How dealing with a pwBPD affects your health

[burton2070]

I posted last week about meeting my ex for dinner after 2 months of NC. I just wanted to share an observation about my health. Within the first few DAYS of initially going NC, my eczema cleared up, my digestive problems went away and my skin started showing improvement. In retrospect, I have felt better physically (even while grieving emotionally) than I have in a LONG time this past several weeks. After meeting her one time, the eczema came back, I've had terrible heartburn for a few days, I'm having nightmares and my face is broken out. I'm not worried though because I am firm in my resolve to not break NC again, so I know I'll be back to feeling well physically soon... .

I just thought it might be something to think about when you guys are feeling down emotionally. The toll that stress takes on your body is incredible. And trying to maintain a toxic relationship is incredibly stressful. Self care is so important, and maintaining NC is part of that... .

[Hopefulgirl]

With me it was the aftermath of being discarded by the pwBpd. I remember finally going to the doctor and they did tests and he told me that I had screwed up my adrenal gland with the stress. Stomach pains that wouldn't go away, gained weight despite exercising and not being able to eat much. Had to take lots of stuff to help my cortisol levels, I had been really healthy before.

I got so sick of being sick and tired and achy, a large part of my motivation to make peace with my situation was because my body couldn't take it anymore.

[heartandwhole]

Hi burton2070,

I can relate to your physical symptoms. I, too, had skin problems, lost weight, and had trouble sleeping toward the end of my relationship. Thankfully, these things cleared up rather quickly after the breakup. But then I started to have back pain, which I believe was a delayed (muscular) reaction to the shock and grief (I lost my father just before  the breakup). That has improved a lot as well with bodywork, therapy, meditative activities, etc.

How are you feeling emotionally, burton2070?

heartandwhole

[Hopeful83]

  burton2070,

Sorry to hear about your experiences. These relationships and break-ups can certainly take their toll on us.

For me, the break-up brought on an onslaught of symptoms that make me think I may have had a bit of PTSD. I had anxiety/was on high alert for more than six months afterwards (I hate to think what this alone did to my body). I came out in a rash on my face (of all places). I was highly jumpy when out and about (never had that before in my life!) - I remember walking around and jumping if anyone came too close to me, it was awful. My sleep was totally messed up for a very long time (insomnia or sometimes sleeping too much). I had panic attacks. I felt like there was a weight on my chest at times to the point where I couldn't breathe. And now, a year on, I have body aches. I don't have any proof this is related to the break-up, but given what my body went through over the last 12 months it wouldn't surprise me.

Like heartandwhole, this all improved thanks to therapy, meditation and, in my case, yoga.

While on the subject of yoga, I found that child's pose was very effective in alleviating anxiety.

You're not alone, burton2070. And you're right - self-care is the way forward. It's what saved me.

Hopeful

[heartandwhole]

And now, a year on, I have body aches. I don't have any proof this is related to the break-up, but given what my body went through over the last 12 months it wouldn't surprise me.

Hi Hopeful83,

I just want to mention that yoga has played a very important part in my recovery, too. After doing some research, I'm convinced that the delayed back pain I mentioned correlates to weak/tense psoas muscle. I started reading about it, and found out that it is often called the "fight/flight muscle" where we can "hold heartbreak" as well as trauma (it contracts to prepare us to react to threatening situations). When I read that, I felt like 20 bells went off in my head as I made the connection to what I had been through about 6 months earlier... .

heartandwhole

[married21years]

WOW where do i start

40 Years of abuse has caused the following (50% ex 50% child abuse)

Weight issues
hyper-vigilance
enlarged heart
hypertension
Co Dependency
CPTSD
acne
insomnia
anger management issues

add to that Dyslexia not their fault i think

and i have survived it all and succeeded against the odds

i am a huge success, and mentally strong enough to deal with explore and conquer my issues

she lost the best thing in her life and that will haunt her to her dying days if she was strong enough to tell her self the truth

instead she lives in a fantasy where she is the victim, as life is easier that way!

[hurting300]

Someone mentioned "being on high alert". Does that mean you were always scared they would run into at a store? Because two years later I still have feelings that she is "just around the corner". I still have awful feelings but they are FINALLY clearing up. It's odd going into a store and having a gut feeling she is there.

[married21years]

  hurting300

look up hyper vigilance  

[hurting300]

Thanks I will read up on it.

[Hopeful83]

After doing some research, I'm convinced that the delayed back pain I mentioned correlates to weak/tense psoas muscle. I started reading about it, and found out that it is often called the "fight/flight muscle" where we can "hold heartbreak" as well as trauma (it contracts to prepare us to react to threatening situations). When I read that, I felt like 20 bells went off in my head as I made the connection to what I had been through about 6 months earlier... .

Heartandwhole,

Hello fellow yoga lover

Thanks for sharing this. The psoas is near the hips, too, right? I'm wondering if this may also be at the root of the pain I've been experiencing, as much of it emanates from there. It runs all the way down my legs, too, though. I do believe our bodies hold trauma, so it really wouldn't surprise me if it's all linked.

I've just started the book The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma (cannot remember who recommended it to me, but it was definitely someone on here), and it's so fascinating. Looking forward to reading further and finding out more.

Hopeful

[heartandwhole]

The psoas is near the hips, too, right?

Yes, it's a deep muscle group that stabilizes the trunk, runs through the pelvic bone. I think it's astounding sometimes how intricately the mind and body are in sync.

Attended a training seminar with Bessel van der Kolk and admire his work very much. 

heart