Got an email says she's going to seek treatment. I don't believe her.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've been keeping limited contact with my exbdgf (we work together ) A few weeks back she had told me that her best friend had suggested she seek help as there is a pattern of stormy relationships and she is the common denominator.  I had also told her once after an argument that she can't be that unlucky that ALL her exes are jerks, and she has no fault.

I couldn't resist opening the email.  She seemed sincere through out it. She mentions that this is the third time she is seeking help. Said the first two times the therapists just made her talk and did nothing for her?

She looked into seeing a prominent psychiatrist specializing in bipolar disorder. I don't know if she self diagnosed or that's what her previous Therapist diagnosed her with?

It's my understanding that the difference between bupolar disorder and BPD is in the period of time that the person is disregulating. 

In any event I don't believe she will go through with it.  She is high functioning and becoming more narcissistic . She is also enabled has daddy is always in the back round ready to bail her out of trouble.

Part of me wants to write her back giving her examples of why she has BPD. Wouldn't be to difficult has she meets 8 of the 9 criteria. Then I think why do I want to get involved again? I should just wish her the best and work on my own issues.

[Rayban]

I've been keeping limited contact with my exbdgf (we work together ) A few weeks back she had told me that her best friend had suggested she seek help as there is a pattern of stormy relationships and she is the common denominator.  I had also told her once after an argument that she can't be that unlucky that ALL her exes are jerks, and she has no fault.

I couldn't resist opening the email.  She seemed sincere through out it. She mentions that this is the third time she is seeking help. Said the first two times the therapists just made her talk and did nothing for her?

She looked into seeing a prominent psychiatrist specializing in bipolar disorder. I don't know if she self diagnosed or that's what her previous Therapist diagnosed her with?

It's my understanding that the difference between bupolar disorder and BPD is in the period of time that the person is disregulating. 

In any event I don't believe she will go through with it.  She is high functioning and becoming more narcissistic . She is also enabled has daddy is always in the back round ready to bail her out of trouble.

Part of me wants to write her back giving her examples of why she has BPD. Wouldn't be to difficult has she meets 8 of the 9 criteria. Then I think why do I want to get involved again? I should just wish her the best and work on my own issues.

[gotbushels]

8 of 9 seems like a lot of criteria Rayban. I mean this next thing in a non-accusing way, not directing judgment at her at all--just a plain question. Another way you can look at getting involved again is: even if she's telling the truth, do you really want to get back together with her, or someone like her?

[VitaminC]

Hi Rayban,

Looking over your past few posts, I think you give yourself the answer. You are NC for a reason, as you said yourself "remember why you went NC".

If you have a desire to reply, definitely consider what is in that.
Do you want to lend a helping hand? Why?
Do you expect any specific reaction or result?
What would be the effect on you if there was a reaction in the form of more communication?  

[Rayban]

I can't be with her.  I know that.  It just makes me unhappy.  I think its just another ploy to re-engage me. I've fallen for every attempt she's ever made.

I wish I had just deleted her email without even reading it. It's all I think about and have already re-read it 100 times. 

It's the bipolar part that has me baffled.  It shouldn't make a difference in the end.  I just want to know where that came from.

[stillfading]

My ex gf is supposedly inpatient as we speak for her BPD and severe alcohol use (drinking hand sanitizer... .really?). However, all of us involved including her family believe it's more about her having a place to live because of where she went rather than utilizing treatment where she was. That fear of abandonment is paramount for them to extinguish I would question what's connected to her seeking treatment? Mine was begging me to live with me and go through treatment. When I told her okay, but as friends in the guest room she went into BPD rage. Now she's doing just that same thing with an ex bf 

[married21years]

mine sought treatment, after the first session came back and said

i don't have BPD, i pointed out a Councillor cant make that decision and not after 1 hour

i forced her to do rape counselling, rape counselling is ten 1 hour sessions, one a week.

i know i have done it!

after three weeks, she says all fixed. i said its a 10 hour course.

oh we did multiple a week and double sessions.

eventually she admitted she did 3 sessions with a Councillor i paid for. not a rape counselling course, from rape crisis services.

then i began to question the rape, her story didn't hold up to scrutiny. it was a lie.

i spent a year in couples therapy dealing with supporting her with an imaginary rape, because i was co dependent and new the real pain of this  

so if i seem a little angry i think i am entitled to be!

this lead me to asking more questions.

[asphyx]

Unless she is undergoing Interpersonal Therapy (IPT) or Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), then she is just wasting her time. It takes years of therapy before they get significantly better. I wouldn't hold my breath... .

And that's assuming she actually is seeing a therapist, because the most likely scenario is she is lying about it to keep you interested (she probably remembers you telling her she has a disorder, so she figures if she acts like she is doing something about it then you will talk to her).

[VitaminC]

I can't be with her.  I know that.  It just makes me unhappy.  I think its just another ploy to re-engage me. I've fallen for every attempt she's ever made.

You know this.
 

I wish I had just deleted her email without even reading it. It's all I think about and have already re-read it 100 times. 

I can relate.

Can I suggest an email filter that automatically puts her emails in the trash? I blocked my pwBPD just in case, because I was not sure I would have the strength to resist a peek at a message, if one came.  I decided I was done, and that I would protect myself and give myself a rest until I felt stronger.  

It's the bipolar part that has me baffled.  It shouldn't make a difference in the end.  I just want to know where that came from.

It may be a misdiagnosis by the therapist, a deliberate obfuscation, or even a typo. I can tell you that, previously when I finished it with my pwBPD (and never stayed away for longer than a month) I would see possibility in similar "offerings" by him. A message that talked about how messed up he was, or how he was going to do x, y, or z. I would wring my hands for a day or two and then couldn't help myself but reengage to correct some misapprehension I believed he had, or to provide a little more perspective, or give a bit of comfort, whatever.  Each time, what I believed to be a genuine turning of a new leaf, was a short-lived, possibly genuine, but definitely short-lived intention to actually do something constructive. And even if it hadn't been short-lived, it wouldn't have been something I could any longer bear to be a part of in any capacity. Once I realised that, it was a lot easier.

Now I think his welfare is none of my business. He's another grown up who will stumble through with whatever tools he has at his disposal. The endless conversations with me did not help either of us.

[once removed]

you need not get involved.

what about a polite BIFF (brief informative friendly firm) email that says "good news, great step, best of luck".

[heartandwhole]

Then I think why do I want to get involved again? I should just wish her the best and work on my own issues.

Very wise words, Rayban. You've gotten good advice to back up what you already know.

Getting a message like that is hard. Since your heart is still recovering, try to listen more to your head in this situation. 

heartandwhole