Feeling validated by therapist

[Mr Orange]

While emphasized by the therapist that this was not an official diagnosis by any means, she did say she felt my wife likely has BPD with some possible NPD overlap. This doesn't really change much in my approach, as I had already made the decision that I am going to get better either way, and that I would not reconcile with my wife (separated 5 months now) unless I saw real desire to change. However, it does make me feel like I wasn't losing my mind thinking some stuff was seriously out of whack with her. There is some comfort in that. No contact since June 16th, but I'm slowly getting better and moving forward with my life.

[bunny4523]

Mr Orange,

I know what you are talking about.  I chose to leave my ex because I didn't like the way he was treating me.  I found out about a week after that he has BPD traits from a therapist we had both been seeing but I went to by myself after the split.  It was such a relief.  I think because I felt I had been trying so hard to handle the situations the right way, calm, validating... .and his demands just got worse and he got meaner.

Once I was aware of his disorder, it just freed me, it was like, "no wonder I wasn't making any headway"  I'm usually so good at validating and identifying peoples hurt and working through issues.

I'm glad your moving forward with your life... .you will be your best out of this turmoil.  I can't imagine anyone wanting to be in that type of relationship, it is just so hard on the hear and soul. 

I'm glad you got some validation... .most therapists will give a general diagnosis "personality disorder"  blank has traits of... .cause the disorders are so comingled and sometimes have similar symptoms too.

Best of luck to you!
Bunny

[NewTring]

Mr Orange,

It was like the light lit up when my therapist said my may have BPD.  I was baffled why she was like that and I kept trying to calm her tantrums down.  I felt validated it wasn't my fault, for that most part, like 80% was not me.  I felt free of blame.

Keep it no contact.  I'm 2-3 months into new contact and I'm taking back my life.  I'm talking to someone new and it feels good to move on.

Good luck!

[Mutt]

Hi Mr Orange,

I'm happy to hear that you're feeling a little better. I recall feeling like I was losing my mind around the end of my r/s because nothing made sense and I couldn't turn to my family and friends because they didn't understand. I felt isolated, alone and no one understood. What I find validating is talking to others like you on these boards, I also recall my first post and thought "Finally someone gets what I'm trying to say!" I find solace that I'm not the only one.

[Mr Orange]

Thanks guys. Yep, it really was just the feeling of relief; the "Wow, I wasn't crazy after all" moment. With all the gaslighting and crazymaking that comes with a relationship with pwBPD, you can start to question your instincts. I was talking to a close friend of mine who I had not seen in 3 years. I explained to him everything that has happened. He actually pursued counseling as a career for a while before switching trajectories, so he knows more than the average person about mental illness. After explaining the situation he said, "Are you familiar with borderline personality disorder?" That he arrived at this conclusion on his own seems further evidence that this is legit. Now 45 days no contact, and not looking back!

[fromheeltoheal]

Yep, it really was just the feeling of relief; the "Wow, I wasn't crazy after all" moment. With all the gaslighting and crazymaking that comes with a relationship with pwBPD, you can start to question your instincts.

Yes, we can definitely start to doubt ourselves, even doubt our sanity, when we're emotionally enmeshed with someone with a mental illness.  What we need coming out of these relationships are compassion, empathy and validation, so we can get our feet on the ground and start to self-validate again.  Getting validation, and probably compassion and empathy too, from a mental health professional goes a long way to giving us what we need as we grieve and heal Mr. Orange, good for you for going to therapy, and enjoy the heck out of that!

[chillamom]

I can relate to receiving some recent validation from my therapist, who before she said this confided in me that what she was about to say might be construed as a bit unprofessional... .she looked me straight in the eye and told me that my ex was a "narcissistic a***ole".  It was pretty much what I needed to hear at that point... .although I'm still struggling!

[Pine Knoll]

Mr Orange -

I recently had a very similar experience with our marriage therapist. I had come to the conclusion/realization that my wife was suffering from BPD and that she seemed have all of the symptoms. I called our therapist outside of our session; I had texted her and told her I had something to share and I did not know how, but that I thought she should know what I thought as we moved forward.

I told her I knew there was only so much she could say to me as an individual, but I told her that I what I thought ... .And I told. Didn't think I have ever been more sure of anything in my life... .at first she validated me by saying that "others would probably think that was I was saying was accurate" ... .Later in the brief conversation, I start to say ... ."But if I am wrong ... ."; she interrupted me and said ... ."But you said you have never been more sure of anything in your life ... .". ... .That was one of the most important things anyone has ever said to me ... in my life. I will forever be in debt to her for those words.

Btw - my wife has cancelled our sessions with this therapist ... .My wife is convinced that this woman does not like her and is a terrible therapist ... .Could not have seen that coming ... .

Peace, Green River

[Cynthia]

Several medical personal  / therapists have seen & spoken to my ex. I have no doubt about his condition. However, a counselor  he was seeing who has never met me gave her opinion that I (based on what he has told her) am a narcassist  but he should not confront me because it will anger me.    people,even professionals really need to be careful what they say. She is just encouraging him all the way.
It just goes to show how these people tell their lies and are beleived even by those that should know better.

[pdc62]

Mr. Orange, thanks for sharing... .I changed therapist after being discarded for the 10th time in my 5 years. I had no clue about the BPD disorder until my new therapist brought it to my attention. My exBPD has her degree in psychology and I didn't put any of this together until she brought it to my attention. I googled it and couldn't believe my eyes! My exBPD would show up at church and would sit in front of me and acted like I didn't exist... .I thought the behavior was mind boggling however she is living in some other world when she does that. She blocked me on LinkedIn and 2 weeks ago she unblocked me and a week later I clicked on her profile and hours later I was blocked again. Isent a text asking her to explain why she was doing this and her response was ":)o not contact via text or email or LinkedIn" and this will be recorded. It's obvious that she was starting to try to pull me back until I questioned her and then the fangs reappeared. My therapist and this site has helped me finally understand how people with BPD can turn your life upside dow!