Hello, new member here

[Rebecca333]

Hi, all.
I'm here because I am struggling with my sister who is mentally ill and has at least some of the characteristics of BPD.  She has always had some issues, but they significantly worsened after she suffered severe head trauma some years ago.

I would prefer to have very limited contact with her, but I remain in touch to keep an eye on my young niece.  In one instance, I had to intervene when my sister called the child's school having hallucinations.

My sister currently says that I am to have no contact with this child, because my sister is angry that I would not respond to threatening emails from her.  I know that she will eventually change her mind, because she always has in the past, but I am still very distressed.  She has told my niece not to contact me. 

I know that I can call CPS if I'm concerned about my niece, but I'm still worried, especially because my sister can change moods/actions on a dime.

Thanks for listening, and I look forward to learning more here.

[Woolspinner2000]

Rebecca333,

Welcome!   Your situation sounds distressing, and not unlike a couple of other recent posts here about a sister possibly having BPD and the threat of not being able to remain in contact with a niece.  I am so sorry to hear this. It is clear that you care about both your sister and your niece.

Those exhibiting traits of BPD can be difficult at the least and impossible at the worst to deal with. Unfortunately a pwBPD cannot be changed, but you can change how you respond to them. Are you familiar with the term boundaries? Here is a link that may be helpful to you as a place to start the thinking process:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries

Is there anything you are doing to help you deal with this difficult situation? I'm very glad that you found our site, but I'm also wondering if you have a support group or a T that you can reach out to?

 
Wools

[Rebecca333]

Hello, Woolspinner. 
Thanks for the link to the article on boundaries.  There are definitely some things I need to think through.

One of the values that I am trying to live, although not always successfully, is that all people are worthy of respect and acceptance.  The person that is the hardest for me to apply that to is myself.  I'm improving, and I want to move forward with this in my relationships.

I love my sister, but I do not find her behavior of sending me threatening emails (threats of lawsuits, unspecified telling other people something bad about me, etc.) acceptable.  I have just recently made that really clear to her. 

I do have a therapist, who is helping me a lot, but just finding this board accidentally the other day is already helping!  Reading the other posts - well, I can't believe how similar other people's situations are.  I'm sad that it is happening to others, but relieved to not feel so alone, and especially to see that tools and strategies have been developed that might help me respond to my sister.

I'm afraid that I made a mistake in responding to my sister's email in that I suggested that she owes me an apology for making false accusations against me.  I wasn't really saying that out of anger, but more so that I could hear if she even understands what she is doing.

My sister is doubly confusing, because along with the personality issues, the head injury she suffered caused brain damage in the part of the brain responsible for some executive functions. 

Anyway, thanks again for the encouragement.  This is a marathon, not a sprint, and I am glad to be here with "trainers."

Peace,

Rebecca

[Naughty Nibbler]

HEY Rebecca333:  

I'd like to join Woolspinner in welcoming you.  I'm so sorry about your sister.  uBPD and brain damage have to be a tough combination.

How old is your niece?   Is your niece's father in the picture?

Are you able to define which of her behaviors began after the brain injury, versus the prior uBPD traits?  Is therapy something that would help her?