Urgent - Where can I find RTC details ?

[Yepanotherone]

My apologies for rather rushed abrupt post . We've spent the night in ER and are following the ambulance right now to acute inpatient care ( again . For the 4th time in the last 12 months ) .  I called our insurance provider to ask about RTC coverage as I'm thinking we need to try this route now after she is stabilized . The insurance gave me some facilities that are close to home and in network but from what I've read so far online there is not one of them that I'm seeing will meet the needs of BPD . How do I find the best ones ? We are in Colorado . I'll only have a few days to do my research , thanks guys x

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi Yep,

Oh, I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing, and your BPD loved one.

This link has additional information about RTC that might be useful: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114267.msg12588412#msg12588412

I remember, too, reading in BPD in Adolescence (Blaise Aguirre) a list of RTC options recommended at the end of the book, though I am not certain of the age range.

We do have members here who have direct experience with RTC and hopefully can comment on first-hand experiences to help guide you.

Holding your hand and walking with you... .

LnL

[wendydarling]

Hi Yep 

I'm so very sorry Yep, you are in my thoughts, I too am walking with you and here to support you. As you know I'm in the UK, thanks to LnL for pulling the resources - let us know if they are helpful and appropriate, if not let us know and we will research further for you.

Big loving hugs to you my friend.

WDx

[Bright Day Mom]

I join the others in sharing in supporting you.  We've been there too many times! 

My D16 is currently in RTC (7 months now).  Though RTC was not our first choice, it was the only one remaining after 5 hospitalizations (3 rounds of PHP, IOP).  RTC saved our family!  Do you have a CMO (Care Manager) from the county you live?  I have no idea how Colorado is in terms of available assistance. We are in NJ and our CMO, hospital PSYD and social worker agreed RTC was best option and led the way.  Unfortunately our insurance does not cover RTC and we would not have had the means to pay privately (we have another D in College).

Let us know if you have questions as I had tons of questions and may be able to help with process / placement.

The one important thing I did that I believe helped was let my D know we are in this as a family and we will be there every step of the way (even when she didn't want to see us for the visiting hr - we went anyway!).  They have such a fear of abandonment she needed the consistency.

Try to get some rest, knowing she is now in a safe environment and you will need your energy for this marathon.
 

[lbjnltx]

Hello Yep,

So very sorry that your family is in crisis again. 

Please do not rush in choosing a facility.  This is a very important decision as you know.

If insurance coverage is a determining factor narrow the list by finding out what criteria must be met for coverage.

Must it be in your state?
Must there be a 24/7 licensed psychologist present?
Must there be a psychiatrist on staff?
Will they cover the entire cost (room, board, individual/group therapy, education)?
Will they cover any of the traveling expenses for family to participate in the program?
How long will coverage last and who determines when she will be ready to leave the facility?

Start there and get the answers to help you narrow down your choices if insurance coverage is a must for your d to attend an RTC.

lbj

[Yepanotherone]

Thankyou all so much friends , it's been a rough night with yet another police visit and they literally caught her with the razer in her hands slashing her arms  I was on the phone to Crises Intervention at the time! The irony !
 We have now deposited my girl into her acute care facility . The ER wanted to send her out on the "first available bed / first to get back to them " option which if course was the same unit she's been in three times already! The last admission was just a farce and I was very unhappy with the care there , so I called another unit myself, found they had a bed available , then insisted the ER social worker stop the plans to have her transported to that awful place . Luckily enough I got to ER just in time to stop it ! She's in a small unit now , only 45 mins up the road , only 8 beds and already I left with a much more reassuring vibe from within the unit , small and much more personable . They used to have a residential program but don't now unfortunately .
I will be spending my evening going through her room with a fine tooth like comb after finding an array of razer blades and stashes of Benadryl medication in her various shoes in her closet .
I've read theough all the links above and taken screenshots. Already I'm wondering if it's truely for the best . Have I really exhausted all other options . I don't think I have . In any case , reading the info you provided has made me realise this is not something I can the throw her into based on a decision made within days . I'll see what the case worker has to say in the hospital once they've had a chance to assess her . Maybe I need to put more effort , energy and time into trying a true DBT therapist rather than one who is just dabbling .
I don't know . I'm tired . I'm emotional .

