Sociopathic Traits

[boatman]

I work with my exBPDgf. Today, someone got hurt because of a bad mistake someone she supervises made. This wasn't a cut on the finger, this was a profound injury. The person under her felt horrible, while my ex had to be told she should do something about it. She just didn't care. She was laughing and joking around while her subordinate was in tears. She displayed a complete lack of conscience, thank God we never had kids together. I wouldn't be able to trust her to provide basic care for them. It was by far the most wretched display I have ever seen and she is without a doubt, the most despicable human being I have ever known.

[JerryRG]

Hello boatman

I am sorry you witnessed this, seeing people act this way truly is upsetting. I've seen these behaviours in my exgf and have heard stories about her from before I was with her.

From my experience, my exgf has no empathy for anyone, she goes through the motions and pretends to have real feelings like the average person does have.

My exgf is in this life for one thing, her pleasure, her wants, her will, simply put, she only cares about herself.

Everything else is just an act for more attention.

She puts pictures on social media with our son and every single time she never mentions him or his accomplishments, it's always, "what a good mother I am" or "how much he loves her"

I'm totally convinced my exgf is a horrible person, anyone who knows her believes she is a cunning manipulator only interested in her well-being.

Uses people and lies to gain sympathy and is not interested in playing life by the rules.

Both frightening and sickening

[boatman]

Hi Jerry,

Thank you for responding. I'm sorry you've had to endure this kind of behavior as well.   

I'm realizing how much I tried to convince myself my ex is a decent person, and the extent to which I ignored my conscience about her horrid behavior. I have never seen her do anything this bad before, and you're right, it demonstrates a complete lack of empathy and connection to humanity. I'm convinced now that her only connection to me was self serving and that I, as a person, meant nothing to her.

Seeing as I work with her and have to deal with her, albeit on a limited basis, I need to learn how to deal with her and her wretched behavior. Any suggestions?

Thanks!

[Fr4nz]

Hi Jerry,

Thank you for responding. I'm sorry you've had to endure this kind of behavior as well.  

I'm realizing how much I tried to convince myself my ex is a decent person, and the extent to which I ignored my conscience about her horrid behavior. I have never seen her do anything this bad before, and you're right, it demonstrates a complete lack of empathy and connection to humanity. I'm convinced now that her only connection to me was self serving and that I, as a person, meant nothing to her.

Seeing as I work with her and have to deal with her, albeit on a limited basis, I need to learn how to deal with her and her wretched behavior. Any suggestions?

Thanks!

I think that the best course of action is to behave like a "grey rock", if your goal is detachment but you can't avoid seeing her.
 
This basically implies that you should keep NC or, whenever impossible, manage any interaction you have with her as if it's just "business"; in other words, this means that you should be boring and not react, positively or negatively, to the attempts she may make to have an interaction with you.

So, in the end you will be like a boring, gray rock, and she will lose any interest to talk/interact with you

[JerryRG]

I totally agree with Fr4nz

When dealing with my exgf the first thing I do is turn off my emotions and basically become a robot, think Spock on Star Trek? The times I do engage her out of emotion it never goes well. And I regret it, nothing I say or do matters, she's closed to all my suggestions just as she's always been.

I hope she gets well for our sons sake but as far as she's concerned I cannot afford to care anymore.

Grey rock is perfect, and it does work, last year I slowly started to withdraw my attention for my exgf, not just because I thought it was the right thing to do, no it was out of pure desperation for my survival.

Then coming in this forum and viewing other information on the Internet I knew I had to go lc, I changed my number and took care of our son and worked on myself.

She found another guy, she's not picky and guess what? Feel in love in a week and the rest is just typical BPD behaviour.

Take care of ourselves because they don't care about us and as your ex demonstrated all too clearly, they have a very sick twisted soul. I have often told my exgf she will never destroy me. She tries, she told my cousin a few months ago she was going to make my life a living hell.

Haha, guess this is suppose to shock me? Honey, you have made my life hell since day one.

Go destroy yourself, that's her thing, not mine.

I heard a story about my exgf

She was living with a guy, her mother kicked her out of her home because she was trying her best to break her marrage up.

The exgf and this guy were at a baseball game, he's playing and gets hit in the mouth and gets his front teeth knocked out. She laughed at him and told everyone at the game how stupid he looked with no teeth.

Yes, she's one peach of a pshycho.

Have a great day everyone

[fromheeltoheal]

The person under her felt horrible, while my ex had to be told she should do something about it. She just didn't care. She was laughing and joking around while her subordinate was in tears. She displayed a complete lack of conscience,

Is it true she just didn't care boatman?  People respond to stressful situations differently, sometimes there's nervous laughter, sometimes there's guilt, and sometimes, depending on the person, there's a lack of maturity that prevents them from grasping the full extent and severity of what's going on.  Obviously you would have had to be there, one option is she just didn't care, and does this event have an impact on her job security?

[Mutt]

She was laughing and joking around while her subordinate was in tears.

I agree with fromheeltoheal, maybe it's her way to try to make someone feel better when they're hurt? Parents sometimes will try to lighten things up with their kids to sooth them when they're injured.

Your thread title "sociopathic traits" is plural, do you have other traits that you can share with us or are we jumping to conclusions? We're getting one side of the story, what did the subordinate say?

[boatman]

Hi everyone,

I really like the "grey rock" analogy, I'll have to keep it in mind. I've learned that in the past, that responding to her in virtually anyway causes a problem. It almost seems to fuel her dysfunction.

Her behavior had nothing to do with soothing anyone. She wouldn't even talk with her subordinate. Her actions threatened another person's life and she was laughing about it. That seems quite sociopathic to me.