Never been so cunfused

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I've never been so confused in my life!

I would like to thank everyone that's helped and will help me during this confusing time.

It's over to the point that I honestly don't want him back but I know I'll be confused or avoiding pointless drama for the next 18 years cause we have a child together. I'm currently trying to get full custody (he threatend me not to due to the fact he is more educated than me and he will win custody!) with all your advise I didn't listen, collected my evidence that he's unstable, self harming and wants to die.

I just can't believe how he passively threts me all the time and want us to be friends?

This is such a hard time for me guys and I hope for the strength to continue in me. I hope I'll get full custody and this will be over.

Thanks for reading, I needed to vent

[Dontknow88]

I've never been so confused in my life!

I would like to thank everyone that's helped and will help me during this confusing time.

It's over to the point that I honestly don't want him back but I know I'll be confused or avoiding pointless drama for the next 18 years cause we have a child together. I'm currently trying to get full custody (he threatend me not to due to the fact he is more educated than me and he will win custody!) with all your advise I didn't listen, collected my evidence that he's unstable, self harming and wants to die.

I just can't believe how he passively threts me all the time and want us to be friends?

This is such a hard time for me guys and I hope for the strength to continue in me. I hope I'll get full custody and this will be over.

Thanks for reading, I needed to vent

[fromheeltoheal]

I just can't believe how he passively threts me all the time and want us to be friends?

That's because a borderline hates to lose an attachment, it's the worst thing that can happen, a dysfunctional attachment is still an attachment, and the only one to sever it is you, which it sounds is what you want to do.

You can take a lot of the confusion out of his behavior by learning about the disorder Dontknow.  That won't make the behaviors any less intolerable or unacceptable, but at least you won't be confused, and that helps a lot.  Plus, he can even become a little predictable once you learn his motivations on a clinical level.

[Dontknow88]

I just can't believe how he passively threts me all the time and want us to be friends?

That's because a borderline hates to lose an attachment, it's the worst thing that can happen, a dysfunctional attachment is still an attachment, and the only one to sever it is you, which it sounds is what you want to do.

You can take a lot of the confusion out of his behavior by learning about the disorder Dontknow.  That won't make the behaviors any less intolerable or unacceptable, but at least you won't be confused, and that helps a lot.  Plus, he can even become a little predictable once you learn his motivations on a clinical level.

Yes that's why I love this site, it helps a lot. I seen other people in the same situation only steps ahead and it's crazy how I'll read about something in someone else's life and a week or 2 later it happenens to me.

For sure I need to research more so I won't be as shocked also know that for sure I'm making the right choice that he can't get full custody. I see him mentally messing up our son.


Thank you, more research for sure

[gotbushels]

Hi Dontknow88 

I agree with fromheeltoheal about learning more. I support that idea. 

Dontknow88 something that might help you during this research of yours is to periodically and self-compassionately recall that you're a separate person to the borderline. My experience here was that I spent a lot of time fussing over the other person's needs that it sometimes felt strange for me to spend a lot of time on handling myself. With this kind of dynamic, 18 years is a long time to spend as an intimate partner of a person.

Good luck with your custody issue. 

[Dontknow88]

Hi Dontknow88 

I agree with fromheeltoheal about learning more. I support that idea. 

Dontknow88 something that might help you during this research of yours is to periodically and self-compassionately recall that you're a separate person to the borderline. My experience here was that I spent a lot of time fussing over the other person's needs that it sometimes felt strange for me to spend a lot of time on handling myself. With this kind of dynamic, 18 years is a long time to spend as an intimate partner of a person.

Good luck with your custody issue. 

Thank you, more research for sure!