She turned 18 and everything started falling apart again

[javieira]

It's been a while since I've been here, but it seems that the sh** is hitting the fan around here again!  Since my DD turned 18, she has been shutting down and falling back into the BPD hole. She was doing well for a couple of years and things were looking up for her and us. When she turned 18, she told her psychiatrist that the wanted to go off of her meds and he (foolishly) allowed her to scale back until she was weaned off of 2 of her meds competely and is now only on Lamictil.  Let me tell you, it is NOT working for her, but of course, she proclaims that she is fine and that the problem is us (as it always is when she spirals). She alternates between bullying and shunning the other 2 kids who are home from college for the summer, calls us horrible names, is avoidant and defiant, and all-around difficult to be around.  She has lost the right to drive our cars due to her disrespect and wreckless driving. She leaves for college in just over a month and honestly, I'm not sure that I can tolerate her until then.   I'm looking forward to the peace when she is gone, but I worry for her being out on her own and the relationships that she will have there. We made so much progress from age 14 to 18, but it seems to all be falling apart now.  I'm just tired, frustrated, and worried about her future. Anyone else deal with these issues when their child became an "adult"? If so, how did you deal with them?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bright Day Mom]

The thought of my daughter (16) turning 18 is one of my biggest fears, which is one of the reasons we agreed as a family RTC this age will provide us with the best chance of success.

Have you been able to learn a lot of the lessons / tools here during this BPD battle? If so, then try having a concerning conversation with her. Let her know you are concerned for her in taking the next step to college, which is a huge transition for everyone.  She deserves to live a peaceful / joyful life. Perhaps she will realize she isn't as "stable"  as she was previously and seek help thru her psychiatrist, maybe adding lower dose of mood stabilizer or previous med back in and counseling PRIOR to going off to college to start building a stronger foundation. I would worry how the stress of college will affect her.  Does she have the coping skills to get thru successfully?

I'm sorry I don't have any magic answer. 

[javieira]

DD , who is also bipolar, has refused therapy for the last 3 years because, in her eyes, everyone else is the problem, not her.  Her therapist, who was WONDERFUL with DBT, even told us that there was no reason for her to continue therapy if she was unwilling to do the work and was only going to tell the therapist what she wanted to hear (in other words "lies".  We offered to find her another therapist, but she refused to go.  Since she is 18, her psychiatrist cannot discuss DD's case with me and DD tells him that everything is working out just fine because she has decided, for some reason, that she no longer wants to be on meds. I've looked through many of the lessons and tools on this site and have tried to execute them over the years , but she is totally disregulated right now and not much seems to work very effectively. It's the old "walking on eggshells" routine because you never know if you are going to get the DD who blames and rages or the DD who acts as though everything is just dandy.

I too worry about the stress of college (which is 6 hours away) and I worry for her roommate who is walking into a hornets' nest.  For the first few months, DD will be her BFF and will think that she hangs the sun, moon, and stars. When the shine wears off though, I worry that her poor roommate will bear the brunt of the BPD rage.

[Bright Day Mom]

I guess since you are blocked from communicating w/dr and she is unwilling to continue counseling, your hands are tied. 

One thing you can do is take care of YOU!  We all know too well how stressful it is walking on eggshells it takes a tremendous toll on the entire family!  Are you currently seeking counseling?  I know for us our family sessions help tremendously and we have a rule, what happens in session stays in session!  Therefore it is water under the bridge and behind us. 

I've recently gotten back to running in the mornings and this helps me focus, decompress and get ready for the new day.

Lots of luck and let us know how the college transition goes as it can be very challenging.

[Gorges]

I agree, take care of you and be thankful that she is going to college 6 hours away.  SHe may surprise you and don't worry about the roommate.  They have resident advisors for that.