How to cope with abusive behavior from my partner

[Dellabella]

 I'm not sure if there's a thread on here that already deals with the subject however since I'm new I just thought I would throw it out there

How do you deal with someone who is constant abuse that only verbally but also can be physical though never attacking me or my person however he throws my clothes out of my closet and kicks me out of his home or he throws away my personal files and belongings when I'm not home

 All locations he turns it around and gaslights me making me feel as if I've caused him to do these things or calls me accusatory and begins a fight with me rather than just merely having me understand  by way of explanation or even God for bid an apology

 He's an older man, I live in this home. I no longer work so  that at every turn he gives me also financial instability threatening to cut off my credit cards my health insurance, gas cards... .so I basically i am in the situation of financial dependency with a BPD Individual

 I only have myself to blame but that thought makes things even worse lately I've been finding myself becoming ill with many different ailments: acid reflux, esophogial lacerations, torn meniscus, torn labrum in my hip and I get flu every once in a while when I used not be ill ever!

I  need help I don't know were to turn to and I found you online by chance

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Dellabella,

I'm not sure if there's a thread on here that already deals with the subject however since I'm new I just thought I would throw it out there

I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Many of us share have similar stories but our personal experiences are unique to us, therefor different and it helps to share with people that can relate with you.

I would find that emotionally distressing, fearful and difficult to cope with when a partner acts out then blames you for their bad behavior or threatens to cut off support, that's called emotional blackmail or FOG ( Fear Obligation Guilt )

I'm glad that you decided to join us, it helps to talk. Are you seeing a T ( Therapist ) Do you have support in real life with family and friends? Do they understand what you're going through? A lot of the behavior from a pwBPD ( person with BPD ) is behind closed doors so not many people see the acting out and we can feel isolated when people don't understand what we're going through. You're not alone.

"FOG" - fear, obligation, guilt

[Dellabella]

Hello Sr Ambassador Mutt,
 I really have no idea if he has BPD but if it is not BPD he is certainly has no excuse to be treating me the way he does.
 Sometimes I ask myself something I'm doing is provoking him since that is exactly what he says that I am the one who makes him react that way.
he FOGS, gas lights and smoke and mirrors everything and replies with things like "don't read too much into it I just had some time on my hands and did some drawer cleaning " when he threw out some important papers I needed... .Really?My drawer. He has a whole house I have one drawer.
 I haven't started seeing a therapist I don't even know where to start. I thought of seeing someone who deals with family constellations or maybe someone who does sort of like energy healing because frankly I don't know where to start my story and a little bit afraid of telling my story over and over because we just go deeper and deeper into the same old same old.  Does that make any sense to you?
Thank you for taking the time to read my small cry for help.
Do u ever wonder why we ended up with people like these?
Thank you
D

[QBert]

I feel for your situation and there may be some hope.

Two resources I have found to be invaluable to me as s starting step are these books, I'd read them in this order:

1. "I hate you, Don't Leave me" by Kreisman and Straus
2. "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Mason and Kreger

I am convinced these books and the skills/tools they have taught me have had a huge, positive impact in our relationship.

[Dellabella]

Thank you Q,
I will look them both up asap.
I wonder if it's worth my health staying on... .

I feel for your situation and there may be some hope.

Two resources I have found to be invaluable to me as s starting step are these books, I'd read them in this order:

1. "I hate you, Don't Leave me" by Kreisman and Straus
2. "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Mason and Kreger

I am convinced these books and the skills/tools they have taught me have had a huge, positive impact in our relationship.