Non-linear recovery

[lovenature]

I am about 8 months NC from my uBPDexgf. I have found that I was doing better around 3-4 months out; committed to detach, realizing it will take time and being more patient and compassionate with myself. Also accepting that I will have thoughts and feelings, and to just let them come and go.
Recently I have been struggling more with thinking about her; how sad it was that the closer I got, the more I was pushed away. How much of myself I lost from being in this relationship; trying to reach acceptance with becoming a broken down empty shell of my former self. Still hard at times to remain NC.

Realizing my FOO issues and why I stayed in a BPD relationship has been very painful, but given me hope for improvement and a happier life in the future.

Anyone else find their recovery similar to mine? Stories and advice to share from those who are further out?

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey lovenature-

given me hope for improvement and a happier life in the future.

There you go!  That's the key.  When the relationship first ends, emotions are strong, we come out of the fog, we start to realize more and more how dysfunctional it was from a slightly more objective place, we process, we grieve, and most of that is all about the past and all about them, them, them.  Then eventually the focus is less on our ex and more on us, but maybe still on the past, or this limbo kind of in the middle, kind of nowhere.  So the key now is to shift the focus from the past to the future, and create a compelling vision for that future, the life of your dreams, and make it big and bright so it will pull you towards it, and then take one step in that direction.  And then another.  And it takes some conscious effort right now or else the past will pull you back to it; the best way to fight something is don't fight it, create something new.

So what does you bright future look like?

[Larmoyant]

Anyone else find their recovery similar to mine? Stories and advice to share from those who are further out?

Very similar. I’m 7 months out, but only 11 days NC. It’s not even NC really because if he called I might answer. It’s sad because part of me is still waiting for him to come and take the pain away even though he won’t. Makes sense when I relate this my childhood so I’m working through it. But it’s very difficult.

Just take each day as it comes LN, wade through the emotions and we’ll get to the other side.
 
I like Heeltoheals advice. I'm going to take some time and write out what a bright future looks like. What does yours look like LN?

[lovenature]

Hi L and FHTH

My bright future looks like a peaceful life in the country with my 2 canine best friends, away from the crowded city, doing work in the bush and mechanical, getting back to doing things I enjoy that I gave up through the past.

Remember L, the only way out is through; the pain is excruciating but will get better, unlike staying attached to our ex.'s where it will only continue. I know how tough it is.

[fromheeltoheal]

My bright future looks like a peaceful life in the country with my 2 canine best friends, away from the crowded city, doing work in the bush and mechanical, getting back to doing things I enjoy that I gave up through the past.

Nice!  I'm about to adopt a lab puppy, and yes, dogs are awesome.  So are you making progress on creating that future lovenature?

[lovenature]

They are a great breed, I have had a black lab and currently have a black lab/german shepherd mix along with a yorkie/toy poodle mix.

I have been helping family dealing with cancer, been doing it for years, I try to live one day at a time. It has been very difficult healing from my BPD relationship; over the last 8+ years there has been one thing after another for me, including loosing both of my parents, the devaluation started at the worst possible time.

I have been taking small steps to work towards the future I would like to have.

Thanks for the replies.