[wendydarling]

Hi Yep

Thanks for reaching back to us  . We all recognise you are exhausted and probably need time to rest for now, we are all here for you, so shout out, we are listening 24/7.

WDx 

[Yepanotherone]

Bright day Mom, are you able to share which RTC your DD is in ? And how did you go about getting a case worker?  I've just texted my DD's school principal ( my DD is trying online school this semester and the principal and the guidance counsellor are on campus and being very supportive ) to ask if they can pursue an IEP eval for my DD as it seems from readings here , that my DD might need that if we do end up going via the RTC route . She has a 504 plan only at this point and I think that's because her traditional school didn't feel the need to go for an IEP at the time .
Lbjn, I'm looking at falcon Ridge . Did you choose that facility specifically because your DD had an interest in horses ? My DD has never been involved with horses so I was just wondering what you felt that particularly part of the program offered ? We do have a reasonable sum of money from the sale of our last home put aside but that's had been earmarked for a deposit for our next home . We could dip into it however and maybe also take out a loan for the bulk of the cost .

Wendydarling , thankyou so much , you are so kind .
I feel that since joining this forum I have been quite selfish in that I seem to take take take but yet not be in the position to give much as I still just feel so clueless about what I'm doing and have so much to learn .

[Bright Day Mom]

Hi Yep, We were put in touch with our county's services thru one of the hospital social workers.  Unfortunately they were put in play late in the game; I think after her 3rd hospitalization. Inquire w/ your D's hospitals social work team - they should be able to point you in the right direction. If not, let your fingers do the work and Google mental health services in your state / county.   

My d also has an IEP and had been placed out of district in an alternative high school prior to RTC. The school specializes in unique kids, has small class sizes, social workers and a great support system.  We felt it would provide her with the best potential.  It will become the districts responsibility to take care of the educational portion of any placement.  The IEP process is not a quick one, I would think the sooner you get the ball rolling the better.  Let's see what other parents think... .

As far as the RTC my girl is in, unfortunately it is a state program and only available to NJ residents.  State programs get such a  bad rap, but the they are all different; we've seen good and bad.  The women that run my d's are fantastic... .they have become extended family!

[lbjnltx]

I didnt choose falcon because of the equine aspect.  Many facilities use equine therapy.  For my d she learned about the necessity of boundaries and the many aspects associated with needing boundaries based on values. Unlike many of the programs who have weekl y visits to equine facilities falcon has equine at the core of their program... .even having their own breeding program.  Carong for the horses is a large part of bonding and understanding.

[wendydarling]

Hi Yep

Been offline for a while, thinking of you your lovely girl and family. 

WDx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Yepanotherone]

Hello all , quick update! I spoke with the Dr today and he feels an RTC placement for my DD at this point would do more harm than good as it would be yet another Uprooting of my DD against her will ( we moved from Scotland to USA 6 years ago then across States 1 year ago and my DD resents us for uprooting her twice already . I totally get that . She has every right to be very angry with us .
He did strongly recommend the IOP program they have which is an intensive DBT program ( horray!) ,  3 times a week for 3 hours each session ,  18 sessions over 6 weeks , to give her a good groundwork for DBT then to make sure its followed up by ongoing DBT one on one at least twice weekly and a seperate therapist for family therapy . We have our family meeting tomorrow so will see what other resources they can put us in touch with .
My princess was in good spirits tonight though rather preoccupied with wanting to make sure I'd texted her friends to give them details of her visiting hours ! She wants to be discharged by the weekend ( that's her goal ) as in her words " I didn't need to be here in the first place !" I told her the policeman who caught her slashing her arms with a razor obviously thought differently as did her friends who she'd been texting that she was saying her goodbyes. Of course my comments were met with eyerolls! I also suspect she's wanting to get out to see where the land lies now with her boyfriend ( not sure is he's an ex now or not !. I wonder if the poor lad has been traumatized so much into feeling remorseful and changing his mind about the relationship ending ) fab . Just . Fab .

[livednlearned]

Hi yep,

I remember reading in a few books about DBT teaching to hold ice cubes instead of cutting -- is that something your D might be willing to try? That way, she can experience the intense sensation of pain (for relief... .) without the consequences of razors.

