The compulsive lies...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Ok I had the biggest one since I've been dating my non diagnosed girlfriend of a year and 5 months... So I'm driving on my way to work mind you I dropped her off at home about 3 hours before hand... I'm driving to work and she screen shots this girl asking me who she was... my first reaction was where in the heck did she get the picture from since Im not on facebook much because of work so I'm not sure where she found it... but I explained to her she was a friend from church... So shes like OH...

Then this is the shocker... she calls me up but sends a text first telling me she got some message on facebook saying she heard I was trying to get back with my ex and I'm like who would say that... I told her that's not true nor would I ever want to get back with her... So I got around asking her who it was and this is where her lies started to fall apart... She tried to say the name but was not saying it right... I asked her to spell it and she refused... I asked for the last name she refused... meanwhile for both she kept trying to change the subject... but what was funny was she said she just blocked the user and deleted the message but somehow she was able to tell me the mutual friends... .? huh? After all that I figured she just made it up (I have no clue why)

I know you guys are going to cringe on this but I finally got her to delete her dating profile... Im not sure if she forgot she had a card open on her phone but I saw it (her pictures were hidden) but I pretty much told her to delete it right now in front of me... which she did... Another thing on Instangram... posting pictures to try to get guys reactions... most are like good morning beautiful or guys that have been on before that shes flirted with... So I started posting some direct things she was quick to respond but when I got home (hours later) she finally responded back to my messages as they were mostly babe this and that... just in case she was saying something different.

She tried to turn my friend's girlfriend around on me by making me seem to be the bad guy as you know she always shows the good side to them... the biggest thing was she wanted to quit her job at her location and she was going to move here... she would of made more per hour here... but at the last min she decided to back out and stay... so guess what happen... the manager that she would always complain to me about... well they cut another one of her days so now shes only working 3 days a week down from 6.

I can't say for sure what other lies I've heard but yesterday was the biggest one I've heard from her but she had nothing to back it up with.

[alwaysloving]

Ok I had the biggest one since I've been dating my non diagnosed girlfriend of a year and 5 months... So I'm driving on my way to work mind you I dropped her off at home about 3 hours before hand... I'm driving to work and she screen shots this girl asking me who she was... my first reaction was where in the heck did she get the picture from since Im not on facebook much because of work so I'm not sure where she found it... but I explained to her she was a friend from church... So shes like OH...

Then this is the shocker... she calls me up but sends a text first telling me she got some message on facebook saying she heard I was trying to get back with my ex and I'm like who would say that... I told her that's not true nor would I ever want to get back with her... So I got around asking her who it was and this is where her lies started to fall apart... She tried to say the name but was not saying it right... I asked her to spell it and she refused... I asked for the last name she refused... meanwhile for both she kept trying to change the subject... but what was funny was she said she just blocked the user and deleted the message but somehow she was able to tell me the mutual friends... .? huh? After all that I figured she just made it up (I have no clue why)

I know you guys are going to cringe on this but I finally got her to delete her dating profile... Im not sure if she forgot she had a card open on her phone but I saw it (her pictures were hidden) but I pretty much told her to delete it right now in front of me... which she did... Another thing on Instangram... posting pictures to try to get guys reactions... most are like good morning beautiful or guys that have been on before that shes flirted with... So I started posting some direct things she was quick to respond but when I got home (hours later) she finally responded back to my messages as they were mostly babe this and that... just in case she was saying something different.

She tried to turn my friend's girlfriend around on me by making me seem to be the bad guy as you know she always shows the good side to them... the biggest thing was she wanted to quit her job at her location and she was going to move here... she would of made more per hour here... but at the last min she decided to back out and stay... so guess what happen... the manager that she would always complain to me about... well they cut another one of her days so now shes only working 3 days a week down from 6.

I can't say for sure what other lies I've heard but yesterday was the biggest one I've heard from her but she had nothing to back it up with.

[livednlearned]

Hey MikeCL,

It sounds like she herself has a problem trusting others, pretty common for someone with BPD. She isn't sure she can trust you, and is trying to figure it out -- her strategies and tactics aren't great.

What do you think is really going on when she does this? Might help to focus on what's driving the behaviors, since focusing on the lie just perpetuates the feeling she isn't worthy, which pushes her away.

[Herodias]

Could be feeling insecure or could be projection- since you found her dating website. I made mine delete so many things- he accused me of cheating when he was. Just pay attention is all I'm saying. Even when you think they aren't doings things they still can be. Pay attention to the things you are accused of when there is no evidence whatsoever. What boundaries have you set up about lying and/or flirting with others?

[alwaysloving]

Sorry it took so long to get back she is very very very insecure...

This just happened 48 hours ago... I typed this on another site since that's where she was checking

Again she went on my phone while I was half sleep and when I woke up in the middle of the night she started saying stuff like I'm not trying to pressure you in getting engaged and what not and I was thinking thats odd... I brushed it off... So we talked a little in the morning  but long story short she always waits until I get all the way home (I live 36 miles away) then she brings up have you heard of this site called wedding bee and shes like I'm reading something funny and it sounds like you... so pretty much she must of copied the link and sent it to her and reading it.

So she says I was spreading lies about her she still lied to me again last night... she said this girl sent her a message on facebook she did not know how to say the name and she said she blocked the person... I was like well just spell the name first or last... she was unable to do so... but however she was able to see my mutual friends? So in the 2 paragraph long text she sends she says about how she was on my facebook looking at my friends list to see if she could find that person (what in the world?) and she said that's when she figured out that I'm unhappy or something like that... Both me and my mom already came to the conclusion that she lied about the story of this girl sent her a message... mind you I've never ever looked at her facebook friends list or emails.

Of course when I called her after she sent all the texts she was crying saying so that's how you really feel about me and so on maybe I should listen to them most of them were saying not to feel pressured or saying she was acting like a toddler or spoil brat.

[alwaysloving]

Sorry it took so long to get back she is very very very insecure...

This just happened 48 hours ago... I typed this on another site since that's where she was checking

Again she went on my phone while I was half sleep and when I woke up in the middle of the night she started saying stuff like I'm not trying to pressure you in getting engaged and what not and I was thinking thats odd... I brushed it off... So we talked a little in the morning  but long story short she always waits until I get all the way home (I live 36 miles away) then she brings up have you heard of this site called wedding bee and shes like I'm reading something funny and it sounds like you... so pretty much she must of copied the link and sent it to her and reading it.

So she says I was spreading lies about her she still lied to me again last night... she said this girl sent her a message on facebook she did not know how to say the name and she said she blocked the person... I was like well just spell the name first or last... she was unable to do so... but however she was able to see my mutual friends? So in the 2 paragraph long text she sends she says about how she was on my facebook looking at my friends list to see if she could find that person (what in the world?) and she said that's when she figured out that I'm unhappy or something like that... Both me and my mom already came to the conclusion that she lied about the story of this girl sent her a message... mind you I've never ever looked at her facebook friends list or emails.

Of course when I called her after she sent all the texts she was crying saying so that's how you really feel about me and so on maybe I should listen to them most of them were saying not to feel pressured or saying she was acting like a toddler or spoil brat.

[Duped 1]

You could go into her Facebook and see who she's blocked

[Healthy88]

Here is my take for what it is worth. Without trust a relationship can not survive long term. She apparently does not trust u, which may be all her issues. U also can not trust her. It doesn't get any better after marriage, usually only worse.

If things r this difficult this early in, why not let it go & find someone, uncomplicated that u can have fun with & trust?


Best of luck,
H88