At a loss for words

[FallBack!Monster]

 
Been sitting in this email for a couple days now. Didn't know if to open it or not. Well I did. Now im stuck.

My ex emails me and apologized for all that I blamed her for. Any pain she's put me through. Said she never meant to hurt me and that her emotions consumed her. She couldn't stand to see me anymore. She regrets trying as hard as she did. Something about making matters worse when her intentions were otherwise. My ex also admitted to not being able to keep any real contact with me bc it wasn't healthy or healing. Her words were all-over the place. She stated that she doesn't know what else to say to me and she now agrees with all who believe she needed to be knocked off her high horse.  Also something that is just lingering in my head, maybe not in this life time. Maybe in a past life time, but if you are all going through this much trouble to make me suffer, I am. So maybe I do deserve it and didn't know it. Then said, this msg is my goodbye and I will leave you all to your lives. I'm sorry I wasn't the person you thought I was. But please don't waste anymore of your time on me. I'm really not worth it. 

Nothing to reply to but it leaves me wondering, if she really feels this way why even bother to express it?
Does she really feel this way or is it just another bait?

[heartandwhole]

Does she really feel this way or is it just another bait?

Hi FallBack,

I would assume that she felt that way when she wrote it. How do you feel? Do you feel a bit of relief or closure from this message?

[FallBack!Monster]

Does she really feel this way or is it just another bait?

Hi FallBack,

I would assume that she felt that way when she wrote it. How do you feel? Do you feel a bit of relief or closure from this message?

I wld probably never feel closure. But who cares. The show must go on. Right?

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi FBM-

I agree with heartandwhole, she meant it when she wrote it.  A little curious that she said this msg is my goodbye and I will leave you all to your lives; was it a blanket email to many people?  In any case it sounds like a borderline feeling shame, feeling abandoned and in need of an attachment, so reach out looking for signs an attachment is still in place with someone, anyone.

But the whole thing shows a different person than you've been describing her as lately FBM, not uncharacteristic of a person with unstable affect and a lack of a real self of her own, someone with the disorder, and I too ask does this help you and/or change your perception?  And then, just as important, how does it impact your resolve to detach?  Having read it, do you feel a pull towards her?

[FallBack!Monster]

 
I tool it as she was referring to my family. I also noticed she's feeling like a victim. Maybe she wants me to think that. But I sensed blame. Change my perception of what? Or who? I'm not confused of who she is. I was confused about who I was  or am to her.
No other thoughts about that are coming to me atm. Hope I was helpful enough.

So let me ask you this. I lost my book with all my pw and other info... .If I don't log on for 14 days my acct is cancelled, correct?

[fromheeltoheal]

Change my perception of what? Or who? I'm not confused of who she is. I was confused about who I was  or am to her.
No other thoughts about that are coming to me atm. Hope I was helpful enough.

So has that email cleared up the confusion about who you were or are to her, or has it made it more confusing?

So let me ask you this. I lost my book with all my pw and other info... .If I don't log on for 14 days my acct is cancelled, correct?

Same as before, you can send a personal message to a moderator requesting your account be closed, and it will be in 14 days providing you don't post in that time.