I know you must have much bigger things on your mind and this is a small piece of a big puzzle. I'm thinking about you and your D and hoping the DBT program is something she embraces. 

[Bright Day Mom]

Hopefully your D will be willing to participate in DBT IOP; it will take a big commitment on her part.

I wouldn't be too anxious for the hospital to discharge her, may not be able to meet the weekend goal.  Is the doc doing anything with her meds?  I have always preferred the changes be done inpatient when possible this way I am assured she is safe and can be monitored by staff.

In the meantime, try to get as much rest as you can and continue learning the lessons / tools.  They have been priceless in communicating within our home, but take a lot of practice to master (I'm still a work in progress!).

Please know we are all here for your family and keep us posted.

[Yepanotherone]

Thankyou all DD is being discharged home tomorrow. No changes to her medications as the Dr feels what she is on right now is not too outlandish and he was also conscious of trying to listen to and include my DD's wishes that she didn't want any increases or changes .
I'm feeling a bit nervous about her being home as I know she has some unresolved conversations to have with her boyfriend , I think she's hoping for a reconciliation . I asked the therapist if she could work with her on developing coping  skills for worst case scenario as she openly admitted she'll feel devastated if the relationship is truely over but has no idea how she's going to deal with that . The therapist will be filling me in tomorrow hopefully on how that's gone .
She's agreed to do the DBT IOP program and there are places so the staff were working on the pre auth today .
In all honesty I feel she's drawing further and further away from me when it comes to talking about anything REAL  I just don't know how to break down her walls . It's as if she grows more and more determined with each passing day that she is going to keep everything that truely matters from her family and her friends are the only ones she can share with . The therapist tried to challenge her a little about that by asking her what is it your friends do or say for you that you don't feel your mum and dad can't when you need support ? She just shrugged her shoulders , saying "I don't know"
Family therapy is on my priority list to get sorted out now asap

[wendydarling]

Hi Yep

Sending you my very best wishes and support, I've had a busy week with my 90 mother who has an operation next Wednesday, work and ... .All is good - just mega busy and a bit tricky.

Thanks for the update, great news they have a DBT IOP place available for your DD, keeping momentum of care and treatment moving.  I understand when you say you feel your DD is drawing further and further away in talking about anything real, hopefully the family therapy will help get back on track. Access to a 24/7 crisis team also helped my DD avoid a crisis recently, 3 appointments in a week, prior to being in DBT she dissed them as useless, know she understand their value. Yep, I hope you gain some comfort once all the treatment and therapy is underway   

Is this your daughter's first boyfriend, first breakup?

WDx 

[wendydarling]

Hi Yep

Thinking of you and how you are doing following discharge?

WDx

[Yepanotherone]

