Back to this feeling...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

The last week or two have been going better for me, I have started feeling more like myself again, more keen to start working on a new project etc, at least until this morning.

Went to Pilates class as I've been doing for a couple of months now, and the instructor asked someone in the class about a woman my ex was briefly friends with through crossfit, and if crossfit had fixed her knee. The owner of said crossfit gym is the guy my ex chose to triangulate our relationship with (amongst others it would seem).

Immediately made me feel sad, but I tried to put it out of my head, forced myself to go get a haircut afterwards. Barber pointed out a bald patch behind my ear she says she has never seen before, and to get it checked out at the Dr if its doesn't improve.

Can't help thinking there is more bad luck coming my way, and all I want is to be happy again, just to catch a break for a change instead of having everything in my life turn to ___. I wish she cared, and I wish I could stop crying. It felt like I was finally getting there, but now I really feel like giving up. I hope this will pass.

[lostnlonelydee]

The last week or two have been going better for me, I have started feeling more like myself again, more keen to start working on a new project etc, at least until this morning.

Went to Pilates class as I've been doing for a couple of months now, and the instructor asked someone in the class about a woman my ex was briefly friends with through crossfit, and if crossfit had fixed her knee. The owner of said crossfit gym is the guy my ex chose to triangulate our relationship with (amongst others it would seem).

Immediately made me feel sad, but I tried to put it out of my head, forced myself to go get a haircut afterwards. Barber pointed out a bald patch behind my ear she says she has never seen before, and to get it checked out at the Dr if its doesn't improve.

Can't help thinking there is more bad luck coming my way, and all I want is to be happy again, just to catch a break for a change instead of having everything in my life turn to ___. I wish she cared, and I wish I could stop crying. It felt like I was finally getting there, but now I really feel like giving up. I hope this will pass.

[Larmoyant]

lostnlonelydee, it will pass, truly, but I understand how you feel. Detaching is really difficult, a roller coaster of emotions, good days and bad ones especially when triggered. Stress could be an explanation for your hair loss. I developed problems with my thyroid during the relationship, but it’s back to near normal functioning now. I’m sure it was a result of stress. Hang in there you’ll get back to how you were feeling again soon. Don’t give up these relationships are incredibly difficult to overcome, but you will.

[heartandwhole]

Hi lostnlonelydee,

I'm sorry you are struggling with your feelings today. I know how hard it is when they wash over you, after having felt better for awhile. It is a normal part of grieving; sometimes it feels like we have slid back to square one, but we really haven't. We're just processing another piece of the grief.  

If you can, ride the wave of sensations in your body. Let yourself cry when you feel safe to do so. Try not to let your mind make the sensations mean anything about your future. It's possible to feel what is coming up (in the body) without running a terrible story with it.

During my relationship and after the breakup, I experienced skin problems, weight loss, sleep disturbances, and back pain... .I'm sure there is more, but that's what I remember at the moment. I would not be surprised if your hair loss is connected to stress, as   Larmoyant pointed out. I think getting it checked is a good idea, regardless.

Hang in there, lost. Things really do get better. Unfortunately the only way out is through. We're here for you.  

heartandwhole

[Mutt]

Hi lostnlonelydee,



I'm sorry that you're going to a difficult time.

It felt like I was finally getting there, but now I really feel like giving up. I hope this will pass.

The time in between the setbacks will keep spacing out further and further as time goes on, also you'll find that you recover more quickly after each one. That is good to hear that you're going to pilates, it's important to take care of ourselves and to do self-care often, take really good care of yourself and hang in there.

[lostnlonelydee]

Thanks for all of your kind words, thoughts and suggestions. Still feeling a bit   but I won't give up. Kinda thought the crying and the longing was behind me, but I guess its not time yet. Writing her a goodbye letter I won't send tonight, its long overdue. Starting pilates twice a week at a new time slot from tomorrow morning, will try and make this a productive week ahead instead of curling into a ball