Am I the abuser? New text message

[lovenature]

Thanks L, I am doing better today, yesterday when I posted this I was really struggling with depression and ruminating thoughts from the past. I learned from a good book written by David Burns called Feeling Good that when we are depressed we magnify and constantly think of the negative and minimize the positive; can be so bad that we cognitively distort reality, once depression has lifted we see how distorted our view of things really was.

I find mornings are the worst for me too, struggle through most days (although the further out I get with NC the less constant the negative is), then try and have some relief at night.

We need to keep going.

[GoingBack2OC]

I think one tactic my ex used a lot... .was a single word:

Accused.

To me, accused, the word itself, EITHER implies doubt by the accuser, perhaps there is evidence to believe but not proof, or, it implies that the perpetrator has kept it secret but you know it as a fact and have proof.

If my ex for instance, lied to me, cheated on me, and I knew, and she knew I knew, and I then confided in a friend about what happened she would phrase it:

"You were accusing me of these terrible things".

This statement in and of itself implies "I am accused but innocent". (Even though what you told them we both know is true and have admitted to each other as true). You should "apologize to me now".

I'd reply simply. "I didn't accuse you babe. I told them what happened. I gave them just the facts".

Boom. Change Subject.