out of this dark hole, they are in the idealization phase with their new partner who is often painted white. Everything is perfect with this new person. The pwBPD seems so much better and so much happier. This is a falsehood.

Nothing about them has changed fundamentally. You can look back to the beginning of your own relationship to get a clue. Then remember how things began to deteriorate. You can be rest assured that it will occur at some point in the new relationship if the pwBPD isn't making a developed and concerted effort at getting better with therapy. Anything less is distraction from their problems.

When I think about my replacement, do I think he is better? No. I often feel sorry for that person. No matter what happens on the public face-Facebook,Instagram, etc., the real story behind closed doors can be so different. How many times have you heard about "normal" relationships that imploded around you and you here the inevitable cliches, "don't judge a book by its cover" "You never know what happens behind closed doors" "You seemed like the perfect couple... ."

My replacement makes more money than I do so I'm just a loser provider. But she has no capacity for processing her effect on the relationship. How I, rather than she, has dedicated his life to the stability of our son. How I have sacrificed time and resources to her and his care. How I remained the stable one when her behavior demanded she not be completely trusted around our son.

So as he throws money at her and her life is soo much better because she gets to travel to Tahoe for the weekend, I feel better. I am taking care of our son. I decided to be with him. I chose to spend time with him. To enjoy him. To live our days together. To see him grow up and be aware that everyday is a special day. I feel lucky that I get to gain my mental and physical health back. I feel lucky that my exposure to toxicity is becoming more limited. Be proud that you made a life decision to help someone so troubled. Steel yourself knowing their trouble is not yours and will continue with them not matter who they are with... .   

I really needed to hear that... great thread guys

[Wantingtochange]

This very topic consumed me, I allowed it to take me to some very dark places.

Now, the question is, why do we tie our self worth/esteem to them? Look there, go deep, and see what you find. It was life changing for me.

I took my power back. My focus is no longer about them though at times I ask these same questions. But I now refuse to allow them to have that much power in my life. Its  choice I made.

My replacement will more then likely experience the same things we have. And so will yours.There is some level of dysfunction on both sides, let's be honest. And my replacement iis no differen. If he was, he wouldn't be in a relationship with her.

Take your power back. Focus on you instead of the replacement... .

[Chelsea 69]

I agree with everything you have said once you get past the pain you see the truth. you tell them your weaknesses and they pray on them 7to 8 of our BPD will have had replacement in line well before they drop you so to you its seem too quick after what we through was special. nope just lies in one of the many rages I did say I thought we had something special her reply no I was faking it at the time I'd said no way ... but being here Yeh it's all an act and they are very good at that and even better at picking out the likes of use your replacement will be just as taken in by it just like ourselves cos the build up is a great ride but what goes up has to come down and we have all hit the ground very hard

[Hopeful83]

I don't even think about the replacement anymore, but when I do I feel nothing but indifference (and sometimes some residual anger about the way things went down).

Regardless, though, I'm choosing to look at my breakup as a blessing. I have a whole new awareness now about myself and the way I interact with the world. I had not faced up to the many, many issues that I had, and I don't think I would have had the opportunity to see things so crystal clearly had I not been through this. I've been in therapy for months, I've faced up to my demons, I've got to really know myself and I'm learning to release the ghosts of the past. And the biggest challenge for me was learning self-compassion, which was such an alien concept for me before. I feel like I'm miles healthier emotionally now than I've ever been in my life.

Of course, I wouldn't wish that pain on anybody - the last year has also been the most challenging. There were times when I felt like I was on the brink of insanity. I still have bad days, I still self-doubt at times. But overall I know that it was for the best.

So back to the replacement and my ex. A friend of mine said that I was the best opportunity my ex ever had to face up to his demons and his controlling, prejudiced, narcissistic mother. Now I see what she means. I was by no means perfect, but I tried my best to help him through his issues. Although I was by no means perfect, I was a lot maturer than him in many ways, and I know he appreciated all the help I gave him. And, unlike him, I would have kept to my word and been there for him through anything had he shown me the respect I deserved at the end.

My replacement, from what I know, is immature, not emotionally aware, and by the sounds of it, has a touch of narcissism/BPD herself. If they last, I know it's nothing more than a case of two people who have found their 'level' emotionally and are happy to play a dysfunctional dance over and over again until they die.

This is not my idea of a relationship I want. It sounds like my idea of hell and certainly not something I'm envious of.

I am now free to go and find someone who's at the same level of me emotionally. Now that I'm a lot better myself, it means I'll find someone healthier.

The thought of this is starting to fill with me with excitement. Because if I strip away the drama and my ex's rages, my relationship was wonderful. So now I can actually look forward to the prospect of a relationship without the horrible part our unhealthy dance brought to the equation.

Hopeful

[borderdude]

well NO, because I asked her to leave because I did not put up with her manipulation and exercised boundaries ,but he is in a current rs with her , what a loser... .

I got my self intact, he is messed up.

[Raspberry]

This very topic consumed me, I allowed it to take me to some very dark places.

Now, the question is, why do we tie our self worth/esteem to them? Look there, go deep, and see what you find. It was life changing for me.

I took my power back. My focus is no longer about them though at times I ask these same questions. But I now refuse to allow them to have that much power in my life. Its  choice I made.

My replacement will more then likely experience the same things we have. And so will yours.There is some level of dysfunction on both sides, let's be honest. And my replacement iis no differen. If he was, he wouldn't be in a relationship with her.

Take your power back. Focus on you instead of the replacement... .

This is a really powerful thought,  Thank you for this x

[borderdude]

I am really a little alpha, to put up with too much. Do you think that this alpha thing will make life easier? , also what you will attract in life. I know disturbed people chose very specific class of people.