New to this site. Mothers half splitting on me.. need advice...

[Thadeous]

I think my mother's got BPD or a high level towards this. For years she would ring every week,  the calls were awful, we didnt get on on thephone, then 1 day when she found out I was extremely depressed in life she unilaterally decided to stop any future calls ( I'd told her I was feeling suicidal but not that I was planning g it...   a family friend had done so 2 years b4). Shes expected me to pretend nothing had happened and continue emailing her, in fact step up emailing instead whilst I'm Phone banned. She refused to discuss our differences or the problems behind why the phone calls had not been good for either of us in the first place (see beliw). She's told my sister we had resolved our problems when this isnt true. Shes convinced my Father I had been horrible to her on the phone hence the half split. She occasionally rings, but rather weirdly has my Father there on the extension at the same time... .as if she needs protecting from me or something (?) which is absurd. It's been going on for 5 years now and I'm sick of it. I feel as if Im being labelled the periah of the family. No one else contacts me (not that I'm that bothered), except when we meet up or i get an occasional em from my Father or one of those weird joint phone calls. I haven't bothered to contradict her cover storey to my father and rather messed up an opportunity to do that.
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Apparantly weeks of arguments went on about thus with my sister telling my mother shed been out if order.  I had no idea about this till ages later. My sister doesn't appear to be in contact now either  I think my sister may have somw Aspetgas so that explains that. She lives in Australia. I used to be a punk... black sheep of d family so I'm not too bothered about minimal contact.
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 Id rather cut off from my mother myself from the constant emailing really and put her (my mother) out of my mind most if the time and maybe just meet up twice a year but there is another problem:
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My sister and I were always the major beneficiaries of our Grandmothers will (several £100, 000s). She died on 1999. We weren't in the final will at all. It slipped out in a conversation with my mother that she had found that will in my Granmas paperwork. It's true it was a badly organised will which wud hav made the solicitors rich. My mother's response, however,  was to go behind my sisters and my back (we were 35 and 40 by then) and get my Grandma (who was getting ill and a bit senile by then, and had bourne the brunt of my mother's rages against her for years in passive silence as she  should never argued with anyone. in fact my Geandma may have had Aspergas herself) and my mother got my sister and I written out of the will altogether along with 4 other under 18 year old grandchildren on my uncles side and got all the money given to my mother and uncle,   a (maluable person who gas also been on the end of many of my mother's rages). We are talking big money here which my mother invested in buying herself a 3rd house for rental when my sister and I were hard up. Anyway over the years her conscionce had pricked her and she gives us money from the proceeds. ... when this us legally possible... .she us acting like our fairy godmother with what was originally intended to be our  in heritance from our grandmother in the 1st place... .CONTROLLING!
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What would you advise? I'm getting increasingly annoyed at being half cut off from and financially manipulated but why should I loose that income due to her manipulations? It's a shame as the money manipulation sculldugery was why the phone calls had bad undercurrents in the first place. My mother and I had had a deep chat and genuine few years of sharing love before I found out she had been "stealing" my inheritance behind my back at the same time.
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Because its taken me a while to recognise how dysfunctional my mother is iv never told my sister about the money or mentioned it to anyone except friend who are appalled at my mother's behaviour. I have a very fiery bold upfront nature so don't know how iv kept a lid on it for so long... .I guess it was the genuine love shared yrs ago?
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 I'd better add my mother hardly ever raged at me or my sister (only the rest of the family) as either of us would give back the same and usually prevail,  so this is not a victim situation but potentially explosive. ANY ADVICE PLEASE?

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome to our family, Thadeous! 

It sounds like you have your hands full with the behaviors of your mom and her duplicitous actions. It is very common for pwBPD to split their children black or white. It was much easier for me to see it take place when I read about other's situations than to see it so plainly in my own life, but once I began to take a serious look back, I could see how frequently my uBPDm would split me black too. Sometimes I was white, or the golden child, and my siblings and I regularly rotated through those stages which she assigned to us.

I'm very sad to hear that she continues to be so demanding and controlling of you, even as an adult. Thankfully you were able to set up and maintain a boundary regarding the phone, but it sounds like she has shifted the demands to email control now. Do you feel that she is emotionally dependent upon you? Is your dad supportive of her or of you or are you unsure where his loyalties lie?

I'm getting increasingly annoyed at being half cut off from and financially manipulated but why should I loose that income due to her manipulations? It's a shame as the money manipulation sculldugery was why the phone calls had bad undercurrents in the first place.

Do you feel that she is manipulating you, pulling the strings, and you keep going along with things? I hear you saying that you are getting very tired of all this, and I can see that the pull of the money is greater than the difficulty in putting up with her, but that is beginning to change for you. What options do you feel would be healthiest for you? Unfortunately BPDs cannot be changed, but you can change how you respond to them and find greater peace yourself through the process. Here is a link with some thoughts that may be helpful to you:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog

Have you been able to read up on BPD? If so, what books have you read?

 
Wools