lost and alone

[mummydearest]

my daughter was recently diagnosed with BPD and turned 18. things were ok for a bit but now they have gotten rough. she doesn't want to be an adult, and doesn't act like one. so of course when i try to talk to her about things her BPD comes into play. i don't know how to talk to her or make sense with her. i am a single parent with no family here. figured i'd reach out and find someone. just lost and alone. all i do is cry. please someone tell me it gets easier/better? something!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bright Day Mom]

Mummydearest, You are not alone with this struggle.  There are many of us here @BPD Fam that can relate. 

I have shed my fair share of tears too!  It's ok.  Communicating with our kids can be challenging, but it is possible.  I submerged myself after my D16 dx with as much information as I could.  Take a look at the tools and lessons on the right.  It is a great place to start your education.  You will learn how to communicate more effectively, listen w/empathy, how to react and be mindful among other things.

Are you or your d currently seeing a therapist?  Please know there is not judgment here, we're here to help

[mummydearest]

Yes, I found the workshops and have been reading and making notes. So much good info!

She was seeing a therapist, and the therapist was working with me as well some. My D recently lost her medical insurance and lost the appointment. Working to get her insurance back. Just trying to survive in the meantime.

Thank you. So glad I found this site.

[wendydarling]

Hi Mummydearest 

I'd like to join Bright Day Mom and welcome you to the parents board. I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry you feel lost and sad and what your dealing with. I hope you feel less lost having found us, you are not alone. I also reached out like you, last December, smartest move I have ever made and it's been so very helpful for me. I'm a single parent, my 28yr daughter was diagnosed last July, she commenced DBT a few months ago (waiting list) and is progressing well.  So yes it can get better, it is a journey. Like BDM I have submerged myself in the information and support here, - it's the best advice I can give you at this point, it's helped me understand BPD is a broad diagnosis and understand her perspective and make a positive difference and a change in my approach. We have both grown! Last year after hospitalisation (scary as we know) my daughter and I jointly arrived at a choice that her recovery is our top life priority, comes first. It may appear obvious, however with an emotional disorder everything is so overwhelming. Keeping life simple as possible and small steps forwards works for us. It was a powerful moment for daughter to accept she was not alone with her pain.

I'm sorry for the lapse in treatment, how's it going getting the insurance back on track?

Have you seen the recommended books, I started with Loving Someone with BPD, Stop Walking on Egg Shells  Book Reviews - Top Recommendations And here is a link to I don't have to make everything all better
I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better

Do you have friends you can talk to?

WDx

[mummydearest]

wendydarling,

thank you! i'm so glad i found you all as well. knowing that i'm not alone and there are others out there experiencing the same thing. i've been reading since joining yesterday and i'm feeling empowered with all the knowledge i've gained. a new perspective. i've also looked into DBT for my D. since her insurance is a mess right now, i've found several sites with some resources for the meantime.

Waiting to hear from the worker regarding the insurance. Not sure how long it's going to be.

I will definitely check out the books you mentioned, they sound good.

I do, but they all don't understand and have their own things going on.

Appreciate your words,

MummyD

[wendydarling]

Hi Mummydearest

You are most welcome    You are right, we are here to empower ourselves, learn and keep our spirits up - equivalent of understanding how a surgeon mends a broken leg, well kind of.

Are you in the US? I'm in the UK. Let us know how you get on sourcing DBT and insurance. Many here with experiences to share.

Is your daughter still in school?

WDx

[mummydearest]

WD,

Yes, we are in the US. (Slight obsession with all things UK  ) She did get her insurance back, so I'm working on getting her home health aide service reinstated. As much as she seemed to have a love/hate relationship with it, she clearly needs the assistance.  Haven't been able to find a solid DBT program that fits our schedule as of yet. She is still in school, last year.

MummyD

[Bright Day Mom]

Hi MummyD, glad to hear your d has reinstated insurance... .that's great!  I'm also in the states and my daughter had attended IOP (intensive outpatient Program), which was held after school.  The program actually picked up at school @1:30 or so, bring to IOP offices and then we parents would p/u @6 or so. Program was 5 days / wk and offered DBT, along with group therapy, medication group, etc.  Do you have a care manager who can help you navigate a new path?

I used to become extremely overwhelmed, anxious with all of this but I've learned one day a time, sometimes it even gets into shorter increments hrs,etc.  Slow and steady.  Let us know if we can help.