BPD always getting wrongfully called NPD?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Has anyone else noticed that when you look for helpfull videos on BPD there is hardly anything yet youtube seems to be obsessed with diagnosing anyone with cluster B issues as a "narcissist"

I mean you listen to these guys stories and they are clearly talking about a borderline but they say "my narcissist ex" etc

This leads me to a point about the level of ignorance in the youtube self help community regarding cluster B relationships

It seems to me like all these people want to do is complain endlessly about their ex.

I get that in the initial stages this has to happen but as soon as possible they should move on to the self reflection/ introspection stage.

I seen dudes on there and it's been YEARS since the breakup and they are still pumping out misinformed crap about "narcissism" with not one look in the mirror.

It makes me sad for people, I mean I know what it's like to get stuck but you gave to acknowledge your own issues and roll your sleeves up at some stage or your never going to recover

[Infern0]

Has anyone else noticed that when you look for helpfull videos on BPD there is hardly anything yet youtube seems to be obsessed with diagnosing anyone with cluster B issues as a "narcissist"

I mean you listen to these guys stories and they are clearly talking about a borderline but they say "my narcissist ex" etc

This leads me to a point about the level of ignorance in the youtube self help community regarding cluster B relationships

It seems to me like all these people want to do is complain endlessly about their ex.

I get that in the initial stages this has to happen but as soon as possible they should move on to the self reflection/ introspection stage.

I seen dudes on there and it's been YEARS since the breakup and they are still pumping out misinformed crap about "narcissism" with not one look in the mirror.

It makes me sad for people, I mean I know what it's like to get stuck but you gave to acknowledge your own issues and roll your sleeves up at some stage or your never going to recover

[Hlinthewiking]

Narcissism is a characteristic to the whole Cluster B, including BPD. NPD is a personality disorder on it's own, but NPD and BPD share characteristics that include lack of empathy and narcissism. Histrionics are narcissists as well for example. Does it make sense?

[neverloveagain]

My ex was comorbid here's a useful video to watch if you can't watch the whole thing skip to 19 mins in. https://youtu.be/Oe3PZv0MS7o

[enlighten me]

The thing is a little bit of knowledge can be dangerous. When I split with my ex wife I thought she was HPD. It was one of the first things I came across and it fitted a lot of her behaviour. I took the boys to a T and after hearing their story he thought their mum was possibly NPD. It was only after I filled in the gaps for him and she put a statement into court claiming he had said stuff about me which he wrote a letter for the court denying her comments that he thought tha BPD was a strong possibility.

These people are probably in the begining of their quest for answers and have jumped on the first thing that seems to fit what they have been going through.

[earlgrey]

I don't know about you guys, but I am just a (non medical) guy dealing with a very difficult r/s.

That much we are probably all OK with, then comes the desire for explanations and to put names on things. Our reading comes up with traits that we do or do not associate with our own personal situations. And much of the cluster B stuff seems relevant.

I liked the Youtube vid. That came up with something I had been struggling with. My SO has N and B traits, but SV (in the vid) gave an example of a borderline who once in the r/s used narcissistic type defences. That would explain much of my stuff.

It is all very difficult and fluid, and I think getting 'clear' understandings, at least as much as possible, is a part of healing.

[VitaminC]

This leads me to a point about the level of ignorance in the youtube self help community regarding cluster B relationships

Is this somewhere where a helpful comment pointing to one of the articles here might be useful to at least some of the people who end up watching those videos as they, perhaps desperately, seek the same answers that brought many of us to this site?

It makes me sad for people, I mean I know what it's like to get stuck but you gave to acknowledge your own issues and roll your sleeves up at some stage or your never going to recover

True. Self-reflection is not an easy to do. It's good that this is what this community is about and for those that are prepared to do the work, the pay-off is great!

[heartandwhole]

Hi Infern0,

I hadn't noticed it, and haven't been looking on the web recently for explanations. I think the whole concept of narcissism is a hot topic these days anyway, with the rapid evolution of social networking, so it doesn't surprise me that people will be quick to slap that label on even sub-clinical behavior.

I don't know if you've seen this article on the differences between NPD and BPD?

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=90388.0

From my understanding, it's not that uncommon for people with BPD/traits to also exhibit some NPD traits.

heartandwhole

[C.Stein]

We all exhibit traits of personality disorders ... .each and every one of us.  If we didn't we wouldn't have a personality at all.  

Labels are unimportant here.  What is important is how the behavior of another person has impacted you personally and how you may have contributed to that.

[once removed]

it highlights the challenges that professionals with decades of experience have in making a formal diagnosis.

our own experience is generally limited to this one person, who we were in a romantic relationship with and in most cases we have limited knowledge of their past history, overall life functioning, and other interpersonal relationships. inherently, we have several biases. one of those biases is that we experienced hurtful and abusive behavior and that behavior is filtered through our perception and how we were wounded. it doesnt seem like a stretch to go from "he/she was selfish/self centered/self absorbed and therefore narcissistic." and doing so may make us feel better - a powerful motivator to overdiagnose our exes.

from: https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder

It often takes a professional a lot of time to sort through this - it will likely take you time, too.

Does it Really Matter It does. The behaviors exhibited during a relationship for all of these afflictions can look somewhat alike but the driving forces and the implications can be very different. For example, was that lying predatory (as in ASPD), ego driven (as in NPD), defensive (as in BPD), a result of being out of control (as in alcoholism), or social ineptitude (as in Aspergers). Was it situational, episodic (bipolar), or has it been chronic. Yes, all lying is bad, but the ways to handle it and the prognosis is not the same in all situations.

in addition, the label matters insofar as what we do with it. if we use it to paint our ex black, broken and hopeless, and absolve ourselves of any responsibility, its not going to get us anywhere. if we feel less alone, come to better understand our unique relationship struggles, and ultimately depersonalize the behaviors (which learning about them helps with), it will take us far.

obviously what many of us seek is an understanding of what we have been through, and in achieving an accurate and balanced picture, as well as going on to have healthier relationships, it behooves us to become a bit more educated about human nature and psychology. unfortunately the internet is full of bait and misinformation (as heartandwhole mentioned, narcissism is a hot topic, when i check out Psychology Today for example, the top trending articles are usually about "how to spot one", and id encourage everyone to be wary when it comes to sam vaknin), and it can be tricky territory to navigate. these are all very different disorders, with very different origins, very different core fears, triggers and responses, and of course they are all on a spectrum of severity. while there may be overlap and comorbidity among personality disorders, its also important to remember that most of us were dealing with a subclinical person, and that the issues we brought into the relationship played a big role in the breakdown, and the wounds we are trying to heal.