Hi WD , thankyou for thinking about us x things aren't good at all , in fact she was readmitted again today  she self harmed terribly over the last couple of days, the only reason I knew that was because she had gone to the school counsellor and showed him a couple of her cuts that she was worried about regarding infection and the counsellor called me yesterday . So  when I took her for her session at the IOP program last night ((that's the 4th one), I had a nurse look over her wounds ( to check for infection as my DD won't let me see them) and the nurse told me they were quite bad and deep , all over her arms, legs and hips . She told me they didn't need stitches but to keep them clean and get antibiotic cream / dressings for them . So while I was waiting for my DD to finish her therapy session I went to the pharmacy to get al first aid things that I needed , then literally sat in my car for three hours and just cried my eyes out . On the way home , my DD was doing her usual , gazing out of the car window , ignoring any questions I had . When we got home I asked her to either hand over the blades voluntarily or else I'd have to go through her room with a fine tooth comb . She handed over the blade . This morning she had a follow up with her psychiatrist and my husband was taking her  ( I had already called and left a message for the Dr about her self harm to give him the heads up last night) . Within half an hour of my husband taking her , I got a frantic call at work from him telling me the Dr was insisting my DD be readmitted immediately and he apparently said that she was very suicidal and was "pulling the wool over everyone's eyes) so my husband was driving her back up to the hospital . My DD was Adamently refusing to go and my husband said he had to literally manhandle her into the car . Once at the hospital , he demanded she be admited there ( and not trundled out into another facility ) and he said he was going to camp there until they found her a bed . Thankfully there was a bed . So she's back in  I'm just besides myself , I just don't know what else to do and what's to become of us as a family .
I didn't visit her tonight at visiting because I thought she'd be so angry about being admitted again and would probably refuse my visit , and to be honest my heart can't take further rejection today  
She did call though from the unit , I was surprised . I had a long conversation with her ( well I talked and she listened -because she never opens up) . I told her we love her very much , told her that I'll be sleeping in her bed tonight just to be close to her , I also told her that I've tried not to show her how devastating this is and how it's affecting us all because I don't want her to get upset , but I just couldn't stop myself from telling her I can't take much more , it's breaking my heart, I just want her happy and healthy and I want her to feel she can open up and accept the help and support that surrounds her because otherwise we'll keep going round and round and we'll all sink . she did listen . Didn't have much to say , but I know she was listening . She said she's not suicidal and doesn't understand why "the dr freaked out ! I just told him honestly that I don't know why I cut and that I don't think medication is working as I'm not bipolar like he keeps saying , I'm BPD and I'm not wanting to take the meds any more". .
She asked me to go get her out because she's not on a mental health hold apparently , but I told her we've come to the point where enough is enough and she MUST buy into and engage with the therapy and try to start seriously work g on her recovery , and especially the self harm because I keep fearing that every morning when I check in her while she's still asleep in her bed ,  she's going to have cut too deep and /or not be breathing .
I just don't know what to think WD . She says she wants to come off all her meds because she's felt worse ever since starting  them. I for one would agree with that insofar as she's much worse  over this last year , since starting meds , it's been horrific ! I do wonder if a regular antidepressant would work better for her because she seems chronically depressed most of the time , but the Dr hasn't tried  her on an anti depressant because he keeps saying she's bipolar and antidepressants are contraindicated in bipolar . One thing I'm outraged at , he wrote a script basically tripling all her meds ! That seems outrageous ! Would put her flat on her back !
I'm going to see what the hospital psychiatrist has to say . I've long wondered about this " bipolar " diagnosis and whether she'd do better on an antidepressant rather than bipolar meds . Someone just needs to come out and say what they are all thinking ... That she's a raging BPD !
I'm also back to considering RTC's again  I just don't know what to do for the best

[Bright Day Mom]

Hey Yep, sorry you guys are back in crisis. When my D had her repeated hospitalizations, the only positive I could think of was at least she is SAFE! 

Share your / and daughter's thoughts on the meds and how she feels on them this past year or so with the doc.  Upping doses of meds that haven't given any relief may be useless.  She may be right, they may have to scrap her current cocktail and start over. This is best done in the hospital setting as they are well staffed and can make the changes more aggressively. 

You may want to bring in another Psych for a 2nd opinion.  Maybe her dx isn't accurate, though many of the disorders have overlapping.  Her condition right now is too much to handle home. RTC saved us, definitely keep all your options open.

In the meantime, do try to take care of yourself so you can take on this "marathon".

[Yepanotherone]

Thankyou bright day mom , just reading your response just now while getting my hair colored ... .I have significant gray now that needs colored regularly surprise surprise !
I spoke with the hospital psychiatrist this morning and he was excellent , explaining things much more so that my DD's regular psychiatrist . He is kind of in agreement with my DDvthat she didn't need to be readmitted as she wasn't suicidal and she is very very angry with her regular psychiatrist . He advised I get another one for her as the therapeutic relationship has broken down with her existing one , she feels very dissatisfied with the meds , has told the hospital dr she is absolutely done with them .
The hosptial dr did say he would like to completely revamp her meds and suggested lithium as in his experience it's the best med to deal with impulsivity and suicidal thoughts , just in one med . He continues to be averse to " labeling her " with bipolar or BPD due to her age ,( he told me this when she was last admitted a couple of weeks ago ) and said that regardless of whatever diagnoses she ends up with ( it might be both !) , he said regular antidepressants will not work for her and would make her worse as in his opinion , her extreme impulsivity is the main risk issue , and antidepressants would most likely certainly just make that worse .
He said he'll speak with her again today about meds and discourage her decision to just stop all her meds completely as they need to be tapered off for safety .
I register my DD yesterday with a different service who have a team of psychiatrists and therapists and they will pick her up post hospital discharge this time . Meanwhile, I know the hospital will be discharging her soon as they are not convinced she needed to be readmitted . They want her back into the IOP program asap .
Oh and just to put the icing on the cake, our insurance has declined authorization for payment this time , because of the questions around the admission . The case worker said they'll appeal it though and can normally work insurance around .

