replacement 15 months in and going strong

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

My replacement is 15 months with npd/ BPD xw. At my 15 month mark I saw her mask slip more than once. I did some stupid things but the punishment didn't fit the crime. I was also out of work at the time but I didn't lay around all day and I worked every chance I could. I have never been lazy, only been out of work a couple of times but I always did something. Xw hated my family, had left me a couple of times and I never knew why. Xw was bashing my family all the time. My replacement seems to be going full guns, they do lots of things together that we never did, she married me but never wanted me, I was driven into a very bad mental breakdown and xw took every opportunity to crush me. Xw is involved in her bf family, visits them, has s9 involved in with bf's family. At my 15 month she said my family wasn't allowed in our house, that if we ever had children my family wasn't allowed near them, we were never to have children until I promised my family would have no part in our children's life. She denies ever saying this. But she and s9 are very involved in bf's family. High functioning npd/BPD must have a different program for everyone. At 9 months I was being devalued at 15 months xw and bf are still on the honey moon.

[bus boy]

My replacement is 15 months with npd/ BPD xw. At my 15 month mark I saw her mask slip more than once. I did some stupid things but the punishment didn't fit the crime. I was also out of work at the time but I didn't lay around all day and I worked every chance I could. I have never been lazy, only been out of work a couple of times but I always did something. Xw hated my family, had left me a couple of times and I never knew why. Xw was bashing my family all the time. My replacement seems to be going full guns, they do lots of things together that we never did, she married me but never wanted me, I was driven into a very bad mental breakdown and xw took every opportunity to crush me. Xw is involved in her bf family, visits them, has s9 involved in with bf's family. At my 15 month she said my family wasn't allowed in our house, that if we ever had children my family wasn't allowed near them, we were never to have children until I promised my family would have no part in our children's life. She denies ever saying this. But she and s9 are very involved in bf's family. High functioning npd/BPD must have a different program for everyone. At 9 months I was being devalued at 15 months xw and bf are still on the honey moon.

[Infern0]

Firstly you don't know what is going on behind closed doors, trust me they are the masters of social media PR.

My replacement and my ex were engaged and happy and going to live the rest of their life together, 12 months later he's in a box in the ground.

[JQ]

BB,

Inferno is correct ... .you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. You've been here in the forums for awhile with over 300 post so you've read the stories of recycle after recycle. You've read story after story of the closed loop behavior of someone who has BPD. So what makes you think this one will be any different? Don't beat yourself up here, this is very VERY important to your own mental health.

YOU need to concentrate on YOUR mental well being!  YOU need to concentrate on your healing and moving forward. YOU need to look inward and be honest with yourself as to why you might be a NON. Then you can truly learn to move forward and learn what a healthy r/s is and live a very, VERY happy life & explore YOUR life as much as you can!

This isn't about her ... .this is NOW and ALWAYS has been about YOU!  Take a deep breath and know we're here to support you in your journey!

J

[bus boy]

Thanks JQ and infernO, I needed to hear that. A person doesn't wake up one day and decide to start emotionally abusing.

[Pretty Woman]

Or stop. It's wired in them. Don't judge based on what YOU see. Think back to when you were together. Did everyone know how bad it was? Probably not, right?

Don't judge their success/failures on your relationship. It was bad news right? You deserve better regardless of their situation.

[bus boy]

I tried to tell people how bad it was but they said stop complaining, you have a good woman. On the outside it looked good, people saw nice but I saw how phony she could be it was confusing. Xw would twist my words up get me confused in the conversation than call me lier. I would be scratching my head wondering what the hell just happened. That's right Pretty Woman that behavior doesn't stop. Xw can emotionally abuse you and it will be a few days before you realize but it happens so much that the brain after a while can't keep up with the processing. My brain was in a constant state of processing.

[valet]

Hey bus boy, it's a bummer that your ex treated you that way. I can see why you might be interested in her current relationship.

But do you really need to know? Or perhaps stated more directly: do you really need to care?

It sounds like you're worried about your ex's son. Were the two of you close?

[enlighten me]

Hi bus boy as others have stated looks can be deceiving. It may not be going as well as you think. He may be more of a walkovee than you and be miserable. He could be more controlling than youand she is unhappy. You never know what goes on behind closed doors.


It seems to me that yiur having more of a problem rationalising what you want. I also went through this. I wanted my exgf to want me back even though i didnt want to be with her. Maybe it was due to my fragile ego not coping with her not wanting me or maybe part of me was holding onto hope that she could change.

I had to accept that she is who she is and we are just not compatible. I never want to be in a situation where I am treated like I was ever again and with her it wouldnt be long before I was. I constantly focused on the bad and any good parts I saw as her selfishness. If she was happy then things where good and I could only be happy if she was.

