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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: I'm 100 percent sure she ain't coming back.  (Read 726 times)
FallBack!Monster
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« on: September 07, 2016, 08:58:16 PM »

Blame it on the pwoBPD
The title should be the new name for this site. It's all about validating the delusions of the people with BPD... .Parents, or romantic r/s.

If you're not a pwBPD, you can forget about getting replies to your post. Especially from the moderators.  

If they do reply, prepare yourself to be demolished. They take turns at making you seem like a complete failure for loving a person with an illness you can't see, until way after you've in too deep.

The motto here, let's cheer for our brothers and sisters with the PDs.  Egg them on to continue the behavior.  Make him her feel special by filling their heads up with hateful lies and let's get back at all the normal people by brain washing them into believing they are jerks for being soldiers. Yeah right!

Oh and btw, can you donate to our cause so we can successfully continue validation lies? NO!  What do I look like given my financial info to a site that did everything they could to make me feel worse than I did before I came here looking for support. Thank God I have friends here. If I really had been a total basket case, I would have ended up in a bad place here.

If anyone gets to read this before it is taken down. If you don't suffer with a PD, RUN from here. This is a cheerleading group for people with PDs.

Moderators, please spell check the wording in the so called tools. Thanks.
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lostnlonelydee

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« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2016, 10:59:54 PM »

I haven't been here long, but it doesn't seem that way to me... .:/
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Mars22
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« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2016, 01:04:18 AM »

Back2me16. I'm just a regular  guy, Not a moderator. Your apparent frustration perplexes me but,  please correct me if I'm wrong here. You;re upset because you feel that the site panders to pWBPD?... .and that we give them a 'free pass' to be the way they are? And to not be held responsible?

Oddly, i thought once too that, we all on here are accepting their behaviors, learning compassion and moving on. While that may be true, we can move on, they can't. We grow and learn while they sadly are stuck repeating the same old habits. One near really knows B2ME16, I can;t say i'm still healed completely but , i too questioned the motives here on this site. But found the deer i dug in this VAST forum, the more learned... .and I'm still learning... We all are, and we all will... until the we can walk w/o the crutches this site provides most. We are paying for the crutches. 

I'd say having been on/off here for 6 months now that, WE are all in some way vulnerable and fragile and yes, may be suffering from some kind of mental breakdown. But, if you;re on here long enough and read the posts , you perhaps can see a trend. A trend that, sadly is a pattern. A pattern of behavior observed by people who were in love with 'somebody' who, rather briskly ran away from them and from that LOVE without any rational explanation. Can this 'pattern' of behavior happen between two 'normal' people in relationship? Yes, it can but. My experience is that , in here on BPD Family... .we all have had traumatic experiences, and endings with our exes leaving with no real explanation ? Also, our observations of the 'discard' are somewhat uncanny in their similarities, and the behaviors of our exes. Can you relate to these posts? Is that your experience?

All that being said.  We are all in some way carrying around some mental anguish in here... certainly... call it what you will but, losing somebody so suddenly and without explanation? a loved one , a wife, a future wife, a best friend... that sudden lose {for most] is very painful... disordered or not.

Nobody will will take down this post because you are angry. I hope you can let us know the full details so we can more fully relate. You seem angry right now, and thats ok.

I hope we can help you.
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Pretty Woman
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The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2016, 01:10:05 AM »

I haven't agreed with every word that has been spoken on this site (in response to my posts) but I don't feel the moderators are lifting up persons with PD's. Many moderators have been directly affected by a BPD (or two, or three).


If you are looking for someone to tell you the person with BPD should be condemned to He- - you are not going to find that here.

We are only responsible for our own actions and if we chose to stay in a abusive situation we made that choice, there are deeper issues at play. I was treated like garbage and I allowed it. Those are my issues I'm working out. Not fair to blame that on another, BPD or not.

While I respect your opinion and your right to vent it, in my experience on this site, your statements don't ring true for me.
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heartandwhole
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« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2016, 03:06:15 AM »

Hi Back2Me16,

It sounds like you feel angry and unsupported by the volunteers here on the site. I'm sorry that that has been your experience. In your shoes, I'd feel really frustrated and hurt. I can understand how encouraging members to take responsibility for their part in the drama can sometimes seem like fault-finding, and compassion for pwBPD can appear as if members are advocating enabling bad behavior. One thing I think we can all agree on is that this stuff is incredibly hard to deal with.

Tell us more about what's going on with you. The title of your post is "I'm 100 percent sure she ain't coming back." What's happening?

heartandwhole


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When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
FallBack!Monster
Formerly AudB73, Back2Me16
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« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2016, 06:17:02 AM »

... .wow
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Cleanglass
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« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2016, 01:00:58 PM »

Being angry with an ex, regardless of their condition, will only prolong the feelings of a break-up.

I can see that I missed a lot of signs during the relationship and I felt pretty stupid for it and that made me angry. The best thing you can do now is learn from the situation and then become more self-aware so that you can do the things you've wanted to do with your life.

Towards the end of my relationship I was planning things to do with my life. I thought I was pretty strong in planning to leave and make a start of my new life. Turns out it's not the simple. Two attempts of wanting to take my life (but not quite following it through) later and I realised I'm someone with out him.

So are you.

Find something instead of someone worth living for and let the rest fall into place.
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myself
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« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2016, 03:24:24 PM »

The few times I've seen pwBPD posting here, and actually admitting they are a pwBPD, they've been chased away pretty quickly, shutting down that side of the conversation/ possible perspective.
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lovenature
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« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2016, 12:33:01 PM »

They can come back at any point from what I have lived and learned.

What is your story?

How about you keep reading and learning? I have found this site to be excellent with lots of knowledgeable people helping each other through what many consider the worst thing that ever happened to them.
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steelwork
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« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2016, 12:54:46 PM »

This reminds me of a bet my friend made with his brother when they were kids. He bet his brother $100 that he would have a 100-foot banana tree before he died. Now--how you gonna collect on that bet?
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