[wendydarling]

Hi Yep

So very sorry to hear you are back in crisis my friend, I agree with everything you and Bright Day say, right diagnosis?, right meds? Your daughters opinions, yours and your H's ... . 

Yep

There are a few things you say that positively resonate with me and my journey with my daughter who is making grand strides on her road to recovery since crisis all last year till Feb 2016.

Your young daughter questions her diagnosis of Bi-polar and meds - good, she is taking responsibility for her future and wellbeing.
She sought advice and help from her school counsellor about her wounds -good, she took responsibility for her wellbeing.
Your daughter  listened to you during crisis, that is a very difficult to do during a crisis - good, she values your love, guidance and support. My daughter was also unable to respond to me when she was in crisis, can you imagine how confusing it is for them? Your daughter may not have taken in what you said, perhaps say it again, or what you want to say today, tomorrow, if she is listening perhaps she may not be locking you out as you feel , it's where she is this moment in time, tomorrow, next week, month, year will be a better time.

Thinking of you all, walking with you

BW
WDx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bright Day Mom]

Yep, your girl sounds so much like mine!  Since you like the doc, maybe they would be inclined to work with you / her on getting a new med regimen.  If they can keep her and do this inpatient the better. Just coming off many of the meds as you know is NOT recommended, they can suffer major withdrawal. Hopefully the dr can explain this to her.  I think I may have mentioned Lithium before, but my d is on it. It doesn't work overnight as it needs to be at a therapeutic level, but from what I've been told it is the only FDA approved for impulsive / suicidal thoughts. Is your D on any other mood stabilizers? 

So far as the insurance co not paying, let the hosp. appeal and hopefully they'll pay.  Let's face it, least of our problems!

Hang in there, you are doing great!

I hope the rest of your day goes well, keep us posted.

[Yepanotherone]

Thankyou Both , I do feel so alone as I've no family here, my family are all back in Scotland . We haven't really made friends here either . Woe is me !  
So my DD is just off the phone , first of all asking if I'm visiting tonight ( because last night she showed me the door and asked me to leave because I was p******g her off by pointing out that to stop all medications just like that would be dangerous !) . I didn't get an actual apology (of course not !) but the very act of her calling to ask if I was going to visit tonight is her way of apologizing !
So anyway , I told her about my chat with the hospital psychiatrist this morning , and told her his main concerns are her extreme impulsivity and her poor quality of sleep which destabilizes her mood . We chatted a bit and i asked if she had had any more thoughts about the medication side of things . She said " I've decided that I'll stick with the meds I'm on for now, because the dr told me if I just stop , I could have a seizure. So I'll stick with what I'm on for now , I'm going to do this DBT IOP program , then once I've finished that ,I'll make the decisions about whether I want to try Lithium or not". Fairly sensible I thought ! She's very clear there's no chance she's going back to the psychiatrist who's been overseeing her care for this last year . I do agree with her . For him to suggest he's going to triple her dose of trileptal , triple the dose of lamictil and double the dose back up again to 20 mg of the abilify all in one go , to the highest levels of medication she's ever been on ,just seems outrageous ! Particularly because he himself just in the last couple of months initiated a reduction in dose as she's been having Extrapyramidal motor side effects that are potentially irreversible on the original doses she's been on , let alone tripling them  !  In answering your question bright day , yep she's on mood stabilizers and an atypical antipsychotic . How has the lithium been working out for your DD ?
WD thankyou so very much for pointing out all those positives . That really helped xxx
Oh and BDmom , I've already asked if she can stay with the hospital psychiatry group even if they are 50 mins up the road , but unfortunately they don't do outpatients . The case worker did say though that the program coordinator of the IOP program can perhaps refer us to a good one ! Particularly if we are still struggling to find a good fit for my DD with this new group I've just registered her with .

