how deep can the BPD parent manuplate?

[bus boy]

My npd/BPD ex wife says very hurtful mean things, especially if I defy her. I've posted in the past that s9 doesn't text or call or wasn't getting my texts or phone calls. His mother says she always told s9 I called or text but he doesn't want to call you back. She always made it sound like he doesn't want to talk to me. S9 has his own phone since June. It's in the court order that during my access s9 gets a bed ti e call. She was calling and texting way to much. She would get s9 on the phone than he would want to go home so I had to keep tight control of the phone. Now s9 has his own phone, sometimes it's a text fest with his mother and her bf has joined in on texting s9 during my access. I thought it would change for my talking or texting s9 but it got worse. He get in a bad state if he doesn't call his mom, his phone never leaves his side so I fi d it so strange that I never get a call or text between access visits. I text a good morning and a goodnight, I might get 1 response. He never calls me. His mother went over the deep end last week and told me in rage that no body wants me, no one wants to live with me, everyone leaves me, s9 doesn't want to be with you, no body wants you. Those words hurt but they are strengthened I'm my mind when s9 never makes any attempt  to call or text. He never misses a text to his mother or her bf. What's going on here? I fought tooth & nail for my son but I sometimes feel like a ghost in his life. When his mother was denying access he always told me how much he misses me, now I have proper access and he wants to go home every access visit. Before s9 got his own phone he said he never got my messages so why does he not contact or reply now? Why is her bf texting on my access time and getting an instant response.

[whirlpoollife]

If xw was normal, s9 probably wouldn't have his phone at his side with responding immediately to her texts and calls.  She most likely makes him scared not to respond immediately.  When I was married to my xh he would do that to me. If I didn't respond right away I better have had an answer. 
When first seperated I got the kids trac phones so we could call. Every time while at their dads the volume got turned downed , phones got lost , my texts or calls got deleted.  It goes with the PD.
Your xw is making sure she is not forgotten when s is  with you and she is taking your time away with him.  My xh would stay on the phone literally for hours until I printed out the phone bill with his calls highlighted to show the custody judge.
Calls/texts , emails, need to be addressed for court orders otherwise it will continue to get out of hand.
Also when kids were with  their dad, xh, they were silent to me on the phone. They were afraid to talk to me while he was by them listening .

[OutOfEgypt]

I agree with whirlpoollife.  It sounds like your son is afraid of not responding to them and is afraid of responding to you.  It doesn't mean that your ex is directly telling him to not talk to you (she might be), but it does indicate that he feels that talking to you and probably showing affection toward you would really upset his mom.  And absolutely, when he is with you, your ex is going out of her way to remain stuck firmly in his mind.  For him to have his own separate identity is extremely threatening to her. 

Being sensitive to not make him feel guilty (which he probably already gets from his mom), why not ask him about it?  "Hey, buddy.  I noticed you always have your phone with you.  Do you keep it with you like that when you're at your mom's?"  He may say "No, mommy takes it."  He may say, "Yes".  If yes, "Oh... .I wasn't sure.  I call and text you but I don't hear back.  Any idea why?"  He may not say anything.  You can suggest, ":)oes it make you feel funny to talk to me when your mom is around?"  Hey may say yes.  You can ask him to elaborate... ."afraid"?  "bad"?  Listen to what he says.  "Ok, well I understand.  I know you still love me, and I love you very much."

My ex would make sure I knew that my kids never asked for me when it was her week with them.  Of course, it wasn't true.  But even if it was, that's not necessarily a bad thing.  It was only for a week at a time.

I'm sorry you are going through this.  People like this are extremely polarizing and alienating.  They demand complete allegiance because of their deep insecurities.  Just continue to be a rock of stability to him, because your ex-wife is incapable of it.  In time, the rocky relationships, the drama, the duplicity, the lying, the manipulation will start to become more evident to your son.  Just continue to be the stable force, listening, speaking truth but in a non-vengeful manner. 

And yes, use any evidence you can, such as text messages and phone records, to show that your ex is attempting to consume all of his time with you.

What exactly is the parenting-time arrangement?  Do you get 50/50?

[bus boy]

Hi OutOfEgypt, I am a stable part of s9 life. His mother I high functioning but emotionally manuplating and emotionally abusive. I can't say she rages at s9 but she for sure has used emotional abuse and fear on him.

 My parenting time is every wednsday over night and every second weekend Friday afternoon to Monday morning. I am trying for custody hoping for 50/50. She is a 100% uncompromising total nightmare to deal with in every aspect of s9 life and the court order. It's been like this since he was born. If it's not 100% clarity on the court order she will not budge. She puts her own interpation on in and that's where it stays. Every time we get a new court order she twists it all around and the only way to get an issue resolved is to go back to court. Now she has a bf, and she is worse than ever, he is a very loyal flying monkey.