Do pwBPD not get concepts of money management?

[Herodias]

I am very frustrated because I have such a hard time wondering if he knows more than he lets on or if he is playing me. He is a complete liar and manipulator, so my first thought is yes... .he is completely trying to play dumb and put things off on me that I am the mean person and he is doing his best. But then I think about the whole toddler thing and after years of trying to help him do things, he is still trying to get me to do that... .and feel sorry for him.  I broke no contact with him and we spent the last couple days arguing via e-mail basically as to resolving financial issues. He goes round and round acting like he is trying his best to do what I ask, but thinks I am the impossible one. Of course I also know, this is what they do! Anyone else have that problem? What do you think? Do they really know how to do things and just pretending they don't or do they simply not understand basic things and need help figuring them out? I feel like the idiot sometimes because my sister thinks he is just playing me, but she also thinks he is dumb,  Frustrating! Maybe he just wanted narcissistic supply of arguing with me, who knows... .I am not sure if I am getting him to understand what he is doing... ."cutting off his nose to spite his face"... .or not. Do pwBPD live in an undeveloped sense of basic rules of life? Mine doesn't seem to get the concepts of managing money and how bank accounts work... .or simply doesn't want to. I don't really know. He was never good at it, but always made sure he paid his parents back when he owed them money. He defiantly lacked responsibility as to handling money and spent allot on alcohol or whatever he wanted to spend it on... .leaving me to struggle to fix things all the time. Especially credit. I had his in great shape, but now he has really bad credit again like when I met him. I told him I am still trying to help him whether he believes it or not, but he is not showing the same courtesy. By the end of the conversation he was mad at me and pushing me away again. He  now has an idea of how he is going to handle things, that we already found out we could not do in the begining of all of this and why it is being done this way in the first place! He is listening to his attorney, who doesn't understand why we are doing things this way in the first place... .round and round we go... .

[Lilyroze]

  Blue,

   NO... .NO... .NO... .most do not. Sorry shouldn't answer right now... .just so ugh angry. Realized I got back a health test result from years of suppressing, being Donna Reid, and romper room style for the sbxBPD in my life. I am fine healing, and well dealing with it. I just mean we can't take on their responsibility, do for them to that extent, be blamed, keep it all in, as it does affect us. I will be fine, and so will you but geez this is enough for both. I could write a book.

No, most don't get the concept of money management at all. Remember the car just got him ( reminder for those not following my posts 5 cars this year). Just got him new used last week, he is in driveway where he lives, not here thank goodness. Taking that and other car apart to quote fix the clutch. You can't make this up.

Yes, when bought knew would need one eventually. He is doing now, instead of waiting to buy part will probably have two huge Jolly Green Giant paper weights and not a car for work. He is taking the one car I listed to sell apart to get part out for new one, yes I am serious. I am beside myself.

 Or worse not sure what damage he will do... .I  never put down someone who is trying, and tried to give credit where credit is due for him fixing, the few times he tried. But alas son pointed out every-time he does it ruins an engine, transmission, oil pump etc.

We are at the end to get this all over with, now painted white last week as got car ( read my other for anyone no not to enable or be co to be done). Now he is probably going to need more tools, parts, whatever to just blow money.

I am so done. I really can't take anymore, have had a silent scream, tears inside. I will not deal with this anymore.

They play dumb, spend money on worthless things, don't know how to save or invest, most know nothing of equity or concept of debt free.

I will be so much further ahead health wise, physical wise and investment wise when this is done.  I wish no bad for him, how he handles things from then on is on him.

 Even told him you are going to end up with a pink scooter and purple helmet from a garage sale if you wreck this car, I don't know what else to do.

Crying, angry and going off for tea and just peace.

Hugs and love to you sweet one. You can get through this and yes as many times as I have had to walk through, do the bills be the responsible one, many said he plays dumb. Thought sick, my job, then well busy with work, well we always had me do, well divorcing etc. No he just wants to pass off on me to be responsible one, blow things, complain later. Lather, rinse, repeat. Sorry for rant. Just wanted you to know you are supported, I understand, and am there for you.

ETA: Dear God,

It is me someone I signed up for the take care of a BPD or bipolar/BPD program. I have done all courses, got them through. Love my children given through this. They are beautiful, so special and well a blessing. I have remained debt free through it all and tried to be grateful.

I am now just checking in to make sure I am signed up now for the loyalty program ( no not the one at Sears, no not the one at the oil shop... .can I have the angel in charge of love loyalty). Yes that one. Just checking in now going forward show me a sign... .If ever again want a loyal, dependable, no harems, believes in you, and money management.

Love,
()

Stand strong and be healthy. Hope you find peace.

Blessings,

LR

[JerryRG]

Hello Blue 

My son's mother offered to give me some of his child support back because right now I'm paying for everything and all the extras and taking care of him full time. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard this from her I wouldn't be asking her for ... .oh whatever.

My point, she will burn his cs up by next week and I will just have fond memories of her offer but no money.

She's a child in oh so many ways... .

[pjstock42]

My BPD ex is in her 30's and still financially dependent on her mother. She is intelligent but she can't commit to anything so she's on her 3rd different career path now and has a binder full of degrees but also enormous debt tied to all of them. She continues to take money from her mother & says that she will pay her back some day but I think both her and her mom knows that this won't happen. I can't speak down to those with student debt because I have quite a bit myself but the thing is, it stopped accruing after I got my Masters and started working whereas she's just continually piling on more debt on every day.

In terms of other financial things, she is incredibly irresponsible. She has taken me for around $3k in the last month due to our living situation and doesn't believe that she's doing anything wrong. She had me move in with her to a huge & expensive 2br apartment that was right down the street from her new job. We both signed the lease and split the rent but then 2 months in she decided to discard me and moved out while I was at work with no notice. She doesn't see any reason why she should have to pay her half of the rent so now I am in a huge empty place and paying a ton of money to live here because my name is on the lease. On top of that, I gave her cash for my half of the security deposit and she wrote the check to the landlord so she will be getting the entirety of it back and not giving me anything. As if the emotional pain from all of this wasn't enough, I'm now paying a huge financial penalty as well and it's no fun.

Herodias,

In your case, I would just go full on NC and avoid any kind of financial ties to this person since they have proven to not be responsible. I know that may be easier said than done but either way, I hope things work out for you and that this doesn't cause you too much stress.

[stimpy]

Yes, I totally get where you're coming from.

Met mine when she was 50 years old and she had NOTHING to her name apart from a beat up old car.

She has been married (or so she claims), lived with other guys for longish relationships (or so she claims), worked all her life (or so she claims), and ended up with nothing and is living in state subsidised housing - which she admits she got by playing the system.

How can someone of 50 years old have nothing?

Something doesn't  add up.

[VitaminC]

Volatile emotions, impulsivity, poor executive control, and high validation needs (all symptoms of a BPD) could contribute to a lack of being in control of one's finances as these are another part of life in which we need to exercise control of our emotions and our actions and, often, defer reward.

It's worth keeping in mind that plenty of people that do not have a mental illness are unable to or just do not, for a large variety of reasons, "get it together" enough to acquire posessions or have financially stability. 

Having said that, it could be a red flag to look out for; that someone is reliant on another to finance a lifestyle that they want. If the person does not appear to be responsible in this area of their life, it may be the case that they are not responsible for other areas of their life either.

This may be due to a disorder such as BPD, or another mental illness, or something else entirely.