Dear LilMe,
So many emotions will come up, let them wash over you and go back to it. You must this is your ticket to freedom. No guilt for him right now, he can choose to get help for himself later, accept your forgiveness you will eventually give not for him for you.
This is the time LilMe, the time for you to heal, be free and accept what was done to you. It is time now to look within and see how you got there, accepted it. It is time for you to have self compassion, self love and self respect doing these papers are for you. Not him, so take him out of the equation.
A stress-process framework is used to explain the seemingly paradoxical finding that some women just out of the abusive relationship may have greater psychological difficulties than those who are still in it. That is what you are experiencing right now so see if there is counseling available for you maybe, unless you have some already. Either way turn to friends, family and whomever but get those papers done. You have no choice, they are your lifeline now. Once court orders are in effect they rarely get changed, and cost a fortune to. For those experiencing the most stress, psychological health can worsen over time. "Researchers and practitioners need to pay more attention to the plight of women who have left abusive partners." So in this if you get depressed seek help to get you through.
I am so glad you have a strong network of family and friends.
Here is a post I did for someone else please look to see where you are at in the process. It is very different then just leaving a relationship process. I have worked in the court system with CASA, DV and the DV underground at one point ( I wonder if taking to your lawyer you might be helped by that per chance when all over). That is there for those in really bad cases and work with the law as well. If by chance you ever need there are many programs available.
Here is the post:
Battered woman's syndrome is an extremely detrimental psychological condition that effects women who are subjected to repeated abuse and violence. This syndrome helps to explain why women stay in abusive relationships and do not seek assistance for their harmful situation. There a various stages that an individual who is suffering from this condition will experience.
First stage of battered women's syndrome is denial. Denial occurs when a victim of abuse is unable to admit and acknowledge that they are being subjected to domestic violence. During this stage, a victim of intimate partner abuse will not only avoid admitting the abuse to their friends and their family members, but they themselves will not acknowledge the brutality that they are suffering from. They will fail to recognize that there are any problems between themselves and their partner. There are multiple factors that may contribute to a victim's unwavering denial. Which you are now addressing.
It does feel good to give the little voice a name, or listen to it. Are you listening to it more now?
Denial is not a fun place to be kind of like quicksand and the giraffe.
Though next stage is guilt, which I can tell you are feeling. Seems like you have done a lot to hold your family and children together. I commend you with the jobs, the children all you are doing. You are stronger and wiser then you realize.
The next stage is enlightenment. If I might ask do you think you might be in that stage by any chance?
One of the most important phases of the battered women's syndrome is enlightenment. This occurs when a victim of abuse recognizes that they are not to blame for the abuse that they are experiencing. They will begin to understand that no one deserves to be subjected to domestic violence no matter what characteristics they posses. The fact that an offender does not approve of their victim's behavior does not justify subjecting the victim to abuse and violence.
Last stage is responsibility. Which seems like the little voice and you are mulling over. Where you are at, what you are feeling, how you got there, what you might have ignored. Now maybe what you want to do about it.
It is essential that individuals who have decided to escape their detrimental situation ensure that they are safe and secure. Women are in the most danger when they make the decision to flee their current environment. So maybe the voice and you have been examining things seeing how you can make better. Which you have with your jobs, being the stable on for the kids. IF by chance you decide you want a change is there more counseling you all can do? An exit plan if you so choose someday? Do you have family and friends or support near by?
Either way thanks for letting me stop in on your thread give you and support. See some wise posts, and if I might suggest one thing. Give yourself some self love, self compassion while you are giving all to others. Don't ignore the voice inside, it loves you and is warning you, wanting you to be safe. However that is. Facing it, no denial, moving forward, counseling, he being responsible or if you have to leave there is places you are loved and you didn't fail. I have helped others cross the bridge. Let me know if you need resources.
I support you and am proud you got out, are fighting, there for your kids and still standing. You are a wise good woman. Remember that, and when in court and want to cry look up it helps stop tears and look them all in the eye, and ask and demand help for you and kids.
ETA: many women in your situation listen to this song, very important will make you cry but listen as many times as you need. Silently say goodbye and do the papers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohXI3po8hK0 LR
