Messaging & replying after the fact

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

  Straight to the point. I was reading an article yesterday about bipolar II vs BPD etc.  Very interesting, however there was one part/chapter that got me. I focused on this bc it's something that I've been asking myself lately, why does she even bother to email me if she's moved on?  Also, why do I bother to reply?   Well, there was my answer. Paraphrasing, a feelings of obligation. At first I thought nah why would I feel obligated.  Once I was done reading I realized We had talks. I made promises and I always keep my promises.    Although consistency is not part of her repertoire, shame & guilt (hmm) is.

It prompt me to msg my ex. I asked and for 8 hrs no answer but then replied, maybe. Idk.  It makes sense!  

[FallBack!Monster]

  Straight to the point. I was reading an article yesterday about bipolar II vs BPD etc.  Very interesting, however there was one part/chapter that got me. I focused on this bc it's something that I've been asking myself lately, why does she even bother to email me if she's moved on?  Also, why do I bother to reply?   Well, there was my answer. Paraphrasing, a feelings of obligation. At first I thought nah why would I feel obligated.  Once I was done reading I realized We had talks. I made promises and I always keep my promises.    Although consistency is not part of her repertoire, shame & guilt (hmm) is.

It prompt me to msg my ex. I asked and for 8 hrs no answer but then replied, maybe. Idk.  It makes sense!  

[Mutt]

Hi FallBack!Monster,

why does she even bother to email me if she's moved on?

I was confused with this too. It's for attention - to validate that there's an attachment still there with you. There's a long period after the break-up were we felt hurt and we were trying to hurt each other.

It took work and with help members here, I wanted to get to a place were I didn't care if she moved on or not, I wanted to move on and live my life without her. She'll bait from time to time to get attention but I'll validate what is valid and not validate the invalid. I'm not her soother.

[FallBack!Monster]

I wasn't in anyway implying that reaching out to someone for feelings of  obligation was good or healthy. In fact, it is an insult to me. Listen, we aaallll want attention from a romantic attachment or partner. That's not a bad thing.

But if you feel obligated to do something bc you care about that person that's a good thing. But if you're just wanting to know if you still have that person hooked, in this case I'm going to use a funny expression a friend of mine uses, the devil is your father.  However, I replied bc I cared about that woman. I didn't know she was this lost. Believe me, red flags, imperfections and all, i didn't think she was that gone.

At first, I use to msg her all the time. I wanted or needed answers. She used the old projection routine and  accused me of seeking attention. Lol.  It's funny bc at that time I didn't know she had decided to move on. Thought it was just another episode of the push/pull. Until it became real to me that she had left for good.

About validating and invalidating. I have not learn how to agree with something I don't agree with and not sure if I ever will. However, when I'm upset I'm an a$$. Otherwise, I'm a sweetheart which is one of the things she hated mostly about me... .The sweetheart part.
Mutt
I do understand your point.