Help me understand please

[Dontknow88]

Ok I get the whole was in a great relationship and ended over night thing that usually happens when in a relationship with a BPD person.

I think I basically answered my own question in to first sentence but I'll ask just to get a better understanding. My ex moved on really fast ("with a friend", he seems happy doing some things with her that we planned to do (I don't want him back anymore cause what Comes to mind when I think of him is how belittling he is and how things ended horribly).  is this going to crash horribly one day too?

Where my mind is weather she deserves it or not I wouldn't wish that to happen to anyone. It's terrible. But I see the pattern and how he acts. Intense feelings then nothing.   

[kentavr3]

so? What do you want to understand? Nobody normal could understand this. Cluster B is very complicated. go to NO contact with him. Read about this disorder or Narciss Disorder. Be careful about a new relationships. You 'll have a pattern to be involved to the same type person right after this relationship. Just grow by knowledge.

[Dontknow88]

so? What do you want to understand? Nobody normal could understand this. Cluster B is very complicated. go to NO contact with him. Read about this disorder or Narciss Disorder. Be careful about a new relationships. You 'll have a pattern to be involved to the same type person right after this relationship. Just grow by knowledge.

My question is, is his new GF most likely his next horrible ending.

I can go low contact but I can't go No contact cause we have a son.


Thank you for the relationship advice.

[JQ]

DK88,

I'm sorry that you have to maintain LC because of your child that you share. I would recommend the coparenting section of the forums to help with those dynamics you experience on a constant basis. The ex-husband of my exBPDgf is in the same boat you are. I heard from her how "bad a person he was" all the time. But he moved on, found a good woman with 2 kids of her own and they now have a blended family after they got married. I think once he got married her rages & dysregulation seem to change a little to not harassing him so much. But it's hard to say that would happen in your case and I am in no way suggesting that you go get married to try it out. Everyone is different & behaves in different ways especially someone with a Cluster B Mental Illness. As we've all learned someone with BPD is impossible to anticipate their behavior from a certain action or a series of actions so walk softly and maintain that LC.

As far as your exBPD ex moving in or on with someone else & what to expect like their r/s crashing. You've been on the boards awhile, you've have read more than a couple of stories. Those with BPD will implode again & again & again, it's NOT a matter of IF but WHEN!   BPD behaviors are for the most part an endless loop cycle and it's up to YOU to remove yourself from it.

Now it's not about him, it's about YOU & YOUR feelings!  Take a deep breath. Take your son out for a walk, a mile or so. Be sure you're eating right, getting the sleep your body needs to repair itself & to take on the mental & physical challenges of the next day. Be sure to get out and laugh. Call an old friend you haven't talked to in some time and get caught up. It's food for the soul. Take some me time and go to a comedy show with some friends and laugh. Laughter will truly help set you in a better frame of mind. Watch the comedy channel with a couple of friends with a glass of wine or two.  And seek out a good therapist who is an expert in BPD/Codependent r/s to help you sort through your emotions and feelings. You're going to need it to get through this section of the recovery AND to help you manage his behavior because of the LC you have because of your son.

And then come here as often as you need to or as often as you want to to vent, bounce ideas off like you are. It's somewhat therapeutic and we'll be here to support you any time of the day or night. 

J

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Dk-

is this going to crash horribly one day too?

Relationships with borderlines go through a progression; have you read this?

And then, we wonder, if the new relationship doesn't crash and burn, was it us?  Could we have done something better or differently?  Normal thought processes, especially when our self esteem has been eroded by someone with a mental illness, and it's helpful to go back to how belittling he is and how things ended horribly and decide that whether she's experiencing those things or not, you won't tolerate them in your life any longer, under any circumstances, yes?

[Dontknow88]

DK88,

I'm sorry that you have to maintain LC because of your child that you share. I would recommend the coparenting section of the forums to help with those dynamics you experience on a constant basis. The ex-husband of my exBPDgf is in the same boat you are. I heard from her how "bad a person he was" all the time. But he moved on, found a good woman with 2 kids of her own and they now have a blended family after they got married. I think once he got married her rages & dysregulation seem to change a little to not harassing him so much. But it's hard to say that would happen in your case and I am in no way suggesting that you go get married to try it out. Everyone is different & behaves in different ways especially someone with a Cluster B Mental Illness. As we've all learned someone with BPD is impossible to anticipate their behavior from a certain action or a series of actions so walk softly and maintain that LC.

As far as your exBPD ex moving in or on with someone else & what to expect like their r/s crashing. You've been on the boards awhile, you've have read more than a couple of stories. Those with BPD will implode again & again & again, it's NOT a matter of IF but WHEN~!   BPD behaviors are for the most part an endless loop cycle and it's up to YOU to remove yourself from it.

Now it's not about him, it's about YOU & YOUR feelings!  Take a deep breath. Take your son out for a walk, a mile or so. Be sure you're eating right, getting the sleep your body needs to repair itself & to take on the mental & physical challenges of the next day. Be sure to get out and laugh. Call an old friend you haven't talked to in some time and get caught up. It's food for the soul. Take some me time and go to a comedy show with some friends and laugh. Laughter will truly help set you in a better frame of mind. Watch the comedy channel with a couple of friends with a glass of wine or two.  And seek out a good therapist who is an expert in BPD/Codependent r/s to help you sort through your emotions and feelings. You're going to need it to get through this section of the recovery AND to help you manage his behavior because of the LC you have because of your son.

And then come here as often as you need to or as often as you want to to vent, bounce ideas off like you are. It's somewhat therapeutic and we'll be here to support you any time of the day or night. 

J

J!

I want to thank you, this made me tear up a bit. I will surly take ALL your advice. Thank you, thank you, thank you!.