[Gorges]

 So sorry you are going through this... .I haven't been on board much as my daughter is off to college and I am back at work and really busy.  You seem like a strong, kind soul and I am so sorry you are being tested and tired. Your daughter is lucky to have you.  Stay strong!

[wendydarling]

Hi Yep

I'm sorry you feel alone and are missing your family in Scotland, we are walking with you Yep, everyone at bpdfamily  - big hugs to you Yep.   

Despite the ordeal it seems you continue to have positive conversations with your daughter around medication and her saying I'll do the DBT IOP ... .

I've held my daughter to all her verbal commitments when in crisis and beyond around her recovery, in a supporting and loving manner.

Hang in there,  I hope your family session went well 

Wdx

[Bright Day Mom]

Hi Yep,

I  hope things are beginning to look up for you and your family.  It is a tough position many of us have been in (multiple times here). 

With my D, the Lithium slowly diminished her suicidal thoughts and impulsiveness, though I don't think solely as she's been in rtc w/a lot of support/therapy.  It isn't a quick fix as it does take some time to build to a therapeutic level, but has been a staple in her daily cocktail.

I'm not sure if this will help you or not, but our hospital social worker had us keep visits "light" (i.e. no conflict discussion, meds, etc). More cordial general small talk, what'd you to today, eat, etc.   They recommended us save the other for family sessions this way they would be there to mediate and see where the conflicts lie and how to properly communicate effectively.

Keep us posted on progress;  How are YOU doing thru all this?

[Yepanotherone]

UPDATE: hello again I've been around the boards but not had the energy to post an update as yet
So my DD is back out of the hospital again and back into the IOP program . Prior to her most recent hospital discharge , we had a really good family therapy session and for the first time ever , my DD did open up , had very tangible goals , and was showing such a high degree of self awareness I was blown away . She detailed her goals , and in her normal fashion , fired them off one by one without going into detail , but the therapist challenged her to dig deeper into the why's and how's , and she was able to come up with more details . One of her goals is to stop self harming because she shared she is now much more aware of what that does to others around her and she doesn't want to keep pressurizing her friends and traumatizing them by sending graphic pictures of her self harm . She now recognizes why she does this " I do it because I've learned that it's my way of drawing them back in if I'm feeling lonely and rejected ". We agreed that I was to have all her friends numbers and that they are to text me the minute they start receiving scary texts from her , and she's given her friends " permission " to not feel they are betraying her or going behind her back if they let me know what's going on. Other reasons she have for wanting to stop the self harm included "when I'm older and have kids I don't want them to have to ask about my scars , " and " my roommate ( in the hospital ) is much younger than me , she's only 13 and covered in scars . I was giving her advice about how to stop then thought to myself wait a minute ,. Who am I to be giving this girl advice when I still do it myself ?"
One of the hospital psychiatrists (who is fully trained in DBT) did say that my DD is on the bipolar spectrum , likely bipolar 2, and is also definitely BPD . ( surprise surprise !) she said my DD's most recent hospitalization was likely premature and it was likely because my DD's regular psychiatrist felt out of his comfort zone with the extent of her self injury cuts . In any case my DD is absolutely point blank refusing to go back to her regular psychiatrist , she is so angry that he readmitted her and feels he didn't give her a chance to self manage and was completely against his intention to triple all her meds whether she wanted to or not . We got a referral for a new group of mental health practitioners locally so we'll see how that goes . My DD had her intake assessment with them yesterday and for the first time ever , allowed me to sit with her throughout .( she normally asks me to leave the room when being asked sensitive questions about her mental health. The hospital psychiatrist said a lot of lovely things about my DD , told me she's a great girl and she had very much enjoyed working with her , that she's definitely ahead of the game in accepting her conditions than other kids her age and that she has a great deal of hope for my DD that she can successfully manage her conditions and succeed in the future . She said who knows how my DD will present when she moves into her twenties , but she seemed very positive .So I'm feeling hopeful and strong .

