He is coming here

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

He loves me but it cannot work.

Oh God, help me. I am so upset. My heart is racing
What should I do?

[UnforgivenII]

He loves me but it cannot work.

Oh God, help me. I am so upset. My heart is racing
What should I do?

[Narkiss]

Hi Unforgiven: What's going on?

Narkiss

[married21years]

What should I do?  

dont be in go out  

[Narkiss]

Hi Unforgiven

I read some of your posts and I'm sorry you're in such emotional turmoil. It's incredibly painful to love someone so unstable. One day mine would love me more than life itself then three days later not be sure what he saw in me. I have my own anxiety about abandonment and practically became unhinged by that. Right now the only thing that is keeping me away is knowing that however painful this is, that is actually worse. Mine ended somewhat similarly--I expressed a human need, which in a normal healthy relationship wouldn't be a problem. Mine has a wife whom he said he was separated from (not as much as he said). He moved in back with her because of financial issues. I was upset about this and asked him to reassure me and he got mad and found a reason why this won't work and I haven't heard from him since.

By the way, it's common that they have sex issues (mine also can't "finish".

This isn't you. It's him.

I told a friend who's a psychologist the same thing. I love him but it can't work. She said that was the wrong question. She asked if I want this relationship (not what it can be but what it is).

[UnforgivenII]

Thank you Narkiss. I feel like... .dead. A fog inside me. A fog of pain.
Thank you for your kind words

[Leonis]

By the way, it's common that they have sex issues (mine also can't "finish".

Well, that makes a lot of sense. I thought it was because we were both newbies at physical relationships as neither of us had one before... .but it was kinda silly to the point that the session could go into 2+ hours and she can't get off. Gosh... .at least I feel like an iron man in bed.

[Narkiss]

It could just be her. Some women can't. But neither me nor my ex was new to this. He was incredibly sexual. BUT never was able to finish inside me. And it could go on for hours. At first, he was able to do it himself when he was in bed with me (had no trouble apparently when he was alone -- and I was a big part of his fantasy life), but then wasn't able to do even that. He was very controlling -- over himself and others -- and I think couldn't release that control. Also, someone said that the closer they feel to you the more problems they have. I could be just flattering myself but that seemed to be right -- the  closer we got, the more problems.

Sorry to be so explicit.

[Narkiss]

And, the longer the relationship went on, the more hurt I got and the less I trusted him (with very good reason). I had my guard up and was unable to relax fully around him -- even though I pretended to.