How long? Replacements & Reaching out patterns

[Depression = 72% of members]

I usually post in the detaching boards, but this might be a better place for this.

I've read as many topics on here regarding this matter as I could find, but thought an updated thread would be beneficial to me and some others on here.



Quite simple really. Just reply with an answer to each of the questions below... .


1. How long did your relationship with your ex last?

2. How long did it take for your ex to find someone new?

3. How long has your ex been with your replacement?

4. How long did it take for your ex to reach out to you?

5. What reason did they have for reaching out?


 

[Jeff26]

I usually post in the detaching boards, but this might be a better place for this.

I've read as many topics on here regarding this matter as I could find, but thought an updated thread would be beneficial to me and some others on here.



Quite simple really. Just reply with an answer to each of the questions below... .


1. How long did your relationship with your ex last?

2. How long did it take for your ex to find someone new?

3. How long has your ex been with your replacement?

4. How long did it take for your ex to reach out to you?

5. What reason did they have for reaching out?


 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jeff26]

1. How long did your relationship with your ex last?

About 14 months



2. How long did it take for your ex to find someone new?

She started flirting with him 1 month after our breakup; referred to him as her Boyfriend 3 months after break up.



3. How long has your ex been with your replacement?

In total, they have been together for 6-7 months now.




4. How long did it take for your ex to reach out to you?

She has yet to contact me.



5. What reason did they have for reaching out?


N/a

[chapter100]

1. How long did your relationship with your ex last?

Two years

2. How long did it take for your ex to find someone new?

She cheated on me with him, so essentially zero.

3. How long has your ex been with your replacement?

Two months.

4. How long did it take for your ex to reach out to you?

Three weeks.

5. What reason did they have for reaching out?

She "loves and misses me."

[Jazzy]

1. How long did your relationship with your ex last?

6 years

2.how long did it take for your ex to find someone new?

He was already cheating on me  with someone else  at least  2-4  months before I got to know.

3.How long has your ex been with your replacement?

About 16-18 months.

4.How long did it take for your ex to reach out to you.

 He has NEVER tried to get in touch .

5. What reason did they have for reaching out.

Not applicable

[C.Stein]

1. How long did your relationship with your ex last?

25 months before being permanently introduced to the trash can

2. How long did it take for your ex to find someone new?

To the best of my knowledge, 4 months prior to her throwing me away.

3. How long has your ex been with your replacement?

I don't know, don't want to know and don't care.

4. How long did it take for your ex to reach out to you?

She hasn't "reached out" since the "I've moved on" email coming up on 12 months ago and that was in response to a text I sent to inform her that her website was offline and that I missed her.  I have emailed her probably 8-10 times since she threw me away ... .mostly in the 3-4 period after the final discard.  All of them got ignored.  

For reasons unknown she did email me when she moved to inform me she left things of mine behind.  I however don't consider that a "reach out" because it was very thoughtless, cold and impersonal.

5. What reason did they have for reaching out?

See above.


Now my question to you ... .why are you asking these questions?  What do you hope to get from this?

[Meili]

1. How long did your relationship with your ex last?

18 months as a couple... .still going in one form or another now.

2. How long did it take for your ex to find someone new?

About two months, but she dated at least two others during that time.

3. How long has your ex been with your replacement?

They were together for about two months. One month of which, she was talking to me about getting back together. When she seriously started to think about reconciling with me, she ended things with him.

4. How long did it take for your ex to reach out to you?

She didn't, I did.

5. What reason did they have for reaching out?

N/A

[Larmoyant]

1. How long did your relationship with your ex last?

2 years plus 8 month break-up

2. How long did it take for your ex to find someone new?

He told me he had someone in mind shortly after I ended it and if I didn't snap out of it he'd start dating. I have no doubt he did just that as he did during our past 'break-ups'. He is a fan of dating sites. It seems he was dating whilst at the same time wanting to get back with me. When I asked him to be straight about dating others he refused to tell me. An answer in and of itself I believe.

3. How long has your ex been with your replacement?

There have probably been a few replacements in the last 8 months. I  have no idea how long each may have lasted of if he's now found someone he wants to be with. I don't want to know and hope it stays that way. I've  experienced too much pain already.

4. How long did it take for your ex to reach out to you?

Within days

5. What reason did they have for reaching out?

Told me he misses me, wants to be friends
Offered help
Blame me for everything
Insult me
Rewrite history/Gaslight me
Tell me he's sorry but did not say why or what for
Blame me again
Told me he'd moved on (several times)
Said he was unwell and when I didn't react the way he wanted told me I never loved him
Finally, two weeks ago, again, told me he'd moved on. I believe he may have now.

I'm also curious Jeff26. What are you hoping to get from asking these questions?

[wheretostart0]

1.  how long it lasted :

3 months honeymoon.
1 month devalued and one major charm after the replacement didn't work out at that point.
 next 4 months after that she led me on, was just plain different, didn't seem interested yet still showing up here and there and wouldn't have sex anymore all excuses yet still all intimacy beside it.

i started a fight and got pretty emotional and in her eyes "needy".she just rejected the crap out of me like i meant nothing no closure at all.
she tried the friends thing   i said no way and went nc.

2. how long until someone new?

think the entire time i was led on... or maybe she was confused... those months she had to of had someone else or maybe more than one because she sure wasn't having sex with me anymore... .kind of like the month before the first major charm after an almost discard.

says she's with someone else now she doesn't even pretend anymore.

how long has she been with replacement?

i don't know.

4. how long until reach out?

little over two weeks. but i remained silent another month.
tried a few times to see me but timing was bad... .yet wouldn't make plans.

that was months ago. she's burnt the bridge even more since then saying she has someone new etc. won't let go of the friends card ect

yet still contacts me. i'm wondering if i should go permanent nc or keep lines open open.

5. why the contact?

who knows but i'm guessing... .

to hurt me sometimes
guilt.
to play games.
make me jealous.
attention.

i'd like to think it was something else but i'm yet to see why

[shimmieshimshim]

ten years off n on

not sure, i think she always broke up before becoming physical but emotionally probably month or two before hand. i didnt know about the BPD until the last go round

not sure but i do know usually 6-8 months she would contact me

6-8 months

the second time she reached out to be fwb that ended up turning back into a relationship, the other times she said she missed and loved me, the last time was for the same but she realized something was wrong for wanting to keep leaving me, went and got diagnosed and started meds n therapy... .thought we was gonna work it out and things would be ok, she quit therapy then earlier this year quit meds now here i am again

[Kelli Cornett]

.


1. How long did your relationship with your ex last?
4 months

2. How long did it take for your ex to find someone new?
Don't know.  She was married when I met her so guess I was the someone new.  Not sure who she is with   now.

3. How long has your ex been with your replacement?
No idea see above

4. How long did it take for your ex to reach out to you?
about a week

5. What reason did they have for reaching out?
apology and closure.


 


[/quote]