When I was sitting in my DD's intake assessment yesterday I learned that my DD has felt she has had BPD " probably all her life ". She told the therapist that even from a very young age , she's had strange behaviours . She said one of her favorite past times was covering herself in ketchup and lying by the side of the road pretending to be dead . Jeezy peeps! I don't recall ever seeing her doing that but wow !

As an aside , I've found a local Buddhist temple who provide mindfulness classes for free ! Im going to go along on Sunday and check it out . My DD isn't saying yay or nay yet as to whether she's going to come along with me , but in any case it's worth looking into even if I'm going myself  

[wendydarling]

Hi Yep

Your news is so very encouraging from my experience, sounds like a significant break-through, your young daughter aiming to taking on her responsibility and journey - allowing you and her friends to work with her in supporting her recovery, there is an openness and trust you describe. It is also encouraging she is challenging her health care, my daughter did that in BUCKETS, it was a good indication my daughter was in touch with her needs and journey ahead. All sounds very familiar to my experience. When they start opening up (blown away too!) and talking honestly   we have something tangible to positively move forward with our children and their and our wider supporters family, friends and medics.

I recall reading some where it is for some of our BPD’s 1,000 times harder to live every day than nonBPDs.   Kind of puts it in context for me their pain and why and how they dearly value our support and love when they are able to take that important step.

Though your daughter may not join you in the mindfulness class this week, that you are keeps it open to her in the future. My daughter visited a local Buddhist temple with carers of the crisis home in February. She welcomed the experience and knows they are there for her, in her broad support system. A mixture of home and external support is working for us. First thing my daughter reached for was self-soothing she engaged with at home, as you may have read – pinging elastic bands on wrists (no longer does),baths with Lush products, aiming to get the sleep pattern right, colouring books for mindfulness, latest this week as the nights are closing in is Horlicks. Oh and a rescue kitten homed 5 weeks ago, now 9 weeks, all her responsibility!  I have found since the meds are now working well since August time and DBT since June my daughter has calmed down. She often turns down social events, like tonight a friend’s major art exhibition. Once she’d be out every night, supporting a very wide network of friends, now she chooses wisely as she recognises her needs, she needs quiet time.

Hope and small confident steps Yep 

You must be absolutely exhausted while doing so brilliantly too! 

I wish you and your daughter a peaceful time in your home. While I was strung up to the rafters in February and the prior 12 months when daughter came home I made it the most chilled and calm experience for her I could at that point and she kept opening up to me, further and further  .  Seemed to work.

WDx

[Yepanotherone]

Hi WendyD , like you , I'm striving to keep our home calm and as free from stress as possible , while injecting some fun into things too. We have friends visiting from Scotland later this month so we are all looking forward to that and have some fun things planned . I've also booked a cheeky wee weekend getaway to LA in December , just a girls trip , myself and my 2 daughters   I'm going to get travel,insurance though for our trip because you just ... never... .know with my BPD DD!
My DD and I are putting together a DBT toolbox ... Literally a box! That rolls under her bed , and we are filling it with things that she can practice mindfulness with snow globes , crystals, things like that ) , together with activities she can do when she needs them , crafty type things , jewellery she can make , elastic bands she can put on her wrist, lots of red pens she can draw on herself with, coloring books and her journal . We'll keep adding to it .i tried to find a small freezer for her  room that we can store Ice in so that its readily accessible for her , but can't find a freezer small enough to fit ! she can also keep all her dbt worksheets etc in her box.  I also tried to find some dbt posters for the walls in her room , with inspirational  quotes but haven't found what I'm looking for yet .  I'm not convinced she's used anything from the box yet but she did at least come to the shops to select what she wanted in it. Also bought an exercise step machine that she can jump on in times of stress but she's not used it yet . Everything ideally needs to go into her room as its during the night when she's at her worst and also when her mood is low , she tends to withdraw to her room.  any other ideas for our box much appreciated  
I went along to the parents meeting tonight held as part of this iOP program , and as painful as it is to see other parents struggle too, there's a feeling of solidarity in knowing we aren't alone . What Is also apparent is that while these parents kids all have different diagnoses , the similarities are striking and self harm via cutting seems to be going on with ALL the kids regardless of diagnoses .