What do you feel the next step should be?

[Someday . . .]

I have a dBPD, age 28.  She's have a multitude of suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, 12 years of cutting (her one year anniversary of not cutting was this past month!), hospitalizations etc, medication overdoses and the eating disorder is currently up front and center.  To her credit, she is actively going to eating disorder anonymous meetings and is consistently seeing a therapist.   She's also had a LOT of DBT (which she intermittently uses), and nine facilities (3 of those were 6 wk program), she's been kicked out of 3 as they said that she needed a higher level of care and three facilities they did not deliver what they promised so we took her out.   

Here's what we're dealing with:   She was in a facility last year and met a guy.  They mutually love each other (he's 32) and he's a really nice guy - better than any she's been with and much more stable than she.   I realize that relationships and connections are huge for anyone, especially for someone with BPD.  He lives 1,000 miles away, he's been out to see her once and she's been back to see him once.   They plan on living together. 

 My daughter is pretty low functioning and really is unable to live anywhere else except for home.  The last place she lived was in March of this year.  The rtc's main purpose was  to try to get her able to live on her own.   Within the first month she overdosed on her meds and was kicked out.  After she was kicked out, she realized that any plan to get her to live on her own was now shot.  She had tried everything and there was nothing left to try.  She was beyond hopeless.  Fortunately, what gave her hope is when her bf came to visit the following month.  They decided that they wanted to live together.  Since May my daughter has functioned at an ok level - best 3 stable months we've had (still not great, but better than usual).  Hope is a great motivator.  However, this is where I need help.  Under 'normal' circumstances I would let this run its course as they really don't have the money to see each other.  I do feel that that could lead to disaster, and in all honesty, I would love for my daughter to have a modicum of happiness in her life.  Dilemma.  . what to do?  There's no group homes in the city he lives in (small midwest town) and where we live housing is past exorbitant.  Neither is willing to settle for long distance relationship - my daughters last boyfriend was 2,000 miles away and that was not doable.  Even my son feels that she should live with him, as it's obvious living at home for the next 50 years is a heck of a way to live a life.  Yet, I know that she really can't live away.  For one, it's obvious that she will overdose on meds.  Can anyone see a middle road? Any suggestions what has worked for you?     

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi there someday

My BPDs is 25 and we're currently working on financial management skills to help when he moves out. I'm hoping that we can get him living independently next year.  He's had a few spells living away but they were all disastrous but this was all pre diagnosis.

I asked for help regarding living independently and there's many threads on it. What seemed to be the sensible suggestion was a phased financial support. In my case, this will have to be emotional support too as I can't see my BPDs managing if he's too far away - at least initially. Also, he works so that would need to be considered.

Does the bf live with his parents?

where do they want to live?

[Someday . . .]

Lollipop, thanks for the post.  That is something that I've been meaning to look into!  I needed the reminder!