How do you know if your BPD GF really loves you?

[True Grenadine]

Short and easy question... .im in a three year relationship with an undiagnosed BPD GF... .Assuming I'm correct in this unofficial diagnosis... .How do you know if your BPD GF is in love with you or not considering that BPDs can't really have a healthy love? And doesn't it seem absolutely fruitless to pursue a relationship with someone who can't love in a healthy manner?

Looking for advice... .

TG

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Short and easy question... .

 

im in a three year relationship with an undiagnosed BPD GF... .Assuming I'm correct in this unofficial diagnosis... .How do you know if your BPD GF is in love with you or not considering that BPDs can't really have a healthy love? And doesn't it seem absolutely fruitless to pursue a relationship with someone who can't love in a healthy manner?

Maybe this article about BPD and love (written by someone who recovered from her BPD) might help?

LnL

[Icanteven]

Does it matter if she is in love with you right now? If the heavens parted, and god/buddha/flying spaghetti monster appeared before you and said, yes, your partner loves you, what would be different from the moment before when you were unsure?  Would her behaviors be any different?  Would your relationship problems be any different? 

My wife has told me that she I am still her soulmate and that she is still in love with me and she loves me with every fiber of her being just this week.  And yet we are still estranged and beginning the process of getting divorced and she is still incredibly mentally ill and frankly her behavior the last few months we were together was despicable.

I firmly believe my wife believes that she loves me more than life.  That said, she is incapable of showing me healthy adult love in any way shape or form at the moment and has been incapable for some time.

Bottom line:  IMHO, she very well may believe you're the love of her life and be oblivious to the fact that she treats you horrifically.  I know that is/was true in my case.