Came back from Father's Day in Tears

[todayistheday]

Pretty much usual.  My nPD Dad is a very sweet man.  He's now 80 years old, almost 81.  He is totally intimidated by uBPD Mom.

I enjoyed getting to spend time with him.

I've allowed myself to be put into the position of being his referee, and his confidant.  He has nobody to talk to about Mom.  We have had enough discussions that he knows that I know how she is.  I don't know if he yet believes (after me telling him for about 7 years) that she may have BPD.   

He caught me up on life in their world. Things she's raged about the past couple weeks that were no big deal to anybody.

Difficulties because he needs a new car and she wants a new car.  1000 little facts there.

I think about my Dad and the life he has and my face gets very wet.

[Naughty Nibbler]

 Hi todayistheday:  

Here is a big hug for you

We wish we could change the disordered one (s), but we can't.  One of our parents choose the other, for some reason, although we many times wonder why.

My parents both recently passed, but my situation was reversed and my dad was the difficult one.  I honestly couldn't figure out how my mom endured it for so many years, but I guess she was able to tune my dad out.  

You should feel good about being your dad's confidant, and helping him the best way you can.  I'm sure he appreciates you!

[Kwamina]

Hi todayistheday

How are you feeling now?

It is difficult knowing that your dad is being treated this way by your mom and unfortunately also lets himself get treated this way. It is sad that he seems totally intimidated by her. Perhaps he does realize she had BPD, but after living this way for so long he might find it very hard to make a change. Perhaps he wants to change, but does not know how. Or perhaps, he simply is unwilling to change.

I know you care about your dad very much. Although these thoughts of him bring tears to your eyes, I am glad you were able to spend some time with him.

Take care

The Board Parrot

[HappyChappy]

Hi Todayistheday,

Sorry about the plight of your Dad, so sorry you have to site and watch this. I have the same dynamic. But we make our own beds, and your father made his decisions as an adult.  But on the upside it’s great you’re his confident and you have that close relationship, many don’t. He must care very deeply for you.

In truth we shouldn’t feel bad about it. But hey,  isn’t it good we have empathy, feeling move on, hoping you’re feeling better already. Have an e-hug.