Intro

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

I wanted to introduce myself. Over a year ago, I broke off a 7 month " relationship" with a man I met online. At first I thought I believed I had finally met a down to earth, outdoorsy guy that was very persistent in establishing a relationship. In the beginning, it felt nice to have met a man, who seemed know exactly what he wanted.it was long distance. I met him on a whim, while he visiting his parents in Florida. He lived in upstate NY.
After two weeks of meeting, having a fabulous time... together in Florida. ( him quoting poetry) yeah! Unbelievable!  He literally demanded I come up to NY to visit. Gave me all his information, to give to friends and family. Sent and had pics of a 5 bedroom house where I was to have seperate end during my visit...

Fast forward... 7.5 mos... If a mix between fun, times and him having episodic rage episodes ( literally when we were not even conversing) ... ( stating he couldn't help it... leaving me shell shocked... to finding him on multiple dating sites, ... I called it quits... in the phone. B4 he was to come to Fl. To visit. Following that repeated phone messages... of " I'm sorries" ... plz for give me... To this is all your fault... I had endured enough to realize and confront him... Something was terribly wrong... and he needed help!
I met his best friend ABt 4 times... as he accompanied us when we went out. This was a super introverted. Guy, that never confronted ( to my knowledge) when my ex was out of line. After the breakup... I was very upset... from the things he said on the phone the night I disconnected from him.
A week later he texted me asking if I was ok... as I let him know the things he said were disturbing... to say the least...
Learning ABt NPD/BPD ... helped a lot over the months... Understanding ...
Then, out of the blue, his best friend contacted me on social media wanting to connect. I apprehensive... but curious... I accepted his request. Thinking back now... what was said in the convo ( brief) from his best friend... I realized... was probably him... Not the best friend...
A few days later after exchanging, " small talk... to his buddy ... and saying to him after he stated" I'm sorry things did not work out with you and C. I replied it was all ok... But done with the craziness, inconsistencies, raging, and lies... Then the friends name disappeared from my contacts...   I knew my ex behind it... and was probably him posing as his buddy.
My question is why would he do that, knowing I would it together and know it was him? Can someone help me process this?
Nothing much he did do at times made logical sense... Then at other times... He was perfectly normal... Thank u!

[Laurielynn]

Hello,

I wanted to introduce myself. Over a year ago, I broke off a 7 month " relationship" with a man I met online. At first I thought I believed I had finally met a down to earth, outdoorsy guy that was very persistent in establishing a relationship. In the beginning, it felt nice to have met a man, who seemed know exactly what he wanted.it was long distance. I met him on a whim, while he visiting his parents in Florida. He lived in upstate NY.
After two weeks of meeting, having a fabulous time... together in Florida. ( him quoting poetry) yeah! Unbelievable!  He literally demanded I come up to NY to visit. Gave me all his information, to give to friends and family. Sent and had pics of a 5 bedroom house where I was to have seperate end during my visit...

Fast forward... 7.5 mos... If a mix between fun, times and him having episodic rage episodes ( literally when we were not even conversing) ... ( stating he couldn't help it... leaving me shell shocked... to finding him on multiple dating sites, ... I called it quits... in the phone. B4 he was to come to Fl. To visit. Following that repeated phone messages... of " I'm sorries" ... plz for give me... To this is all your fault... I had endured enough to realize and confront him... Something was terribly wrong... and he needed help!
I met his best friend ABt 4 times... as he accompanied us when we went out. This was a super introverted. Guy, that never confronted ( to my knowledge) when my ex was out of line. After the breakup... I was very upset... from the things he said on the phone the night I disconnected from him.
A week later he texted me asking if I was ok... as I let him know the things he said were disturbing... to say the least...
Learning ABt NPD/BPD ... helped a lot over the months... Understanding ...
Then, out of the blue, his best friend contacted me on social media wanting to connect. I apprehensive... but curious... I accepted his request. Thinking back now... what was said in the convo ( brief) from his best friend... I realized... was probably him... Not the best friend...
A few days later after exchanging, " small talk... to his buddy ... and saying to him after he stated" I'm sorry things did not work out with you and C. I replied it was all ok... But done with the craziness, inconsistencies, raging, and lies... Then the friends name disappeared from my contacts...   I knew my ex behind it... and was probably him posing as his buddy.
My question is why would he do that, knowing I would it together and know it was him? Can someone help me process this?
Nothing much he did do at times made logical sense... Then at other times... He was perfectly normal... Thank u!

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi LaurieLynn-

And Welcome!  I'm sorry you went through all that, very disheartening, going from a dream to a nightmare, although not unique around here, we understand.

My question is why would he do that, knowing I would it together and know it was him? Can someone help me process this?

Think attachments with borderlines.  You were an attachment, you left, you abandoned him in his head, the worst thing that can happen to a borderline, that doesn't feel good so he tried to contact you.  Posing as the friend may have been because he feels shame over what happened, so he wouldn't contact you directly, but he wants to feel an attachment anyway.

So you were together for 7 1/2 months, and how long has it been since you broke up with him?  And how are you doing emotionally, in addition to this social media thing?

[Herodias]

Welcome to the family,
     He sounds like a sociopath... .you never know. They play games and like to manipulate people just for fun... You are smart to notice he may actually be the "friend" on Facebook. I would delete and block. You need no part of this... .especially at this stage. Yes, they quote poems and act like prince charming. Read books by HG Tudor to see if it sounds like what you went through. I was with my sociopath for 10 years and I can tell you it is the worst thing in the world. People will tell you that relationships with pwBPD are almost impossible. Be glad you figured this out so fast and I hope for your sake that he was telling the truth that he lives in another state than you! Take care... .study all you can and stay strong. You have learned a very valuable lesson in the dating world pretty quickly. This is a good thing... .now don't get into that web again- learn the lesson.

[Skip]

He sounds like a sociopath... .you never know.

I don't think I'm reading anything to conclude sociopathy... .

I knew my ex behind it... and was probably him posing as his buddy.

Bizarre. We have seen some of own members do things like this in desperation. You cut him off and he new it was serious but he suspected that you were struggling behind the silence the same way he was. Rejection is hard and people do crazy things.

I'm not defending it by any means - but it might be better to evaluate a relationship more on what happened during the relationship than what happens in the desperation of breaking up.

One thing you can conclude is that he lied to gain access and information. He did not, however, go the next step and try to manipulate you - he exited.

Then at other times... He was perfectly normal...

What are personality disorders? Personality disorder thought patterns are often described as personality traits with maladaptive "twists" that co-exist with normal personality traits. The maladaptive and normal traits imperceptibly flow back and forth into one another. The maladaptive variants and difficult outward behavior are more common in times of stress.
bpdfamily.com/What-are-personality-disorders?