[Turkish]

Counting when she was living with me leading a double life,  it took two years into their r/s for her to start severely devaluing him, only 3 months after they got married and started cohabitation.  6 months later,  he gets cuffed by the cops when she called 911 on his brother.  I saw them two weeks later at a wedding.  All seemed normal. Two months later,  she assaulted him.  Still,  the facade of normalcy is presented to the world,  and I only know because we have kids and I'm nice to her (she volunteers too much info,  but I'll never say that).

No one knows the full story except me, and I wouldn't know unless she hadn't volunteered it.  Looks can definitely be deceiving.  As enlighten me says, I also wouldn't want to be in a situation where I was treated like that again.  What about you? 

[prettykitty]

I'm sure if my ex's ex saw pictures of me and him (which she may have on social media) or heard about us through mutual friends (which she may have since she still was friend's with his cousin and we ran into her friends a few times and she stays in touch with a couple of his friends), she would have been saying,"My ex and his replacement are 15 months and going strong."   But guess what? We were 15 months and not going strong. 

We were 15 months and going insane.  We would go to festivals together, and he would ruin them with his accusations and horrible behavior.  I would cry my eyes out (yet still take him back, good lord).  He would post a picture of the festival and remark how it was the best experience of his life, blah blah blah.  Really?  THAT was a BEST experience?  It ended horribly! 

So you just don't know if the replacement is seeing the true colors yet or just glimpses of the nightmare or is still being deceived.  But you can pretty much rest assured that the replacement isn't getting that perfect version of your ex that you hoped to get.  Some people will have their own issues which allow for the monsters to get away with more for a longer time.  Maybe they will finally meet someone who will just put up with it, but will they actually be happy?  nah. 

[prettykitty]

and to add to my previous comment... .

My ex was with his ex for three years. From what I can peice together from their twitter accounts (people really need to delete stuff) and from what he told me, She went through what I went through but put up with it for three years.   I somehow thought I would be different.  BUt a year and a half was enough of a loss of life for me, and I got out before more time went by.  But I could easily have stayed. 
His ex before the last ex was ten years!  And he ended up cheating on her after using her for all those years for a place to live and money.  From what he told me about THAT relationship, I should have known he is a man of low character.  But they are good at making it look like all the problems were with the ex and not them, aren't they?

He moved from one relationship to the other very quickly.  So I am sure any day now I will see or hear how he is living with some new love of his life.  I hope I don't see or hear that, but I may somehow.  I have blocked him out of my life, but I suppose I could still somehow find out.  I am sure my replacement will be in full effect, going strong soon, and they will seem super happy, and she will probably think she is so lucky to get this cool, wonderful guy who happens to have crazy, "slutty" ex grilfriends.  But in reality, he is a monster who had nice ex girlfriends who tried to love him but got suckered in and trapped in a world of crazy-making.

[Rickybee]

"But they are good at making it look like all the problems were with the ex and not them, aren't they?

But in reality, he is a monster who had nice ex girlfriends who tried to love him but got suckered in and trapped in a world of crazy-making."

[/quote

So true... so unfair... .I was the innocent loving unsuspecting victim... yet she had to lie to have excuses for doing what she did to me to her enablers and my replacement... I did nothing wrong and thought everything was going well, she acted fine right up to the sudden discard and betrayal... talked about having kids soon and buying out first home together... this was in the week leading up... she had been having an affair at work for a few months, and i now believe cheated on me multiple times during our 4 years together, but her... never got a sorry... she messaged me recently wishing me well as if we are friends... after ghosting for 1.3years, in the end... i never knew who i was in a relationship with for 4 years... the person i seen at the end i had never met before, it was like her personality had completly switched into somebody else, this is because she was idealizing my replacement, becoming obsessed with him, copying his humour, his interests, him completely... .i was suddenly nothing... but her lying in the build up had me confused thinking we were happy and ok... be strong folks i feel reasonably ok and can see abit clearer in the knowledge ive found on here and various sites, to the new comers... it does get easier but unfortunately you have to ride out the crippling stage and process all the emotional abuse, shock and trauma i your head... i felt like i ws having a mental breakdown for the first 8 months... .i just couldn't understand it all... thru reading lots about personality disorders its been quite good therapy, putting some understanding to the whole experience has really helped me to heal, hope that is helpful

[bus boy]

What it boiles down to, it really doesn't matter. I wouldn't want to live like that ever again. If they are happy or not is not my concern. I know what she did to me. I know the roll I played. In this most horrible of r/s's. I couldn't cope, I didn't know how to react. It was a mind boggling merry go round of twisted words and emotional and verbal abuse. When xw was getting her way she was finest kind but when she sunk her teeth in something she didn't let go. She was very selfish.