NPD vs. BPD

[luckyclover]

Now i have been struggling i'm 100% sure something is wrong with my ex and that's why i found this side. The only thing i'm not totally sure about is.

What is difference between BPD and NPD can someone descripe it for me like he is descriping it for child. Why for child... .beacuse i have not english for my first language and i cant see the differens and need explanation what the differens is. Also is fine if someone can show me link or maybe youtube video something that explain it for me once for all.

Thanks... .and sorry for this.

[Ahoy]

I'll have a crack, however I'm sure some of the more academic people on these forums might be able to do a better job.

Firstly there is a LOT of overlap with these disorders because they share a lot of the same fundamental characteristics (cluster B traits)


NPD's have an inflated sense of self. They are often incapable of being wrong and lack empathy towards others. NPD's can be hurtful/vindictive if slighted. The universe truly revolves around them.

Borderlines are constantly overwhelmed by emotions that they are unable to soothe by themselves. They are impulsive, often in an effort to soothe these emotions and as a result, are unable to see some of the consequences of their actions. They also lack empathy, possibly due to not progressing past the emotional maturity of a child, possibly because they are so focused on soothing their emotional turmoil.

there is a LOT more not being covered, but you asked for simple differences. Once again, other people might be able to help, I'm not the greatest with NPD.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Lucky-

Navigating our way through all this stuff as we detach can be challenging, especially since everyone's different and someone can manifest traits of a couple of disorders, comorbid that's called; an example is many borderline's will act narcissistically on top of their BPD to compensate for it and try and retain a sense of control, which is more comfortable.

Anyway, here are the official versions of both disorders, which gives you a good idea:

Borderline personality disorder:

-Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
-A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
-Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
-Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). This does not include suicidal or self-harming behaviour.
-Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.
-Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood - intense feelings that can last from a few hours to a few days.
-Chronic feelings of emptiness.
-Inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.
-Transient, stress-related paranoid ideas or severe dissociative symptoms.

Narcissistic personality disorder:

-Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
-Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
-Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
-Requires excessive admiration
-Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
-Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
-Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
-Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
-Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

That may help, although there are words and phrases there that may not be clear to a non-native speaker.  No need to apologize, we're here to help, and as you work through your detachment, is it helpful to know which disorder fits the person in your life?  In the end it doesn't really matter, beyond the fact that you're not the only one who has experienced these behaviors and you're not alone, and it's those behaviors and how they affected us that matter in the end, and whether or not we're willing to tolerate them.

[HurtinNW]

Hello LuckyClover! 

It was really helpful for me to realize my ex has more NPD traits than BPD ones. Of the list fromheeltoheal just posted, my ex has every single NPD trait listed. He also has many of the BPD traits, minus the self-harm. For some time I thought he wasn't afraid of abandonment, since he kept abandoning me and has been alone most his life. Then I realized he is so intensely afraid of failing that he would rather be the one to instigate the loss. He has the BPD rage, but it might be narcissistic rage.

I think a lot of us want to understand our ex, and it helps to have names and labels for their actions. My therapist believes my ex is a narcissist, and it helps me to detach because he shows no indication he is willing to change.

Eventually I think many of us come to feel it doesn't matter what is wrong with our exes, we cannot be in relationship with them. It's up to them to change if they choose. But initially getting a good understanding of the disorder can be so helpful, which is why I recommend reading the articles on this board. Then we can start the road of learning about ourselves too, and why we engaged in such harmful relationships.   

[luckyclover]

Thanks.

Still i'm not sure which she is. Can she be both or some mix? I know nothing about she have try to harm herself for example but she talked about it to do it in the end of our realationship. So i think she is a mix. Narsissist with BPD. And she is total cut off also if there is some letters for that

I think it is important to know what she really have but i will never know. I am and have always be really good persone want to do everything good and thats way i feel sorry for my ex. She will maybe have family one day but probably never for long time. And maybe one day she will have kid but i feel sorry for that kid. This is just me i'm good persone. And thats way maybe my ex picked me as a lover... .beacuse i'm good and honest? Easy?

[fromheeltoheal]

Can she be both or some mix?

Yes she can, that is called comorbid, but the names do not really matter, what matters are the behaviors and how they affected us.  How are you doing now that the relationship is over Lucky?

[luckyclover]

Can she be both or some mix?

Yes she can, that is called comorbid, but the names do not really matter, what matters are the behaviors and how they affected us.  How are you doing now that the relationship is over Lucky?

Thanks for asking

Actually i feel ok it have been no contact for 10 weeks. She will never contact i know that. But few days ago i saw she unblocked me on Whatsapp that was strange specially beacuse she said she need to change phone number beacuse i was stalking her.LOL

 Yeah me you ask about me. I feel fine but i need this kick in the but... .move on. Have been talking to new girl online she is good and nice but it is almost i'm still looking for my ex. Hard to explain... .this was just so good but i'm afraid i will not feel it again. I have my family and friend but i'm still lonely somehow.

[luckyclover]

One more... .it is really hard to explain for friends and family what really happen. Thats way this page is so good. You know what really happen and underatand me
Peace!